I am so scared to tell anyone

I lost my mom on the 10th of october this year to cancer I’m not one to talk about my feeling. I’ve typed this message about 5 times…and deleted it as it sound so silly when I read it back. I feel like Im drowning and screaming but no one see me or hears me when I tell them at work I’m struggling. I don’t know what to do I feel so numb. I panic a little things at work like the photocopyer not working. The boss sent a message a week after my mom had passed asking if I was coming back to work as he needed to get cover. So I jumped to all the wrong resons and went back to work 7 days after my mom passed away. The pain is just undescrible and he keeps asking what its like as he as not lost his mother.


I am so sorry for your loss and that you have felt it necessary to rush back to work. In my opinion you are not ready. You need to take the time to absorb and process what has happened. Rabbit n headlights. Talk to your boss and let him know you are not coping and you need to be away from work. Take small steps. Go hour by hour. Keep messaging on forum as there are lots of kind people who understand what you are going through. Sending a huge hug x


Firstly I am so sorry for your loss.

Secondly you should never feel like your feelings or your message to reach out sounds silly, we are all here to support you. So please keep reaching out.

Thirdly, I did exactly the same as you…I only got paid for 7 days off and during those 7 days flew to Ireland and back to be with Dad when he died so suddenly and for his funeral.
If I could have my time again I would have had more time off, I wasn’t ready to go back and by the sounds of it you aren’t either.
I am struggling more than ever and it is 11 months on but if I had given myself the time to grieve properly at the beginning I may not be in this state now.

Talk to your boss, get signed off if you need to but take some time to process what has happened and get the support you need!

Sending big hugs!


these losses are among the BIGGEST in life.

I keep saying the Victorians with one year of mourning had it right. Modern society has it all wrong.

They kick it under the carpet and you are expected to go along. Work or society, try to not allow them to dictate the terms of your grief.

it will be a LONG time before you heal.


I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum on 10th October too, she was only 66.
I am lucky as my boss has told me to take the time I need and there is processes in place for me to take that time. Can you speak to your boss or your GP about this and take more time . My close friend also lost her mum this year and she had just started a new job and felt she couldn’t take time but I can see she has not taken time to grieve properly
I hope that you can find some time for yourself to go through this it is still so early , barely a month since we lost our mums


I am so sorry you are going through this the pain is all consuming and the guilt is almost worst.

You need to leave the work place as soon as you are able to. The ties to that place and what they did to you will build more anger and resentment. You deserve to be treated better.

Your life would have been so precious to her so you need to put yourself first above everyone else. Your probably listening and being over powered by other people. You should speak even writing it will help I have just done the same and it’s not any kind of great end to your pain but at least you can just vent and type each time it gets to much.

Also if you make a mistake at work nothing will happen and if it’s that much pressure of these type of task. If you have sick pay maybe you should use it, nothing is more important than yourself at the moment. Take care sending you peace and love xx

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Why do I feel like no one at work sees me or hears me I have totally lost my way I say I am really struggling with my grief but thats as far as it goes my boss has not spoke to me for a whole week I feel invisable slowly disapearing while everone else carries on Why does greif hurt so much I miss you mom xxx


Kim-Emily I can’t imagine having to go back to work after just 7 days and then be ignored. What immense strength you have to have kept going. I lost my mum to cancer within 8 weeks of her being diagnosed this year. I was signed off for a month and my manager was really understanding but even having a month I feel now was not enough so I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but maybe speak to your GP and asked to be signed off, you’re boss may then realised how bad you are feeling. It’s such a difficult situation for people grieving to be in. Having to try and hold down a job and process all that you have lost. I miss my mum so much and all I can do really is let you know that I know the hurt you are feeling and it’s so very very difficult to live with. I wonder how if I live to be my mum’s age, another 20 years, will I cope all those years without her. I hope you manage to take some time off to process everything. You really need it.


Oh you poor darling, this is extremely hard for you. Your world has crumbled. Please know that you will get stronger in time. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. It is normal to feel this way , you are going to need time and nice people to talk to. The best ones to turn to are those who are also bereaved.


Thank you SamC
For your kind words and your time to reply sometimes that all we want is time but it moves so fast. I am sorry for your loss of mom to cancer. Cancer suck it robs us of our love one it blows your world apart and leave you with the after loss whilest still be on a roller coster ride of operations Dr opointments cemotherapy then after all that you watch them age and disapear right before your eyes it crule. I feel your pain and send you much love xxx

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Thank you Rachel50
I am so for your loss and I thankyou for your kind words its nice to be heard and replyed to sending much love xxx

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Hi this was one of my first posts. I would like to say look how far I’ve come. I felt like I was in a dark room and I was fumbling for the light switch. I listened to all the self-help talk about letting your feelings just be felt and letting the day just be a day some days where brutal could not find myself but did find many friends alone the way. Fumbling and stumbling in the dark then a lite candle on the floor. I pick it up a find a door my heart is racing its pounding so hard it feels like its in my head. I move towards the door handle stretching out my shanking hand the phone rings I jump out of my skin. I hear my younger sister voice I feel like im the bearer of bad new again our cousin has passsed away. I look at the door handle wanting to open it to get out of the pain. I sigh puff the candle is out and im sitting in the company of dark and lonely once again. Right back where I started Fumbling and hurting. This time I just shout can any body hear me…

my regards to you … I know how hard. mine gone six years and pain finally eased.

it is a most staggering loss. I hate it.

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Thank you for your kind words xxx

My first post on here.

So sorry to read how you are feeling and your situation after losing your mum.

I’m in the same situation, though my mother died in October 2021 and I didnt tell many people and have not really talked about it to anyone beyond immediate family and then again not in much detail. I think I haven’t fully accepted she has actually gone. Taken by Covid…and it was very sudden and unexpected. I really dont want to face up to the terrible loss, dont want fuss or the tilting head of sympathy people just do in what tends to be awkward. I am heartbroken and realise I need to talk about it. Hope this community will help. Thank you for your post which just resonated with me…all my very best to you xx J


Hello JRinBelfast
I am sorry for your loss and i feel your pain. I find it hard to talk to people but here we are all riding the same storm. I have found some amazing friends on here to listen to me when I need to rant or cry and comfort me when I’m sad or angry with no judgment or unhelpful comments. You are not alone we are all here to help each other with our losses. Sending much love xxx. Always here if you want to chat xxx

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I went to the doctor yesterday I felt so stupid trying to tell the doctor I think ove got depression he’s given me antidepressants but I feel so scared to tell anyone or to take them. I miss you mom xxx

My wife passed 4 months ago and I am still staring down a black hole.
I have been treated for depression a few times over the years and cannot distinguish the difference but I think that bereavement is the worse of the two.
Has anyone advice on whether it’s helpful or not to do such things as clearing wardrobes and Dressing Tables.

Hello JohnM
I am sorry for your loss and send you much love. I feel your pain.

Am very sorry for your loss. Do whatever helps you to try and somehow cope with bereavement, its so so very hard. If it’s too soon to deal with personal affects and clearing wardrobes etc you will know and feel this yourself. Do tgis when you are ready.

All my best wishes to you