Husband

My husband died from a heart attack 2 wks ago tomorrow. It is his funeral tomorrow and I’d just like someone to tell me how I’m going to manage? We’d celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary 16th October. I just feel so cheated.

Hi sorry about your husband I lost my partner in May to a heart attack he was only 48 all I can say is get lots of support from family and friends.My 2 boys and my family and best friend helped me . It is hard but take one day at a time. I also feel cheated he was 48 and I am only 50. Grief is one of the hardest things we have to deal with.
Take care
Christine x

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Oh Kirsty, how I wish I could tell you that everything will be fine, but I can’t. I hated every minute of my husband’s funeral even though it was full of love and as perfect as such a day can be. However, you will manage, as I did and you will get through the day. You will be surrounded with love by people who loved and respected your husband.

My husband died suddenly from a heart attack in June 2017. I feel a different person. I too feel cheated out of the life that should have been ours. He was 65 and had just retired. He was cheated out of the long and happy retirement he’d hoped for. I thought we would grow old together and we had so many plans. It makes me feel so sad telling you this but I’m telling you so you can know that you’re not alone and I know how you will be feeling as others on this site will too.

Going back to tomorrow, you will be on show as will your emotions but stand proud, don’t be afraid to cry, because you were married, are still married to a wonderful, amazing man. The day will probably go by in a blue but you will get through it and if you just think by this time tomorrow it will be done and you did it, you did it. Your husband will be looking down and he will be so very proud of you.

Sending love now and for tomorrow xx

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Hello Kirsten.
You are going to honour your man tomorrow. Ask for strength and show strength for him.
We’ve been there.

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I will be doing the same this Tuesday. I feel cheated as well why her never harmed a fly always there for others. And yet Tuesday I am burying her. I don’t see me coming through this. So cruel when I need her most I can’t have her. What’s the point. Just existing not living.

I’m sure Stevie we did them proud. I would of wished to of been anywhere but there and with my loving husband at my side. It’s getting harder each day but I know James would absolutely hate the thought of the pain he’s caused me though no fault of his. I’m just waiting for the time I can think of our last 20 yrs together and smile rather than crumbling.

Hi Kirsty, I am so sorry for your loss. You HAVE been cheated - absolutely. It’s the worst form of robbery ever. Darling, I hope that the funeral will be okay for you - I found the day after the funeral actually much harder.

Take care and have all the support you can get,

Louise xo

Totally with you on the retirement thing, Kate. My Ken worked terribly hard all his life, and was looking forward to travels with me - and then bam - cancer took him. I still get really pissed off. That future is well and truly gone, and I’m still not sure how to come to terms with that… it is a comfort sometimes to know that we still have a future, even if it isn’t the one we’d planned.

Love

Louise xo

James was only 58 and I’m 46 so I thought we had many more yrs together. I sat with him as he died after holding on for 12 hrs but his little heart couldn’t take any more. He’d never regained consciousness from the first instant so I couldn’t even have him tell me it would be ok though I talked to him. I just miss him more than I ever thought possible. xx

Sorry for your loss kirsty I feel your pain. Having just lost my wife I feel your pain life seems so cruel. So let’s all try and get through this together. Your not alone x

Kirsty, so sorry to hear you lost your husband so toung. My husband died aged 63 in his sleep 6 weeks ago and I am also devastated.
One of the worst things is that we had spent the last few months talking about what we would do in retirement and had loads of plans - that’s all gone now - how do you create a new future that doesn’t have him in it? It’s really hard.
Everyone just tells me to only think a day or so ahead and don’t think about the future for now - which I think we all need to do - but it’s hard when nothing to look forward to anymore.
Do look after yourself - we all need to be so strong to get through each day - hearing other people’s experiences though on this forum does help me - I feel less alone and others who haven’t been through loss of a husband can’t understand how you seek feeling

I’m fortunate in that I retired at 52 with a Voluntary Severance package. However, I couldn’t persuade my wife to retire early. She worked part time in the Church Cafe, as much for enjoyment as the money. She gave up working 12 years later after being diagnosed with a Glioblastoma brain tumour and she didn’t want to even then. We never really talked about the future and our whole life together was relatively unplanned. All four kids just happened, decisions on holidays were always last minute. I suppose we drifted through life. There was no plan.
Maybe that’s why I don’t get too hung up about the future. I do now plan for a few weeks in advance and I’ve booked hotel breaks through to February. One day I will start clearing things from the house, both mine and hers, and I’ll move to a smaller home. There are so many variables that can come in to play that I think too much planning can be a recipe for disaster. Nobody ever promised a tomorrow so I concentrate on the day. Anyway, my memory is rubbish so if I plan too much I would need a bigger whiteboard.

My brother died 2 months before his 65th birthday. He died a horrible death from pancreatic cancer. He and my husband were the same age all but 5 days. My husband always said he would continue to work while he could but changed his mind after my brother passed, saying he was going to make sure he had a long retirement. He had 2 1/2 months! You couldn’t make it up…

My wife’s older brother worked until he was 65. He was very well paid but that wasn’t why he worked. He just loved his job and always thought I was a bit odd for getting out early. Five weeks before his retirement date he had a stroke which has changed his life for ever. I feel sorry for his wife as well. She had waited and waited for a golden future and it was snatched away from her. I’m glad to say that my brother in law has managed to overcome several of his deficits but he’s desperate to not be the richest man in the graveyard.

Diane I am so sorry your going through this pain also. It’s a horrid horrid pain isn’t it. We were the same ,discussing what we were gonna do with our time off etc. James was a chef so had always worked wkends/late nites etc. I worked retail but recently I’d changed jobs and he’d gone to a 3 day wk so for the last 4 months we had more time together than probably our whole marriage. We were planning which Christmas markets we were going to go to and how we were gonna save for our 20th wedding anniversary. I feel so cheated out of this time as I bet you do too Diane. I’m picking James ashes up tomorrow and I can’t wait to get him home. Im hoping the anxiety I’ve felt eases a little. It’s such a scary thought isn’t it to think of a new future but we’ll get there Diane.
xx

Kirsty,
Yes it’s really difficult when all future plans were together and suddenly you are left on your own. My husband loved the sea and we talked about moving to somewhere close to the sea in a few years which I was looking forward to - but have no desire to do so on my own.
The best advice I have had is just to take one day at time and not think too far ahead - just getting through each day is enough for us now - so I am trying hard to do this.
I am also really anxious - I think it’s because of all the uncertainty going forwards and not having my husband to support me anymore so I feel very alone.

Same as. So lonely even though I have support can’t replace the wife I’ve lost

Diane maybe see your doctor about the anxiety ? I had to last Monday , I never go but I felt so much like my heart was beating out of my chest I had no choice. My pulse was actually 130!!! She put me on beta blockers and just a 2 wk course of a very light sleeping tablet. Both of which help. The sleeping tablet makes me a little sleepy but more it quietens my mind so it’s not running away with itself. I went back to work last Thursday /Friday then back to a normal Monday to Friday from now on. I’ve got to work since only me earning now but I do work with a great bunch who are very understanding xx

Just not the same is it Stevie :frowning:

This happened to me too. 14 weeks ago. My husband had a heart attack too. Its overwhelming I know. Let people help you. Allow yourself to feel how you need to feel. We just celebrated our 20th 2 weeks earlier.

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