Interesting how some conversations come alive again - girls well done doing something positive everyday - it is simple - we just have to put a foot in front of the other without worrying about the results. But simple is not necessarily easy
I just keep doing things - I work part time, exercise classes, meet people for coffee( someone on this forum described them as half people - people that if Jack was alive I wouldn’t bother) , I have travelled and will be moving - and I just keep down NH it and even allow myself quiet moments when I don’t want to see anyone. Why? I want to live - I want Jack to be proud of me, he would most upset and sad if he saw me swallowed by my pain, but also for my children and grandchildren - however I have changed - there is not excitement and joy and as always that huge void inside me
But everything start with a foot in front of the other and hopefully - so well done girls!!!
With love
Sadie xx
I lost my husband in July. I have started to change some rooms in my house especially the front room as it feels weird being there as it was x never let anyone tell you what is the right thing to do. We are all different and deal with things in different ways x I feel it has helped me to change a few things x
Hi friends, Now this is what I like to hear. Positive steps indeed, we might do a few steps backwards in the process of trying to go forward but we are making the effort.
I have, since losing Brian made up my mind to do something everyday. I write everything I do in my diary and nowadays it always has full pages. He was always asking me why I couldn’t keep still and even said I was hard work as I always wanted to be doing things, well I am now pleased that I have the will to want to live a life, perhaps not the life I want but a life of sorts.
Since Christmas I have had a full diary. Meeting’s with two new groups, at last I feel ready to join in. The allotment people when there is something arranged I can go and run off crying. Work party last week, meeting with them at a local pub this week. Sing along at the local church to raise funds for the roof. Today I met up with 12 other people that are members of the Hospice counselling group and we have branched out and meet up regularly for a get together. I then walked my dogs along the beach nearby with another member and his dogs. All sounds ordinary but something I have struggled with for the last year and as far as I’m concerned I am doing something. This week I have also been walking with my dogs and worked on our allotments for three days. Hard work but worthwhile. Next week I find myself with two meetings with friends on the same day, how am I going to juggle that one.
I write to Brian every night and tell him what I’ve been doing and assuring him that he is still very much with me. Yes it’s up to us to get back into the land of the living. I still have a cry everyday but that I have come to expect. I still feel that helpless pain. I still feel that loneliness of not having my man.
Good luck to you all
Pat xxx
Sorry I meant to say "And NOT run off crying.
Pat
Well done Pat - it takes a lot of effort doesn’t it - I have be doing ok - busy and jet lagged and now just felt a knot on my throat because it is the weekend!!
People like you are a great inspiration for me to keep going -
Thank you for sharing
Sadie x
Well, I’ve made the wallhangers and they haven’t turned out too badly, I managed to cover the errant scratches and holes with some metal leaf so they look quite good - from a distance! I’ve also started building a kit guitar - a Strat - and I’ve copper leafed the whole body and headstock. I’m just finishing off the lacquer clear coats and then I can put the electronics in. I should be playing it by Saturday evening. Go me! It’s so weird because I know that Clive would have been peering over my shoulder and giving “helpful advice” for a bit before elbowing me out of the way and doing it himself. I actually had a little chuckle while I was hanging them because I could almost hear him tutting with frustration while I grappled with the complexities of changing a drill bit.
It’s so very odd to think that I’m making changes to our home, hanging things on the wall that he’ll never see, playing music he’ll never hear. I did have a weep when I’d finished the hangers, just because I so desperately wanted to show them to him and ask him what he thought about them. It’s those little things isn’t it?
Still, every morning I pull on my Big Girl Pants and try to make it through another day.
Well, time to get back to practicing. I’m learning Parisienne Walkways, one of Clive’s favourite songs, which I hope to have perfected by our anniversary at the beginning of March - an anniversary gift to him which I hope he can somehow hear.
Well done girl!!
We cry - have melt downs ( had a huge one today ) but we put some lipstick on and keep going!!
Well done you!!
Sadie xx
Hi ladies and gentlemen. We mourn, struggle and take baby steps forward. I still can’t talk to people about how I’m doing. I can readily talk about the circumstances and the eventual outcome and everything I have done. But not about me. Will this come in time?
They sound beautiful skywise. How lovely to learn cloves favourite song. I fully believe they knoww what we are up to. Your post made me smile as l often feel Doug over my shoulder when l am doing jobs he used to do. I also like the saying big girls pants l am going to adopt it if you don’t mind . X
Dear Montague
What do you mean by " will this come in time?"
I hope this forum helps you. Most of us are women but the hurt and void is all the same no matter if you are a guy or a woman
Sadie
In conversation I can talk about gardening, the new roof., what I did with Steve’s clothes. Holidays that I have booked. All the things that I do just to fill the day but as soon as someone says “ and how are you doing?” I just cry and I feel as though I need to run away. I cry when I am on my own, but I just can’t talk about how I feel to other people. I think I have become very good at putting on a front.
Montague - join the club! We become quite good to behave and look well - however deep down we don’t feel it
Also I find that people used to ask how I was I would burst into tears - slowly I am learning to smile sweetly and just say ok!
I just don’t feel like sharing !
How long ago your partner died? I lost Jack 15 months ago - I don’t cry loads everyday - I cry little bits during the day and then have a good meltdown every so often. We all mourn differently
Sadie x
Hi, I too find it hard to share how low I feel sometimes with all but my closest friends. Even my family get the brave face. I’m lucky that I have a couple of friends who loved my husband very much and with them I can let my guard down. I think the main thing is not to deny our true feelings to ourselves…cry when you feel like it…let the emotions come…I feel other people won’t really know what to do if I gave them an honest answer to ‘how am I?’ But I do a lot of self reflection …I’ve not tried counselling…although several people tell me it helps…I don’t feel I need it as I have my friends…but if you feel you have to keep your guard up to everybody it might be something you could try…sending hugs x