Why is that? Have people experienced this themselves? Over the last few days I have been reduced to sobbing in private a lot worse than I did in the early days.
Watched a film called ‘One day’ where one of the characters loses his partner in an accident and breaks down sobbing about her loss. I did the same as I watched. It is a fine film, well acted perhaps not the kind of film I should have watched in my state. The guy echoed the emptiness, the hopelessness, the longing I feel to see my wife again. You just want that chance to hug them one more time, to tell them how much you love them because there is a guilt you did not do it enough when they were alive.
It has been sparked by music as well always in private at the moment I feel like an emotional wreck. Various things have sparked it.
In front of friends and family I mask it, I don’t think they know what’s going on, a bit, yes but not behind the mask.
It seems strange to me that lately I have grieved for my wife in such terms 5 months after her death. I miss her more than ever. I write this with tears running down my cheeks.
Is this a worrying sign? Should I be worried or is this just a stage of my grief which is different because there is no definite path in grieving for a partner?
Grief is so unique to each person, and what one person experiences might be completely different to someone else. That is completely normal though. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these links with you to help you with your grief.
You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.
My sympathies. I don’t think you should be worried. Five months is early still, when grieving for someone so close to you. It comes in waves and can be triggered by the smallest things long after the loss. As you say, there’s no set path, we all grieve differently and there is no timeline you have to follow. Talking to someone is often helpful, though, so looking into support groups sounds like a good idea.
Youre not alone - i lost my mum nearly 4 months ago and the last couple of weeks its felt like the distress has got worse. For me its compounded by feelings of isolation and not having anyone to help me make sense of what im feeling. If you are putting on a brave face in front of friends and family it may be that build up of all the emotions you are holding in check - is there anyone you can be honest with and say how you feel? Plus the more time passes, i think you start to realise “so this is it then for the rest of my life then” which is quite frankly terrifying. I dont think grief diminishes in a linear fashion over time because as time progresses there are new challenges to cope with. Its more to me like a stormy sea - moments of calm and then suddenly a new wave hits you.
@blueazzuri So sorry for your loss. It’s been nearly 8 months for me since my darling husband passed and these last few weeks all I have done is cry at the least little thing an sometimes just for nothing. Grief is said to go in waves and it sure does but I feel as though I’m drowning most days. Take care. X
@blueazzuri you aren’t on your own . It’s almost 5 months (I can’t believe I wrote that), since my darling husband died, and I’m worse than ever.
I get fantastic support from some of the family (no children) and friends but not one of them is in the same position and don’t understand. I’ve made an appointment to see the doctor, as I think I need some help. I’m already having some counselling.
I keep as busy as I can but coming into an empty house is so tough.
Thanks for your replies. I feel for everyone. I was out with some friends today and we laughed. Feel better for it, it’s good to get out and meet people definitely. Maybe the poor weather has been a factor let’s hope for more as Spring approaches.
My husband passed away four months ago and the reality of it is beginning to dawn on me now…I am suffering from anxiety and waiting on counselling to help with that but the enormity of my loss is overwhelming at times…I was unlucky enough to hurt my back and then get a sickness bug the last couple of weeks which although were a fraction of the suffering my husband went through were so difficult to deal with on my own without him there to tell me it would be OK…I completely understand how you are feeling and I don’t think it’s strange at all…grief affects us all differently…I think I was so strong when Tony was ill I have no more strength left for myself…xx
@ellen23 so sorry for your loss. 8 1/2 months for me and I still feel as bad as I did when my darling husband passed away. I too have been poorly these last few weeks and it’s so hard on your own . Hope you feel better soon. Sending a big hug x
@blueazzuri you are not alone, my wife died at the end of September, having been diagnosed with lymphoma in Dec 20.
This week started quite badly, no real trigger just waking up incredibly sad, slowly the week has been better and support from my adult daughters, even though they live away, has helped.
I hope you have support nearby and maybe someone that don’t have to mask your feelings with.
This site, just reading posts, makes me realise my feelings, situation, etc is not unique.
Take care…Pete
@blueazzuri Sorry for your loss. I’m pleased you have managed to talk to friends who have lost someone as I’m sure it must help as does reading all the comments on here. I would dearly love to talk to someone in my position but there dosnt seem to be any groups in my area sadly. take care. Ann
Its been 10 months for me and i miss him more than at the beginning although i have better days i realize im always going to love and miss him that wont change thats live isnt it .But im so thankful for the 17 years we had and all the memories good and bad no one can take those from us ever xx
I am coming up to two signature dates in the next couple of months our 48th Anniversary and a year since my beautiful wife died. ( I hate that word I never can use it in conversation, I use passed) After a period of coping a lot better these two events plus finding a photo of her as a young woman has suddenly left me in a state over the last few days. For all the friends, the family who have been great, the few holidays I have managed and thinking I was feeling better. When I get home at night and shut the door all I feel is loneliness and just wishing somehow she is with me again. I am in tears writing this. I sometimes think I live a lie, in company I can smile laugh when I am out with others but in private I am beginning to hate my life. I dread these dates coming up, I want to be alone on these dates, I don’t want anyone to see how upset I will be. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me?
So sorry for your loss. I feel the same. Its been just over a year for me since my darling husband passed away. It would have been our 50th wedding anniversay last May and I just wanted to be alone so I took myself off to a lovely retreat log cabin for a couple of days ( it would have been his birthday the day before our anniversay) I took loads of photos of him and us together and really just sat, cried and remembered the good times. I know he woudnt want me to be sad but we just cant help it, can we. Take care of yourself as I’m sure our passed loved ones would want us too.
Ann
I can totally relate to this. I thought I was fine, rebuilding my life, retiring, travelling, getting volunteering jobs. Well done me. It’s now 8 months since my beloved husband died and the grief has suddenly hit me like a freight train. I can’t believe that I will have to live my life without him. I visited a National Trust property yesterday for the first time without Trevor. Cried all the way round the house. I don’t know what to do with these strong emotions.
So sorry for your loss. I was told the grief will come in waves and it sure does. Just when I feel I am coping I go back to square one again .it is so so hard. Take care x. Ann
I don’t think you should be worried. Five months is early still, when grieving for someone so close to you. It comes in waves and can be triggered by the smallest things long after the loss. As you say, there’s no set path, we all grieve differently and there is no timeline you have to follow. Talking to someone is often helpful, though, so looking into support groups sounds like a good idea.
