I am Tired!!!!

We hold on to memories and life moves on and we move with it!
What you are doing is not selfish it is self preservation and self caring!!
Good on you
Safie xx

Now that’s more like it. Sounds more like you. You be as selfish as you want to. I felt so guilty about not being able to get through to Brian’s daughters but they refused to answer any of my letters or telephone calls but they really showed their true colours after their father’s death.
I have had a totally shit day and will be glad to crawl into bed and although I promised to find something to smile about every day haven’t found much today. My laptop died this morning and I have spent all day trying to get it going again. We have another laptop which I am using now but it hasn’t been used for a year or so as Brian didn’t like it. I have managed to get it going with great difficulty, why does everything have to be complicated these days. Then couldn’t get logged into SR and my password wasn’t accepted. Suddenly it worked and here I am. Going to bed now as totally fed up. Hopefully tomorrow will be better day.

Pat, never stops to amaze me how some people can behave! Did you have a good relationship with Brian 's daughters? How old were they when you came into their lives?
Sadie

Sadie & Pat
Big kisses to you both, like you guys have bad days Tuesday was a really crap day completely broke down but got back up (8th time lol) . Spent time having awkward conversations and making choices, sounds silly but I am changing my home environment as I cannot live in it as it is ( it hurts too much) we were going to change it anyway nothing major lick if paint etc. I’m trying to make it more mine instead of ours . Making these chances I hope will give me a settled base on which to tackle other issues. My husband said don’t create an effing shrine! Thank you for being a here x

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Silverlady you made me laugh well your husband made me laugh - yes you don’t want a shire !!
You sound so positive today - good !! Because you feel positive doesn’t mean you loved him any less
I have good and bad days
I went to see a homeopath - she gave me some drops to have only 1 drop daily - and I have felt a difference in my sleep - I hope that whatever it is will help me to concentrate better

One thing I found out is that been alone takes so much longer to do everything! There is no one there to give a hand: atake a parcel to the post office - read all the important papers ( which I never did - it was always Jack) etc etc
I can’t explain how much I miss him
Safie x

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Sadie x been offered pills to pop in pop up and oils to rub and sniff, lavender spray is helping a bit but the sneezing wakes me up :slight_smile:

No being positive brings me back to the person he loves.
Shire ( I am the same height as a hobbit with dodgy feet) lol put your glasses on Hun lol shrine!

Keep making typos!!
s x

Lol oh my friends are used to me well it’s not me it’s bloody predictive text, yesterday I complained about a herpes delivery! My daughter pointed it out after she had stopped laughing and I had hit the send button. You have heard of baby brain we have grief brain!

Grief brain!! Well described!
We go for massages, meet friends, go to work find things to make us calmer ( for me is cross stitch) we have potions, teas, homeopath, exercise, acupuncture etc etc but there isn’t a pill that can take away that feeling of been alone and lonely !
I have to plan things so well because I know if I don’t I will feel low - saying that I am off for a swim/ steam room or else I will be alone until tomorrow morning and I find hard
My kids are supportive but they have things to do and can’t babysit me all the time

Maybe a glass of wine with dinner
Sadie x

Sadie
I too have learnt coping stragies over the months arranging meals in the freezer for my down days, I have a focus with my hubbys to do list, yes bad days happen when the loneliness strikes so bad, like you I am lucky I have my children again like you I want them to get on with their own life / grief. When I want to stay in bed I do when I have an ok day I try to progress things. I have to believe that things will get better. X

This is a very uplifting thread… reading what you all think and feel encourages me and for that I want to thank you…it’s hard to do all on my own but I’m just going to keep trying, and be happy for any success I make…I’m stepping out of my comfort zone (although that wasn’t any too secure) - making myself meet & interact with new people, taking up knitting (and have been gifted with a huge bag of wool!!!), and am planning the final winterization of my little house…Oh that’s a hard one - we/me, ours/mine,present/past - but I fumble through the words…Thank you all for being here, for being so gentle & kind & caring

Hi Heather - so glad you feel the way you do. All those things you said take a lot of effort - this whole process is so challenging but we have to keep trying
Hope your Sunday is ok
Sadie xx

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Hi Sadie, yes as far I was concerned we got on just fine. I knew the eldest daughter was a bit miffed when Brian and I decided to marry as she lived with her father but she was 21 at the time so not a kid… She did cause a bit of trouble with his family by telling tales. Brian just ignored it all. They came to our wedding and acted like a couple of silly kids. I didn’t bother with them for a while but it all blew over and since then we have had a good relationship, or so I thought. However It took them three days after their father died before they contacted me. I invited them to be involved in their dads funeral but they didn’t seem bothered. At the funeral they wanted it all to be about them and didn’t like it when mourners came to me and not them and they went off crying. Which I thought to be a bit much as they hadn’t been to see their father for a few years and he was the one ringing them up to keep contact, in the end Brian gave up and didn’t want either of them contacted in his last days. They both live locally. Anyway I decided after making phone calls and writing letters and not getting a call back or a reply that I wasn’t going to bother anymore. His grandchildren have obviously followed in their mothers footsteps because not a word and they are all grown up so not children. The rest of his family have been no better and this has surprised me as we spent time together and had family gatherings but not one call from any of them although I have sent e-mails and letters telling them how much I would like to hear from them. I feel inclined to send them all a Christmas card this year with a few choice words written!!! I am surviving without them.

Patti I wouldn’t bother, drop them a card if need be and leave it at that, you said yourself Brian didn’t bother with them, why should you. Every action has a reaction and every reaction has a consequence. Don’t give them head space. X

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Hi there, It’s not silly to make changes around the home, I feel exactly the same as you. I started decorating just after Brian died. With all the things I had to do and sort out, I also decorated every room. Nothing major, as you say just a lick of paint. Brian didn’t like colour he was a magnolia person but I like colour so thinking of doing every room in bright colours. Considering other changes but not sure if I want to keep the house or not. Or whether to cut my association with this house and start again in a new house which will be mine. Sometimes the memories bring me comfort and other times I wish I could run away from them. When I work in our garden I think of him being there with me. We argued most of the time when we was gardening, never agreed with each other, so we split the garden down the middle, fence and gate and he had the bottom half and I had the top. Now I have it all and it just doesn’t seem the same. It’s become a chore and I love gardening.
Today wasn’t too bad. I did a long country walk this morning, worked on the allotment. Went to the grave where his ashes are and planted spring bulbs, family visit this afternoon and one computer working again. Then noticed that my back light on the car had been smashed. So not so good after all. I just don’t want complications in my life at the moment. I want a peaceful, almost hermit like existence.
Pat xx

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People are amazing !!
You better keep them where they are and not bother with Christmas cards - it is odd how death affects relationships. Jack’s sister and I had a distant and cold relationship but with his death we have become closer and we enjoy each other’s company- Jack’s brother had 4 months to contact Jack - from diagnosis to death - so if I never see his brother again it is great! During these 4 months there was not 1 phone call, card, email, text message … nothing at all
Life is short to have this sort of people close to us

Do you think Brian’s daughters are concerned about inheritance??

My Sunday has been ok - but it takes so much effort to make sure I am ok

Take care
Sadie xx

Hi Oat
You what you want with your house
I am in the process of buying a house just across the street from one of my daughters - knowing that someone is just there will make a difference . Jack and I had talked about moving closer to her but we thought it would be in 10 years time - and the house found me - it feels right - the memories I have here are in my heart and not in the house - I can close my eyes and see whatever I want to see. It would be strange to move without Jack - in all the previous houses we had he carried me into the house …you do what your want because people may criticise you whatever you do
Sadie xx

Hi, my husband sadly passed away suddenly 6 months ago, Tom was the most loving husband and a fantastic Dad to our three grown up daughters, he was a people magnet, just radiating light. Now we are all left in darkness, I miss his happiness and fun. I love him so much, I go through the events of the night when it happened everyday and ask why, how. Tom wasn’t poorly he had got all his things ready for work in the morning, the morning never came for him. I still don’t understand why, I am functioning but I feel numb. Of course I’ve done all the practical things, returned to work. Carry out all the jobs that Tom used to do. I am so tired and feel so sad all the time. I would love to feel happy again, but I don’t think I ever will. Our daughters are amazing they too are all suffering but somehow they manage to get some joy out of their days, I am very proud of them as I know Tom would be also. I just can’t see the future, we had everything planned, he would of been sixty this year we had holidays, shows and other events arranged, of course these were either cancelled or passed on to our daughters to enjoy. Sorry for the rambling, I have been reading this forum for around 4 months and it’s helped me realise that behind all those faces out there they to maybe locked in their grief. I am so lonely, I do sit and daydream about our 39 years together and how much fun we had and how lucky we were to have had such a wonderful marriage, Tom was such a thoughtful, loving husband. Just miss him so much and I want him back, I want my life back.

Oh Sadie…my words exactly…

“I am so so tired!
Tired of crying, tired of been alone, tired of doing everyday things, tired to try to create a new life that I don’t want
I am tired to be alone.”

Jackie…

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It’s exhausting, tired and lonely, putting on the brave face. Sitting on the sofa thinking. I keep trying to tell myself stop thinking just do it but without the energy things are a lot harder to do, it’s a vicious circle. People say you must look after yourself but that’s easier said than done, if you can’t sleep and your appetite isn’t the same. It’s, well I don’t have the words, sorry.
Take care.