I totally agree with you Ann.Grief is individual.x
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And there is always one who refuses to let go and continues to berate someone else who has also lost the love of her life. You might have noticed I have not posted on here for weeks now due to your unkindness. You are making it all about you as you refuse to stop bullying and causing pain. I have only posted now in the hope that you will reconsider your actions.
Ah Johnswife, what very true words you use. There are those who simply will not let those little spats rest. I too have been on the receiving end. Do they nudge for a reaction?
Iâve missed you Johnswife. Please donât let them stop you posting. Your posts have been helpful and eloquent. Sending love as always. 
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Abdullah, I love reading your posts. Your outlook is so like my husbandâs, compassionate , fair and always seeing both sides and giving rational thoughtful insights. Thank you. x
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Thatâs a very kind message and it is quite flattering to be compared to your Malcolm, I just think too often misunderstandings cause arguments online, and that includes myself. @AnnR and @johnswife are both very nice women, they both share a very similar type of grief where both were married to men they loved dearly for many years, I just hope they both realise the misunderstanding and donât let it stop them from posting here because this is a place for all of us.
Me too, Abdullah, have been feeling low today after my family went home yesterday so I was reading all the posts on this thread. And it really hurt to read what was happening with these two lovely grieving women, so difficult to build bridges online and in public. I find I could easily misunderstand and fall out with people, even my amazing family.Grief does terrible things to the mind and the feelings of hurt are just killing on top of our loss. Please ladies. come back . And Abdullah I feel so bad for never having empathised with you over the loss of your Dad, your lovely replies have always distracted me from the fact that you are grieving too. At the risk of bringing up my own experience!! my Dad died 20 years ago and it felt like the end of the world. But you do get over it, eventually and. one day you will be able to smile and feel happy again and talk about him with an uplifted heart. Even remember his jokes and the funny things he did! He will never die, he will be always in your heart x
Everything you said. In tears as i write this, in tears when i read what you wrote.
Find myself reaching out sometimes, to an empty space, wishing he woukd come back. Family are great but this is so lonely, with them or without them. They distract you when all you want is to cry. My kids are 13 + 14 but they want their friends, their internet. Feels like we are losing more than just Daddy at the moment. Before bed each night, i still read to them, prayers or helpful words or even a poem.
Its my only link with them now. Love them so much but so fearful of the future now. Being the only bread earner + seeing the kids through their teens. They find things to do. Then I feel like a spare part, like i shouldnât be there. Today is Sunday + i cant speak to anyone, see anyone. Kids friends are round + i feel like i must cry quietly.
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Oh Eliza. what a terrible situation youâre in , sometimes tears seem to be our only friend. So difficult for you to keep going for your children and such a lonely place to be without your husband and their Dad. I go and cry in the shower, started it when our son used to pop round unexpectedly and after the first time when he caught me I made sure he didnât see that again. Our three are all grown up and have supportive partners and I feel so guilty that I really couldnât help them at all , but you have to and that is so very hard. But at least you can come onto this site for empathy, encouragement, advice or just a listening ear at any time. Lovely people will help you. Sending love x
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Hi Kate thank you. I have stayed away following the unkindness and my SR councillor advised me that I should avoid such negativity as I am in such a fragile state of mind. I will message you privately.
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Thank you so much Jobar. Your post really touched me in my agony
Thanks for your kind words, and you donât have to apologise, there are so many posts here from so many people, we just donât get the time to express our sorrow to everyone, especially as weâre all dealing with our own grief. There are probably people who have written to me and who I forgot to reply to, it would be nice if this site had a feature where we could bookmark posts, that reminds me, I still havenât replied to @Watt92, hope she didnât think I was being rude, will do it this week hopefully.
I am sorry you had a bad day when your family left, an empty home can be an awful place, hopefully youâre a bit better now.
Hi Jacqui,
That is reassuring to know. Like you said in one of the other threads I think an invaluable part of this forum is that we donât feel so alone. Itâs ten months since my husband died suddenly and I feel as heartbroken now as I did then. The isolation of grief is truly awful for all of us but posting helps us feel less lonely. Itâs a start and helps me on a daily basis. I hope it will help you too. X
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Hi @AnnR and @Johnswife - Iâm so sorry to see that you are both upset, and that this disagreement has been revived after some weeks. Iâd like to just remind everyone that our community guidelines ask all our users to be respectful and supportive, so it would be better if everyone could now leave this argument alone.
Iâve looked back through the conversation, and it does appear that this has started due to a misunderstanding. I can see that AnnR posted this:
I believe she was replying to this by Johnswife:
However, when Johnswife wrote that, there were some very off-topic and light-hearted posts on the conversation, which werenât appropriate in response to her very distressed original post and have since been moved. So it was perfectly understandable that she wrote that at the time, but clearly AnnR arrived later to the conversation and didnât have that context.
Iâm sorry that my moving of posts left one that caused confusion out of context. However, regardless of the cause, please can everybody now stop this argument. If it continues, I might need to start removing further posts or close the conversation.
Thank you Pricilla I tried to explain to @AnnR what had happened back in early August on post 156 and was very disappointed when she posted a comment to @JayandAllison out of the blue recently. I think it is probably time to close my post so that people stop causing upset again. I would much prefer that please. As I said previously this has caused me to leave the forum and I only replied to @AnnR to ask her to stop. I will switch off alerts now so that if anything further is said that would upset me I wonât be aware of it. Thank you.
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Hi @Johnswife, not sure if youâll see this message, but before @Priscilla locks this conversation, I just wanted to say @AnnR sometimes reads old posts and then comments without realising that it is an old conversation e.g. see her post in âLost my partnerâ on 20 August - so itâs possible that she just came across Jayâs post and commented, without realising it was part of a discussion that had already been had. Itâs very understandable that you were upset, just wanted to say I hope youâre doing as well as you can given what has happened, and I really like the picture of you and John, and if you do read this post and donât mind sharing then I would love to know where it was taken.
Hi @Johnswife. Yes, I will close this conversation at your request, as you are the person who has started it. Iâll send you an email to confirm, in case you have already turned off your email notifications.
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