Johnswife - I came across this in a book and thought of you…xx


I should be 50 times stronger than the Hulk by now then Kate.
oh and the garden looks beautiful Johnswife,though gardening isnt something I will be giving a go at,i just aint got any enthusiasm and my get up and go as gone.


Again you send a beautiful message xx

1 Like

Ian, I think you were put on this earth to make people smile… :blush:


thank you Kate,
im only here because people like you and several other wonderful members have made life a little easier for me,and having my baby Jayne in my heart to guide my emotions to hopefully give a little comfort to those who need it,oh and a little humour occasionally. :grinning:


Crazy_Kate It’s a very beautiful drawing. x

It’s a beautiful book with lots of beautiful drawings. It’s called ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’. It’s about love and friendship. :heart:


Hi there
Very impressive and I hope that you are finding the enthusiasm to continue the excellent work that John started,
I am a keen gardener and find it very therapeutic but when Brian died we both had allotment plots and I doubted that I could do his, I persevered and now grow on the two plots and if there is anywhere that I feel Brian’s presence it is on those allotments. I talk to him and try my best to make him pleased with my work. He loved the bee’s and wildlife so I grow flowers and herbs among the veg to bring them here. So good luck with your lovely garden.


Crazy Kate I have ordered it. Thank you x

1 Like

Hello I must admit my daughter has been helping me. I am not too steady standing so have to be careful. You have done so well to manage two allotment plots. That’s hard work but must be very rewarding. A great place to talk to Brian x

1 Like

That garden looks beautiful,you’ll have made him proud. Gardening is definitely therapeutic if you can bring yourself to do it.I got really excited when some nasturtiums came up! A bit sad, but tiny steps!! And there’s nothing mad about thinking our loved ones are coming to visit in a different form, even a fly! I loved the owl . My daughter had a daddy long legs in her house for ages and thought it must be Malcolm, my son thought a wood pigeon was him and I’ve kept seeing a squirrel! So we’re all going crazy together!! Sending virtual hugsxxxx


Hi Johnswife
I totally understand how you are feeling, but you are stronger than you think. If you need to talk, someone is always listening. Mourning is not easy, I lost my mum recently, sooner than we were expecting. I cried a lot at the beginning, and occasionally now, but I’m having vivid dreams which I wish I weren’t having. I’m thinking that’s my body’s way of dealing with it. Lots of love to you.

my husband John passed on the 3rd of May this year, very suddenly we were all unprepared including my husband it is quite a shock to be told you have adanced cancer and nothing can be done, many people have said to me, you are copping well you are a strong woman, me i am like “what i am still in shock” now have the never ending unanswered questions of “why and how” I know i will go forward and learn to live with the grief i feel. Sometimes i am honest and tell people how i feel, but you get the (things will get better talk) and i am “I KNOW THIS” why cant people just accept you are greaving ?
Sheila :frowning:

Hi Sheila. They respond as they do because they know no better. None of us know what grief is like until we meet it head on. It’s why this site is so important. You may look well but it’s what is going on inside that hurts. This is not the time for ‘things will get better’. Nether is it the time for platitudes. I could have hit some people in the beginning with their silly and thoughtless remarks.
Now I have learned tolerance, which was sadly lacking before. I have found so much has changed in my mental attitude and for the better. My wife will be pleased about that. Bereavement can do that. It’s all so difficult. What to say or do. It is very early days for you and the old saying ‘one day a a time’ applies.
Take care. John.

Last week at the supermarket i bumped into a woman i used to work with, she is no stranger to greif, her husband passed about 10 years ago. she asked me “hows the family” I shook my head and said not so good, she looked at me and said "oh no i’m sorry but i cant handle this’ and then ran off !! I hope i never do that :cry:

Hello Sheila and John, I think facing people is so hard, especially when you get caught off guard by someone who has only just heard what happened. And then they look mortified and you’re trying to smile to make them feel alright and then you . …go home and break your heart all over again. I know life’s a journey but this one is so horrendous for us all and it seems never ending. Thank goodness for the lovely understanding people on here. Sorry to go on, but I’m feeling low as tomorrow is Malcolm’s birthday 3 months to the day since he died. Thank you for being there xx

I am sure tomorrow will be very hard for you. Three months is such a short time but you are probably like me and each day seems like a month and each week like a year. It all seems so pointless now and the future bleak. Everyone says take one day at a time, it’s just over 5 weeks now for me, but each day just drags by. Take care and I hope tomorrow is kind to you.

Oh Sheila I am so sorry that lady behaved like that. I can only imagine she could not cope with her own grief when she realised you were grieving. I am sure she felt dreadful later when she thought about it. People can just not deal with it but some do try to help. Take care.

Hello John’s wife, thank you for lovely message, it helps to get so much support on here.I would like to say it gets better but maybe I’m expecting too much. The only thing we can know is it can’t get any worse so logically the only way will be up one day. Take care xx

1 Like

hI bjane
aniversaries are difficult, it was my husbands Johns birthday last week, in the end i lite a candle and with my two sons we raised a very small glass of whiskey to toast him (Johns favorite tipple, but not mine) i quess we all find our own way to rember and think about our passed loved ones. I was once told to think of grief as a stone in your chest, at first the edges are rough and you feel you are being ripped apart, but over time the edges smooth, you still carry the stone but it does not hurt so much. Please never apologize for the way you feel,
Take care Sheila, X

1 Like