It’s entirely up to you. This forum is here to help.
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Well, I am sorry, but you did not!
I hope you are ok take care of yourself things can escalate when we’re not feeling right. Try to ignore anything negative. I don’t know if you feel like me but having another thing up deal with just tips me over the edge. Take care be king to your self
I like these words I will think of them everyday. We have to go through it exactly right but very hard to bear. Like you my husband was by my side for 40 years and I still carry with me now. Just miss him and our life so much. Take care
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Thank you. You are right - I am over-sensitive at the moment but find it hard to accept that people can only say not very nice things at such a bad time. She might not realise it but her comment stuck with me probably more than the lovely ones did. It was like a shot in the heart. Silly me. I must grow up and take it, especially as everyone else has been so supportive and kind.
Hi there Ann
I hope you get to read this. I have been on this forum for over 18 months now and seen all sorts of altercations between members, it’s understandable as we are having all sorts of emotions such as fear, guilt, anger, as well as numbing grief. So much to cope with
I don’t think anyone means to be unkind but we can be very sensitive at such a time and I still am. We write what comes into our heads and sometimes it isn’t what others want to hear. I wrote something in my early days on this site. It was meant to help but it hit a raw nerve with another member who certainly upset me with how he replied. Recently I tried to help someone who was obviously struggling but again my offer fell on deaf ears. I was tempted to give up, what was the point but there are many lovely people always joining this forum and always needing a ‘helping hand’ through the terrible days.
Please do not think you are not wanted because of one persons comments. It happens, we can’t all agree, all the time. We are all at differing stages with different idea’s and ways of coping.
This forum has helped many grieving people so I would say give it a chance. Get yourself through the funeral and then see if some of us can’t help you.
xxxx
Good luck to you.
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Bless you. Your post made me cry but I could see the sense of it.
I will try to act on your wise words and thank you for restoring my faith in the forum. I wish you everything you wish yourself, you lovely lady. Thank you xxx
Please stay on the forum AnnR. All of us here are really hurting and we need all the help and support we can give each other right now. We are barely thinking straight and worn out from all our tears of grief. You will find comfort here if you persevere. Big hugs to you.
Hi Ann
Didn’t mean to make you cry.
Sometimes on the forum we have to work out what sort of person we are replying to as we are all soulmates but never meet. I am a person that like my grandfather and mother doesn’t suffer fools gladly so I sometimes have to think carefully about what I am going to write.
My tears are never far away but I do want to find a way to cope with the loss. I want to see that light but this doesn’t mean that I want to forget. I do think that life is a gift for us to take care of so my attitude won’t always meet with approval from other members. We can only do our best.
Look after yourself tomorrow, don’t worry about your family for that day, they will all get through it in their own way.
Pat xxx
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I would appreciate it if you could tell me what exactly I said to you personally that you find so offensive. I can not recall talking to you before today.
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It was when I said I was leaving the forum and you replied “ that is entirely up to you”. In my devastated state I found that harsh. Synergy I was over sensitive but that is how it came across.
Jean, thank you. I think I have been over sensitive (I haven’t been on this forum long and haven’t got it sussed yet!) I will give it another go. Thanks for your encouragement and support. X
No that’s not correct. You accused me of saying negative things long before you threatened to leave the forum. I am waiting to hear what exactly I am supposed to have said that has caused you to attack me in this way. I am at a total loss to understand why you are doing this. From one woman in deep grief to another.
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Ann R. As everyone said we don’t want you to leave and I hope we can all start again. I don’t even know what the negative comments were and I don’t think John’s wife said anything deliberately to upset you. Grief is a terrible thing. Perhaps we can all appreciate each other’s take on the way we deal with it. Kind thoughts and a virtual hug for you and everyone. X
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I am sorry if I offended you. I can’t find the post I must have written and in my grieving state (the burial is tomorrow) I don’t feel up to spending the rest of the evening chasing it, I am too upset. I have clearly upset you and I can only say sorry for whatever it was, If you can’t/won’t accept that, there is not a lot more I can do. I would never intentionally hurt anyone who is hurting in the way I am and I can really do without this right now. Please accept my apology and leave it at that. I can’t cope with any more of this, I am sorry.
I tried to go to bed but could’t sleep with this upset going on, so I got up and spent time finding the message. Here it is. You said -
“As you are late coming to this post you may have missed the fact that it had to be split so that some people could continue to make light of the distress others were feeling. I sincerely hope you do not revive those negative thoughts once again. Everyone is hurting and are here to try to help others as much as possible whilst dealing with their own grief and pain” This upset me so much because I wasn’t trying to revive negative thoughts, far from it. I am not like that. I just wanted to ease my pain and perhaps ease someone else’s. I am sobbing thinking how upset my husband would be that you have formed this impression of me. I think I really had better leave. I came on here to feel better but I feel so much worse now. I just want to curl up and die and feel so devastated that I don’t know how I will get through the dervice tomorrow. I came on here for support and encoragement but got criticism, so if that is what happens on this forum, I am better off out of it.
Thank you. I am really upset and have replied to the person who was the cause of it, I think it is unlikely we will get past this so it is probably better for all that I leave.
With the burial tomorrow, I could have done without this but these things happen. I came on here for comfort and support and one person has undone all the good done by the others. I feel so wretched now that I could happily give up on it all. I think it is possible that I was a ittle insensitive but it is going to be a really heavy day tomorrow and I am scared for my young granddaughter who is already inconsolable so this was the last straw. I was desperate to help her but if I can’t even help myself, I don’t know how I can.
You say sorry in one post and then continue to berate me. One person! You have chosen to misinterpret my words, totally ignored the fact that my darling husband died just 8 weeks ago and I am just struggling. Why attack me? What the hell did I ever do to you? You say you can’t sleep well believe me I never thought I would ever experience anything like this on a forum set up to help. I feel very sorry for you. How my reply explaining the history of my post could come to this is totally beyond me. I am also awake longing for my darling to come and comfort me. He would also hate that I am having to endure this. Ok you won I won’t be posting on here again. I don’t need this nasty negativity and bullying.
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AnnR. Please don’t leave and John’s wife either. You are both part of a forum that really needs you and I think you both need us as well. It is now the early hours of the morning and I just felt a need to check posts because I could not sleep. It would be terrible if you both needed to come back on here and didn’t. It is like losing a lifeline and you have both lost the live of your life already so please don’t walk away from the support we all need on here. Please forgive and forget and put it all down to the terrible grief we are all suffering. Xx
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Afraid there is always one who takes things the wrong way and makes it sound as though the site should be all about them!! We are all grieving and should be allowed to express it however we wish!
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