Today my husband is the day of my husband funeral. He didnt want no fuss so he choose a pure creamation. He did it for me as i am agrophobic. I just dont know how to breathe.
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Good morning @jevncute
It’s heartbreaking I know 
Take some deep breaths and remember the love you shared. Maybe write your husband a letter to express how you are feeling and ask him to comfort you.
Sending you lots of love and a big warm hug xx
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Ty i just dont want to be here i miss him so much. Xxx
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Oh @jevncute
I truly understand what you mean when you say you don’t want to be here. It’s like your not bothered if you wake up or not. I think that is completely normal at this stage of grief. It’s so bloody sad that we are left behind and have no regard towards our own life.
If you are feeling suicidal that is different, if that is how you are feeling please contact either Samaritans, call your GP, 111 or 999.
Xx
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No i think i am to much of a coward to do out. Why does it have to hurt so much. Why did he have to leave me. He knew i wasn’t strong like him xxx
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When did you lose your husband x
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If you feel like you are going to do it please ring someone for help.
It hurts so much because of the love you shared with your husband, grief is love, it’s love with no where to go. Your husband did not choose to go, as sad as it is it was his time.
You probably don’t believe this but you will not feel like this forever. You will feel unbearable hurt at times but other times you will smile at memories.
You will always carry you husband in your heart as he will with you. Always keep his memory alive as if you do, he will never be truly gone.
Please hang in there and fight your way through. You are stronger than you think, believe in yourself 
xx
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I lost my Andrew on the 15th April, we never married but were together for 18 years. Xx
Bless you do you feel better or is the pain still so unbearable. Are you alone or do you have children. You was as good as married, we met online after losing previous partners. We will have been married 16 years years on the 1st of August. We have been together 19 years xx
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I have a son who’s 18 but live alone. I got with Andrew when I was 19 so I am now a spinster at 37(you’ve got to laugh at times, or you’d never stop crying)
What I find is that I do have good days where I don’t feel so overwhelmed and anxious and can see that if I want it, I can make a future for myself. Yes me and my Andrew were soul mates, deeply in love and he was my absolute favourite person in the whole world. He literally was my everything, was so kind and loving. He was beautiful to me and I felt his love and support every day. I have days were I can laugh and feel motivated to go out and about (at the beginning, the anxiety was fierce and more frequent than it is now)
I have bad parts of a day ( I wouldn’t like to say days, as my emotions can fluctuate quite dramatically some days. For example this morning I felt quite positive and thought I’d do some self care, hair removal, face mask etc 
got a shower sat in the lovely sunshine nipped to the shop. When I got back I just felt a big rush of emotions and sat crying for about 10 mins, it’s passed now) I hope that’s makes sense!
Sometimes the feeling of dread washes over me and the felling of utter despair. But is doesn’t stay for as long as it did before.
Then at times I fell okay, niether happy nor sad. Sometimes I feel numb and feel sorry for myself like no one’s knows just how much we loved each other, its worse for me, my own little pity party.
I hope his all makes sense. Basically at the beginning of my shitty grief journey I thought there was no way in hell that I would feel any better but you really do.
Xx
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Yes it all makes perfect sense, i suffer bad panic attacks, i have never lived aa did everything shlone before. I darent go to bed at night so i hsve been layed on the sofa. Like yourself Gra was my everything we loved it just been the two of us. I only have one close friend but she goes out alot and because of my agrophobia i cant. Gra did everything shopping etc I have a daughter and son but dont see them alot i am so scared. Xx
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It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Have you had support to try and resolve your agoraphobia and panic attacks. With the right support many things can be overcome. Things will be difficult at times and it will be a struggle but if you access help it may help you overcome your Fears. I know at the moment everything will seem to hard to even comprehend but if there’s a chance you can feel less frightened, it’s worth a try isn’t it?
Maybe start with some little goals. Like a one minute walk, then two minutes etc. would your friend support you with this? Have you looked at grounding exercises? Your mind is powerful, you can retain it.
Why can’t you go to bed?
Xx
I have tried everything from hypnoises to behaviour therapy. Different medication.but i have never heard of grou ding exercises what is that. No my only friend is my neighbour and she as a very busy social life. I darent go to bed because i am scared of been here alone. I have never been by myself before. I am so scared of what or who could be in here. If that makes sense. Xx
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All I can say is keep trying, you deserve to find piece within yourself and some happiness in the life you have left. There is lots of different grounding techniques depending on which situation you are in. Do a little research.
Check out the link below.
I understand your fear of going to bed but I promise you nothing bad will happen. Maybe try keeping a lamp on or background noise such as the radio. Bless you, please don’t be scared. Be brave 
Have you any pets?
Xx
Thank you forcthat i will take a look. I am just so scared of been alone . I did have a little yorkshire terrier but he died a weekvto the day after Gra so the house feels really empty. Xx
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Aww that’s awful 
Maybe have a look for a rescue when you feel ready xx
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I thought of that but i need someone to go look for me . Not unless they can bring them here.
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Maybe ring a shelter and explain the situation, they may come to you? X
I will give it a try, i haven’t nothing to lose. Ty for caring x
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Big hugs to you
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