Has anyone else had a loved one who has died from sepsis? I’ve been on the Sepsis Trust Gordon but most of the are from people who survived so I am thinking now that he should have survived as he was a slim, fit and active 74 year old. I am wondering whether to contact the hospital to find out exactly why he did not survive as I now feel it was an avoidable death and I owe it to him and others to find out what happened. I agreed to the life support being turned off after a month in ICU but I am now wondering whether that was the wrong decision. He basically died from undiagnosed gallstones. At the time I accepted that there was nothing else the doctors could do but now I can’t find closure thinking that I should have demanded more treatment. It was 24 hours after the onset of him feeling I’ll ( with no previous symptoms) to when they finally operated to remove his gall bladder. He was too stoical and didn’t make enough fuss. It was all so totally unexpected and his time in ICU was awful. A week before he died he had a stroke and two fits. I would be really grateful if anyone else has been though something like this with sepsis. I wish he had a died quickly from a heart attack. I so wish I had asked for a post mortem. It would be easier to accept his death if there was an underlying illness that wasn’t discovered .
Very sorry to hear of your husband’s death. This information might help you should you wish to complain.
" How do I complain about a death in the NHS?
You can ring the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman on 0345 954 033. We will give you information you need about any comments, concerns or complaints you have. You can also get independent support and advice from organisations that are not part of the NHS."
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No, it’s not any “easier” losing someone to a heart attack.
I lost my hubby to a heart attack - I wasn’t with him so didn’t get to say goodbye. He went out with our woofy and collapsed -
We were offered a telephone appt with the coroner but after discussing it, we decided it would only cause more distress.
G. X
@SkyeGardener my friend lost her friend at the age of 53 to sepsis. She was in pain and being sick. She was put in ICU and her lips, fingers and toes went black. She had undiagnosed gallstones that had leaked into her liver. I’m sorry to hear about your husband. My husband died suddenly at the age of 53. He seem fit but I didn’t realise that he was so ill and nor did he xx
Hi SkyeGardener i know exactly what your going through my husband also died of sepsis in 2021. He went into hospital for a op and caught sepsis which then affected his heart , liver and kidneys. He was also on a ventilator and was unable to wake up but i wouldnt give my consent to have machines switched off but they did it anyway. Yes you should get intouch with hospital ,you need answers i did. I had to wait along time i know it won’t bring our loved ones back, nothing can change what has happened but if it helps you to understand a bit better then that has to be good. Good luck in getting the answers you need . Thinking of you xx
@SkyeGardener
I can relate to what you are saying. My husband was 67, slim, fit and very healthy. He never smoked in his life and hardly ever drank. He exercised and walked every day. His diet was spot on. He had problems with his platelets but had blood tests every six weeks and they were kept under control.
We went on holiday last June and he became unwell. When we got home he called the hospital and they stopped all his medication. To cut a long story short he then spent all of his time in hospital ,apart from nine days, from the end of July until 28th October when he passed. He had one after another attack of sepsis. I would go in and he would be unresponsive, I would be in floods of tears , he would make a slow painful recovery only to be struck down by it again. The consultants could not understand why this was happening and carried out so many scans, tests etc and also tried so many different antibiotics on him. The y eventually diagnosed him with a rare form of blood cancer but on his death certificate it was the sepsis killed him.
He didn’t loose much weight and looked so well even though he wasn’t. I could not understand where he kept getting sepsis from. I worried that I or any of the visitors may have been bringing in germs that caused him to go into the rigors.
I will never forget going to visit and seeing him struggle to be o.k. I would be so happy and think he was going to make it then he would be struck down again.
Life is so unfair, he was such a lovely kind hearted man.
I am so sorry to hear what your dear husband went through .
Sending love xx
@Grandma im so sorry for the circumstances of the loss of your dear husband. I too lost my wonderful man to a sudden completely unexpected cardiac arrest whilst he was in the gp surgery ( for a slip down the stairs we thought) . I wasn’t with him so didn’t say goodbye or get to hold him for the last time , so no it definitely is not easier to bear. Since I lost Baz I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I know I will have a very difficult time just making a recovery from the shock . That’s before the grief . Where on earth do we begin the grieving process when we lose our beloved men in such a brutal fashion . God help us is all I can say . Take care xxx
@Ladysuisei6 I think I could have PTSD as went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I sometimes get the image in my head of my husband on the floor. . I also have a tremendous amount of guilt also. The doctor have put me on the waiting list for trauma therapy. Life is so shit now. Sorry for your horrendous loss also. Sending lots of love xx
Losing a partner under any circumstance is devastating.
No one way is “better” or “easier” than another.
Grief cannot be measured by how someone leaves us.
G.
Yes I understand what you are saying - no death is easier than any other ha but for my husband a heart attack would have been better than his slow disintegration and especially as for the entire time that he was in ICU he was unable to communicate so it was terribly frustrating for both of us. I kept asking for a lip reader. He couldn’t write either as he was so weak.
Thank you for taking the time to write your comment - it is much appreciated. It was si the same as your husband - he seemed to be getting better and then deteriorated again - it was like a roller coaster. Like your husband’s consultant my husband’s team admit that they don’t know why he didn’t survive. Your husband sounds like mine - he Jed a healthy lifestyle and was essentially a good kind man.
Thank you so much for your comment. Did you get any answers about why he didn’t survive? It seemed as though my husband started getting worse after they stopped dialysis and then he had major organ failure but his heart was beating strongly even near the end.
Just major organ failure due to sepsis and the fact he had been on ventilator to long . I dont think they looked after him properly. Cant prove it . I still blame myself for making him go in first place.
@SkyeGardener
Sorry for your loss but as @Grandma has said no death is comparable to another. My partner died of a heart attack, he arrested 3 times and was in ITU on life support. If you don’t mind me saying your post is insensitive to those of us and there are many, who lost their partners from sudden heart attack, where some of us never got the chance to be with them or to say goodbye, hold their hand or anything else and no heart attack death is without it’s own trauma to the person who died
@Sarlyn I know what you mean as my husband suddenly died. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR on him until the paramedics arrived. The post mortem report said that he died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer. The shock of seeing my husband and finding out what he had has caused me to have a massive meltdown yesterday 5 months after he died. I have been referred to see a trauma specialist. He was 53 years old. Hope you are getting support also. Big hugs xx
Were you fortunate enough to be with your husband?
I like many others didn’t get that privilege.
Sometimes it feels he’s a “missing person” - just gone in the blink of an eye.
G.
@SkyeGardener. I am so sorry for your loss, and all what you experienced. My husband died of sepsis in January, He had a chest infection that was being treated with antibiotics and he was still working. He woke me during the night to say he didn’t feel well and was cold and shivery. I gave him an extra duvet, made him a hot drink, his temperature was normal. I cuddled up to him and he began to feel warmer. When I woke at 6am he was unresponsive, and I called an ambulance. He was taken to resus and they told me he was in septic shock and unlikely to survive. He was put on life support and they switched it off 8 hours later. I just couldn’t understand how he went from working on the Thursday to dying early hours of Saturday. But I am so grateful I was there with my children to say goodbye, unlike many others on here who just didn’t get that chance. I don’t think we can ever be prepared to lose our partners, whatever the circumstances. As @Grandma says it is devastating for those who are left. The death certificate said my love died from sepsis as a complication from a chest infection. I see that all the ambulances carry warnings of sepsis and how quickly it can take hold. I so understand you want answers, and you want to make some sense of it all, but for me the worst thing has happened and nothing can change that. I am trying to find my way now, without my beautiful man, I hope you and everyone here can find hope and peace in our grieving. xxxx
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry ai haven’t replied but I went on holiday with our son, his wife and their baby daughter - the first time without Gordon. I was going to try and speak to the ICU consultants, as like you, I could not understand how a fit, healthy 74 year old could die so quickly from something so common ( from gallstones)! But you are right, nothing is going to bring our dear husbands back and I’m sure they would want us to make the most of the rest of our lives, especially with our families. But seeing other couples on holiday holding hands and eating together was so so hard.
@SkyeGardener well done on taking your first holiday without Gordon. I can only imagine how hard that was for you, particularly seeing other couples together, it must bring back so many memories and sadness of what you have lost. I am going on my first holiday in August with my family, I am full of mixed emotions but I am determined to go. Like you say, our dear husbands would want us to make the most of our lives, and as hard as it is, I am determined to do that in honour of him and all that we shared. I am continually amazed by the strength and courage of people on this site as they navigate their journey through grief, showing extraordinary courage and strength, as you have. Sending hugs and love xxx