Hey folks, so today… today I feel strong enough to take some of my husband’s clothes to the charity box. One of the downsides of living in 3 places is that I have to face this three times. I have done the London flat - an endless loop between the flat and the charity shops nearby - a heart-breaking exercise, carried out on my own in September '22. Now, it is January '23 and time to make a start here in France. Nearly got all the stuff into bags and then pulled a sweater off the shelf, one that I gave him in our early days, - boy, that had me wobbling. What helps me get through these big jobs is the knowledge that Tom was enormously practical and brisk - he would want other men who need his stuff, to have it, rather than it languish on the shelves here. So, today is the day. There aren’t charity shops here but there is a clothes recycling spot, just over the road. After a coffee and a deep breath, over I go. I reckon it will take me two runs… So not the ski runs I was planning today but important runs all the same, to take me forward another step. Here we go… For all of us out facing similar runs to this - good luck, take a deep breath, keep some special things back - and get it done. Loads of love and thank you for reading x
Well done … My husbands clothes are all either hanging still in his wardrobe or in suitcases in the spare bedroom … I know I will eventually have to let them go … never knew just how many clothes and shoes he actually had !! But, 7 months down the line I am still not ready … hopefully I will know when the time is right
Hello @Audrey54 - it is an odd thing, but I just knew today was the day. The recycling centre does not take clothes 
but I have found the local “solidarity centre” here - and have asked for an appointment to go in and take everything. Tom would like the idea of a solidarity centre - so that works even better. You will know when you are ready - it may not be for ages and then suddenly, you will feel ok about it. This comes from loads of love from up here in the mountains, x
You are very brave @Vancouver, that must be really hard with so many different places to sort too. It’s good that you found the strength from knowing how your husband would feel.
I am the same as you @Audrey54, I am 13 months in & still have nearly all my husband’s clothes. Don’t know that I will ever be able to do it, but do you know…that’s ok, there’s no rush …if indeed I ever do it at all.
This is going to sound crazy, but the odd thing I did take to the charity shop I put something of mine in too so that ‘we’ went together.
Hugs to you both x
Hi
7 month on and my husbands clothes are exactly where they were and that gives me great comfort, I’d feel worse if I didn’t have them. I may never part with them but that’s just me.
We all cope in our own way don’t we, there is no right or wrong, just what feels best for the individual.
Definitely not crazy @BarnCat - lovely idea
Wishing you all strength for any situation ahead x
Absolutely right, @JlovesR - we do what we feel is right. That was me today. And a whole bunch of guys here, with very little money, are finding stuff to help them out. I kept some precious things, but the rest is helping others and for me, and only for me, that is good. Let’s keep doing what works for us. Nothing else matters. x
I didnt want to part with jims clothes but knew one day i would have to face it so i had a cushion and a bear made out of his t-shirts i cuddle his cushion every night in bed and jim ted sits on my bed
What a great idea really wonderful.I have kept some clothes of hubbys and my lovely boy who passed earlier this year I may try do the same.Much love xxxxx
I’m 4mths into losing my husband and I can’t bear to get rid of his clothes.It was bad enough selling his work van, I cried my eyes out when it went.
When I’m ready I am going to make my two children and Grandchildren a patch work pillow and of course myself aswell .
It will be five months on January 5 that my husband died. All of his clothes, shoes, baseball hats are all where they have been. I just can’t bear to part with anything yet. When I do I will donate them to the homeless veterans. My husband did serve in the Air Force and I know he would want this done with these things. But every time I think of it like right now I just cry. I’m not ready yet. I so admire those if you that have reached that milestones. My heart is just broken and shattered. I miss my husband so much.
Hi all
It’ll be two years at the beginning of April that I lost my darling husband John. His clothes still remain where they were when he died although my boys sometimes go home in some of his stuff if they have a shower here and want to change into something clean. That’s ok but not sure if I could get rid of everything - I know for sure my younger son would be devastated as I sometimes fine him creeping in there and checking. I don’t need the space at the moment so shall leave them where they are.
Georgina
Hi, thank you for that post ,sometimes I feel like I’m a freak ,I also still have all my husband’s clothes ,his coat at back door ,his old garden trainers on bedroom floor ,dressing gowns on back of bedroom door , I just can’t part with them , it’s nearly 16 months since he died, I would rather get rid of my stuff , than lose more of him , I still open his wardrobe and bury my face in his clothes . I guess everyone deals differently, our grief is unique, like our love for partners is ,xtake carex
You are definitely not a freak. I fully understand what you are feeling. I still have my husbands clothes, shoes and all his paint brushes. I cannot bear to get rid of them. I will never get rid of the clothes he passed away in either.
I’m totally heartbroken and miss him so much.
Hi everybody just reading all posts about husbands clothes.Its 12 long years almost since my hubby died and most of his clothes went to charity or family.I did keep a grandad collar shirt he loved and his OLD SPICE aftershave and its still full of fragrance and the smell so reminds me of him .Every day I have a whiff, also his tooth brush along with my lovely son’s who passed in March.I still have his dressing gown hanging in room where he slept when he stayed over and in my hall I have his favourite Jack Wolfskin coat and baseball cap which I spray with his 1881 aftershave.Of course lots of other bits and bobs.But smelling the aftershaves of my two lovely men gives me a little comfort.God bless you all we do whatever helps us through the day xxx
I read this saying this morning:
“It is impossible to go on as you were before, so you must go on as you never have”
I know that is true, just have to figure out how. And after losing my husband 5 mos. ago, I am no closer to figuring that out.
Love and hugs, Karen
Each of my daughters and I kept some of my husbands clothes - in fact I am wearing one if his T shirts now. The rest I am making into quilts and a friend made memory bears with some too. I am also knitting a bear which will have a jacket or waistcoat made from his jeans.
It certainly made sorting out his clothes so much easier as we hardly got rid of anything. Some things are still in his wardrobe after 8 months.
Hi @Broken2222
Absolutely not a freak. I mentioned earlier in thread I still have all my husbands clothes.
Like you, my husbands jackets still hang next to mine on the coat rail and I hug or stroke them occasionally as I pass. Same with clothes in wardrobe.
I now use his dressing gown too, which is too big for me but it’s like wearing a blankie!
you’re spot on when you say it would be like losing more of him.
Keep doing what feels right for you everyone x
I look at and stroke my husbands clothes every time I go in the closet. I look at his shoes and the way the wear pattern is on the heels. I am wearing his long sleeve thermal shirts, really big, but that doesn’t matter. I wish the sharp edges of the pain would let up a little. Peace and love, Karen
Im the same, its been 4 months since my soulmate passed and still have all his clothes and those he died in, hung up in his wardrobe. Coat and woolly hat hung up behind door and dressing gown behind bathroom door. He had heated blanket to keep warm when watching tv which is still on his armchair. Garage full of his stuff too. The time will come when i may be strong enough to do something with his things but not yet. It was bad enouģh selling hìs car back to dealership which was, as he called it, “his end of life” crisis when he bought ut hust 4 months before he passed, but he insisted that when the time comes that i sell it and buy a more practical car and better fuel econony and road tax. Missing him so much. He was always so thoughful and loving towards me right until the end.
@Dawnee - I am so sorry you are going through this - it is so hard, isn’t it? There is no way I could have sorted Toms’ things at 4 months in, absolutely no way. We all come to things in our own way, in our own time. For some it is after a year, for others far, far longer. Your soulmate sounds a very, very special man. I know what it is to be loved like that, too.