I can’t see a way forward

My husband of 27 years died suddenly on the 12th May whilst out cycling training for a charity cycle from London to Paris and I don’t know how I can go on without him. We haven’t even had his funeral yet and the trauma of losing him so suddenly is stopping me eating and sleeping. He was only 47 years old and was so fit and healthy I am finding it hard to comprehend he could suddenly drop down dead of a cardiac arrest with no warning. I really can’t see a future without him but I know I need to try as i have a 22 year old son and a 2 year old grandson but I just can’t stop crying. How do I do life without my soul mate he was the other half of me and I can’t see a way forward.

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I am so sorry for your loss. It is senseless and so cruel. I lost my lovely hubby, soulmate and best friend suddenly at the age of 53 on 25 August 2023. Every day and night remain a struggle for me. I find it too hard to talk about the circumstances, resuscitation devastatingly failed. I cannot get my head around that we did not return together to our home on that day and that the future has been totally wiped out. Take care, offering a hug of strength and support to you.

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SFM I’m sorry for your loss also, I am the same I just don’t understand why he had no warning no symptoms and no health issues and could be taking a picture for Snapchat one minute and be dead within the next 5 minutes. I wasn’t with him when it happened he left our home to go cycling with his uncle who was the one that tried several times to rescusitate him without success before the paramedics then tried for 40 mins again without success, I just don’t get it and I think the shock is affecting me more than the grief. I did see him in the ambulance right after he passed and I have visited him several times in the funeral home and he does look at peace so I know he suffered no pain but I just can’t comprehend a future without him, we had so many plans for the future and now I can’t even see one without him.

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You are echoing my thoughts and feelings. My David died suddenly on the 14th May of a cardiac arrest. He was not at home but I got there in time for his death. Yes the resus was hell to watch and i know they tried their best. I have still been unable to see David as we had to wait for the post mortem which showed he had blocked arteries, then they did not have a coffin, it has been torture i think of him all alone at the funeral home and no one who loves him has been there in all that time. I have an appointment tomorrow to go and see him.at last. His funeral is on the 5th June.

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Penny I’m so sorry this happened, Chris fortunately didn’t need a post mortem as our doctor was comfortable signing off his medical certificate based on the rhythm his heart was in at the time of the heart attack as a defibrillator was brought to him within 5 minutes and for that I am grateful. I also lost my dad to a cardiac arrest 2 years ago and we did have to have a PM and I know how traumatising that can be. Chris was an avid cyclist and fundraiser for the RBL so I had to delay his funeral to allow a bespoke poppy coffin to be made but I know that’s what he would have wanted, I just need to get through his funeral on the 4th June then try and see how I navigate a future without the other half of me. Sending you love and hugs I hope you get some peace after seeing your David, I’m sending you strength for his funeral too :heart::heart:

Thank you Shazzac x

On the 29th it will be 16 months since my partner of 16 years, went out on a bike ride and just switched off and died. Said he felt faint and fell off the bike and that was that.

I can feel the pain you’re in and remember how unbearable it was. You have a long road to travel and there will be many dark days. There is no easy fix unfortunately. Grief is a process and each day needs to be walked through.

Eventually the pain subsides and becomes a dull ache, life gets easier. Grief comes in waves and those waves are intense right now but in time they will have spaces in between and the waves will feel less huge.

16 months on, there are many weeks and months between the waves but you still get knocked down occasionally but the recovery is quicker.

Take life hour by hour just now. Take all the help you can get. Reach out on here as you need to. There are many on here going through the same thing as you. Life is going to be tricky for a while. Cling on to whoever you can to help you. Eat and drink when you can you’ll need the energy.

Grief never goes away but it gets so much easier to live with as time goes on. Best wishes.
Ali

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Thank you everyone on here, it is very very helpful and comforting to read what others are going through and knowing you are normal and are not the only one going through this hell.

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My husband died of a heart attack on the 15th April, he brought me a cup of tea in bed and said " made with love " as he did every day, then next thing he is having CPR on our living room floor, and two days in icu where they switched his life support off. All I can say is he passed out before he took the heart attack, I saw that! so he would of know nothing, just me I know everything , Was with Nick 24 years and it was only 17 months ago we eloped to Gretna Green and got married.I waited so long for my Mr right after an abusive previous marriages , he was my 3rd time lucky, we cried when we said our vows , and I never felt like that before. He was 65, I am 56. I won’t lie I was full of diazepam and drank wine on the day of his funeral ! not ideal I know, but for me it was the only way. I feel totally robbed ! and the question WHY?

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Oh Jane, I lost my David on the 14th May, his was a heart attack too. I also feel robbed as I am sure everyone on here does, it is the most awful awful feeling. This last year we had got closer than we have ever been and had sort of entered a new and more intense kind of love, I have been with David for over 20 years, we were perfect for each other. All we can do is take it day by day. X

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Do you know what , thats what i thought, wish I found this site weeks ago, cos you defo feel you are not the only one, when I was out shopping I would look at people and think " wonder if her husband had a sudden heart attack "? or I would see couples together and think " wonder why they are allowed to be together and I wasn’t "!

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Thank you so much Ali I am trying to take each day as it comes and not look too far ahead now xx

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my soulmate of 37 years suddenly too, last May, to cardiac arrest, he went to work and never came home. I still remember I was so shock and numb for weeks/months. I couldn’t eat and sleep and lost 2 stones in the process.
All of us here going through the same heartbreaking, sad, empty and lonely journey and we understand what you must be going through.
I ask myself the same question all the time, how do I go on without my soulmate - but all I can do is take one day at a time and go with the flow, exist each day how I can. I talk to him daily as if he was around by my side - sounds crazy but it helps enormously!
Sending big hugs

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Thank you Angel I am just trying to take it a day at a time, I have lost 18lbs in the last two weeks I am just finding it really hard to stomach food at the moment. I am so lost without him.

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This is exactly how I feel Jane I am looking at every couple that go past me thinking why did it have to be us this happened to life is so cruel.

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I went to meet my son from his college job for lunch, and I was looking around the “Range” shop first, and I could hear a woman ask her hubby about a shower head! That set me off, “who will I ask about a shower head”? I ended up going home and couldn’t face lunch out

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Aww Jane this is heartbreaking it’s funny how you take things for granted especially silly little things like that. I ventured out on my own today to pick up the dress I ordered for Chris’s funeral and spent the full time praying I didn’t bump into anyone I knew.

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Totally understand this. I could barely eat anything for the first few weeks and took sleeping tablets to make the long nights go away. I then graduated to comfort food like macaroni cheese and lived off microwave rubbish for weeks. I had my first vegetable in months today. Small steps! Sending much love as the shock takes your breath away.

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I am still avoiding people 6 weeks later ! I will cross the other side of the road if I have to , I just can’t stand the “how are you “ !

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Yep I am up to the rubbish now ! First 3 weeks hardly ate lost a stone now I am not “cooking “ just eating crap !

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