My dear Mag, it’s so nice to hear from you again. I was told time would heal just a week after Brian’s funeral and you know I honestly believed at that time that all I had to do was get through the next couple of months and I would feel OK again. Well I am over a year now on this merry go round of emotions and I can say that time certainly doesn’t heal but what I have found it does do is give us time to become accustomed and to accept. That is not to say that the slightest little thing will not reduce me to tears but I don’t fight them anymore, I let them come, I want there to be tears I want to remember my husband, my tears now bring some comfort. I accept them as a part of my life for ever I have better days now, but the bad days and the really bad days can still attack me. I used to freak at the sadness of my loss and how it made me feel but now I can just hope to feel better the next day.
Please do not think you are on your own, we all understand. I am so pleased you have your little dog. They are such a comfort. The day that Brian died I just wanted to go with him but I looked at the faces of my two dogs and knew I had to look after them. They have been a blessing to me ever since.
xxx
I am seriously considering a pet to get me through. Sorry i can’t say more i am struggling with tears
Hello Jeeny - I think having a pet is a great help. It takes you outside of yourself, even if just for a moment. My cats give me something to look after and love. Their presence offers me comfort. I would be even more alone without them…
I find all these posts help as a sudden unexpected widower (hate that word) at 49 help with trying to manage every day/hour/minute. I’m 4 weeks in since my wife was cruelly stolen from me. I’ve gone from a strong overcomerr and supportive person to a crumbling wrek.
I’m also looking to get a pet cat. As I need something to give me a reason to continue. We could not have children and family is almost non existent. My girl was the last of her family line.
I only found people on here understand my feelings and how the extremely short but tramatic experience we both had before she went to a better world but without me. Although I would not care if I joined her today.
Jay my Dog and Cat are the only reason I get out of bed! They adored Peter and have become so clingy and cuddly since his death. It was my dog that alerted me that something was wrong that dreadful night 26 days ago . I am dreading going back to work. He was not perfect and there were times that I hated him but now he is gone the realisation of how deep my love for him is has overwhelmed me. Only yesterday a well meaning friend said you’re only 49 you’ll meet someone else, I know they were trying to be comforting but I cannot imagine my life with anyone else !
Like you I cannot imagine life with someone else. She was my world and in 23 years together we never shouted at each other might have a disagreement but never a massive argument. We deeply loved eachother we shared everything. Nothing could replace that. I would not even try. Fortunately not many go through what we have so usually our family and friends can only say what they think would help. But without going through this extreme pain they have no idea.
As I keep being told. Keep safe and well
Jen28 I feel just the same, we had massive rows and fallouts but loved each other underneath it all. I realise just how much I did love him and miss him so much and am finding it hard to go on without him. What makes me so sad is he was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of months before he died and it made so much sense of what kept happening.I feel so guilty.
Peter was a diabetic so I knew our rows were a symptom and he would snap out of it quickly but didn’t make it hurt any less at the time. But what I wouldn’t give for another full on ding dong argument with him !
It’s been 5 months since Steve died, it’s getting worse everyday I shake all day but i can’t cry, I think of Suicide everyday I am completely alone as I have no family, he was my life and my best mate got 43 years.I really can’t go on
Oh Jen 28 I so feel that pain. My Malcolm was type 1 diabetic too, what a recipe for trouble. Yes, me too, would welcome one of his blow outs!! I also miss. all his medical paraphernalia and insulin ithatbblovked up half the fridge. If only we could turn back the clock!! x
Mag have you tried counselling, I hate to think of you so hurting and alone. Sue Ryder has an online counselling service , worth a try. 43 years is a long time, I had 49 and really it’s a lifetime we’ve spent with them, No wonder we feel as we do, but it’s going to take a very long time. Take care of yourself x
I’m sorry. I lost my wife just over 4 weeks ago suddenly and unexpectedly. She was only 53. I’m 49 we never had children and every day I wished I had gone with her. I have had thoughts about not continuing especially in the constant silence and bring alone moments which is all the time. I do try to think what she would say to me about ending it myself and that stops me going further. However if I was to go of a brokenheart naturally I would not regret it.
Life is so cruel
@bjane I still have a fridge full of insulin and a cupboard full of needles I haven’t been able to face parting with any of his stuff yet. I never imagined that I would be a widow at 49. The most horrendous thing for me at the moment is remembering the last words he said to me as they took him away from me in the ambulance “ I’m scared” those words haunt me.
blame, thank you for your reply I am having counciling but not helping I can’t contemplate many more months feeling like this, I feel I want to run away from myself to stop the hurt, don’t know if that makes any sense. mag
I’ve still got all her stuff where she left it including medicine, toiletries, toothbrush, towel. I could go on but as I don’t need to make space it can all stay there. That includes food too. I have no plans to move or remove her stuff this was our home and it still is
Mag, what you’re going through makes perfect sense. This is the one place where everyone understands just what you’regoing through and you can let it all out here without worrying that you may be upsetting someone, as with family and friends. We’re all going trough this terrible time together. some of us further along than others, but united in our all consuming grief. Jen,I used to wish I had more space in the fridge but I’d give anything to have it all there now. It took weeks to be able to get it all to boots along with accuchecks, etc. But everything else is just the same, toiletries, toothbrush and the special toothpaste he liked in his mug,clothes, shoes.How can we ever be strong enough to do anything with them? Or maybe we don’t have to, does it matter if we don’t? I get sad when I see it all but know I’d be sadder if it wasn’t there. Take care all of you x
I’m still new to it. I’ve kept everything the same. All her stuff is there not moved. I most weeks got her flowers. Not for any reason other than to show my love to her. I am still doing that. I have a candle lit all the time I’m indoors Infront of a large photo of her. She lit my world which is now a dark place so only my bit of light. Just sharing what I do
I know what you mean Jay. Malcolm was diabetic and if he got hungry in the evening and his blood sugar was quite
high he would eat celery, which is low carb. There are still a couple of very sad stalks in the fridge , going a bit brown and soggy but I still can’t bring myself to get rid of them. And he used to get me flowers every week too, pink stargazer lilies that I loved. Now just the thought of them and their beautiful perfume breaks me up.
People just don’t get how losing the other half so destroys you. I say other half as half or more is forever missing. I only have the sad lonley painful bit left.
Her clothes are still on the bed where she left them. After changing bedding I put them back.
Just find it hard to keep going. Why am I here?
I did the same with Malcolm’s shirt and sweater he’d left on the bed so I know how you feel Jay, it’s just so awful there are no words., just a gut wrenching pain that feels . . like it’ll never go away. It’s nine weeks for me and I do have the odd day that doesn’t feel quite as terrible until I start thinking. I hope you will start to have a few moments’peace to give you some hope for the future. x