I feel your pain, my husband had a heart attack while he was sorting out a estate at a house. Their was no warning signs but heart attacks are one of the biggest silent killers. Its been 6 weeks and 3 days. I had to fight for a post mortem mainly for peace of mind. Im still struggling to process everything. I cant sleep and i cant leave the house on my own due to having panic attacks. This grief is awful and it’s not like ive not lost people on my life before. This is on another level. Big hugs to you xx
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It’s the shock that hits you the worst I think isn’t it. They leave to do something normal and don’t come home I can’t get my head round it I honestly don’t know what would have been harder losing him in an instant like that or knowing beforehand it was going to happen like with an illness I have witnessed both with my parents but your right what you say this grief is another level. I know I am a really strong person and Chris knew that too but every day just seems a struggle at the moment, I know it’s very early days but it’s hard to see a point when I won’t ever feel like this. I hope you at least got a little peace from getting some answers sending you big hugs just keep doing your best that’s all you can do xx
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Oh, please take good care of yourself he would want you to be strong and healthy I am sure. I went through the same trauma so lost without him and even now almost 13 months on I am still lost without him. The grief does not get any better but I find at least I am able to focus a little better on my day-to-day, although with very deep sadness constantly underneath the surface. I guess that’s what living with grief actually means!
Sending love and hugs 
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I can identify with all this.
Heart, sudden and unexpected, watched CPR, injections, shocking him. Coming home without him when we had left home as a couple.
No appetite, weight loss, shock and much more.
It is now 3 months and reality keeps barging into my mind. I honestly prefer the shock!
I miss him more and more each day.
Sending love and hugs,
Rose.
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Its only been 18 days for me and we haven’t had the funeral yet but the pointlessness of everything is grinding me down. I have my grandson living here which is my reason to carry on each day, he is very good and understanding and we prop each other up. He is 19 so not a young child but I want him to be a college teenager and all that goes with that not someone who feels responsible for grandma so I hide a lot of my misery from him.
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I am so sorry.
I can understand the feeling of pointlessness especially at 18 days. No doubt along with shock, disbelief and many other feelings.
I think most of us have held back our part of our distress from others for different reasons.
You can express your feelings on here as we understand and know what you are going through. So please feel free to write about your emotions and everything else that goes with bereavement on here.
I hope your grandson being with you brings you some comfort.
Sending you a big, big hug,
Rose x
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We all are going through the same devastatingly sad and lonely journey.
Please try take good care and take one day at a time if you can.
sending love, hugs and strength xx
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So sorry Penny I lost my partner of 21 yrs in March , he was a gardener . He had a heart attack whilst at work all so sudden . We had five children together ages 11- 21. Coroners report came back , coronary heart disease but no one knew just all unexpected. I go to work come home do the same thing day by day . Hardly see friends , can’t listen to music and only watch certain tv programmes. Such great memories gone . I just take each day at a time . So glad I have my kids around me . My partner was 58 and I’m 54 we would always talk about growing old together.
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Oh sylv we were the same, naking plans for this summer and looking foreward to the rest of our lives together. David was only 55 , he always said he would live to be 100.
Its such a shame a tragedy for us that are left behind. The horrible feelings that you cant relieve because the only thing that could help relieve those feelings is that wonderful person that has gone.
All we can do is live day by day, you have family and so do i , at least we are not alone, although it feels like we are.
I try to make myself buck up because I know David would not want me to be like this, but for you as well it is very early days so he will have to put up with some more tears, i am not ready to stop weeping yet. X
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My husbands death certificate also showed heart disease, he had a heart attack and passed 7 weeks ago age 65, I am 56. He had a previous heart attack when he was 44! Now they did say that was very young but he did smoke back then he gave up that day, he was conscious all through that heart attack he was put on tablets and didn’t need any surgery and had checks every year etc , as the decades went on , I just thought Nick would be on tablets for the rest of his life and we would at least get chance to retire together . When he had the sudden and fatal heart attack it felt nothing like the first time ,cos when I asked him he said the pains were across his back etc we thought he had a chest infection he never for one min thought he was having a heart attack and he had already experienced one ! He passed out in our living room before taking the heart attack so I know he didn’t know a thing , then two days in icu . All I can say is he never knew a thing of all of it x
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Oh @Sjw65 i feel your pain and am so sorry for the loss of your partner.
I have 4 kids, aged between 16- 23 and my husband died aged 56, I am 52. He was really fit and healthy but was diagnosed with a rare and very aggressive cancer and passed within 4 months.
I also can’t listen to music, only watch certain tv programmes and struggle to read anymore as my concentration is so poor.
I haven’t returned to work yet and struggle to see how my future is going to be without him.
I’m struggling to find space and time to grieve as I have to be present and strong for my kids but I just feel everything is so pointless most of the time. I hate having this always present ache and the tears come at a drop of a hat but I hide them from others.
I keep looking for hope that it will get better but I know its early days yet and I know this is a horrible journey we need to feel and experience before it can get any better.
It’s funny how my head can be so rational about the grief but my broken heart just struggles to see a way forward.
Sending strength and love to all of us in this place 
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It was my amazing husband Chris’s funeral yesterday and what a day… I think he would have been so proud of everything I did for him but he had no idea how loved he really was between the crematorium and the live steam there was nearly 600 people paying their respects to my incredible soul mate. I just don’t know what to do now, the last 3 weeks I have been consumed by making sure all the arrangements were perfect and this morning I woke up feeling more empty than I did the day he died. I still can’t see a future without him and I just don’t know what to do now 
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Oh @ShazzaC I feel your pain and I’m so sorry for you loosing your wonderful partner.
It’s not long since I was in your situation as my husband aged 56 passed in March, and the day after the funeral was really hard and in many ways a new step in the grief journey.
It’s such hard work this grief, and you may find the days ahead a bit more difficult now that the funeral and all it’s tasks have been completed.
Just make sure you look after yourself and don’t try to do too much. Eat and sleep when you can or want to, and keep posting on here - I find it helps to know that I’m not alone in this journey.
I also have no idea of what the future will hold for me, or how to do it alone, but I’m learning to sit with that uncertainty and just try accept it for now until I can think a little clearer. I have no idea when that will be.
Sending love and strength. Is so hard …
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The day after the funeral is very hard.
As you have written all the arrangements were made and now achieved.
The funeral has taken place.
Both of those will have been tiring and emotional.
Now there is time to think.
I agree with @roni52 try to look after yourself. and do what you can. You will probably find distractions will help.
Sending a very big hug!
Love,
Rose x
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Aww I agree my hubbys funeral was May 7th , he wouldn’t of wanted a “fuss” well he got one ! He had worked with “adults with learning disabilities “ for years getting them into paid employment so there was a lot of different employers there as well as his students some of which didn’t understand that Nick won’t be coming back , heartbreaking .
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Big hug xx
We had the funeral yesterday, now I am even more empty.Now Davids bodyhas been cremated it has finalised that he is not and will not be ever coming back. What a dreadful, lonely heartbreaking thought.
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Dear @penny6 ,
the day after the funeral is difficult.
People who have not been through this sometimes think the funeral provides ‘closure’. Perhaps it does in a way.
The time after the funeral is challenging.
It is another step or stage of this awful journey. I fully understand your feelings.
Without arrangements to make, admin to complete, etc I found I had too much time to think. Whilst I realised I needed time to grieve I had more than enough.
So, I needed some distractions if you like.
I must admit I didn’t feel like doing much!
I found writing on here very helpful.
Big hugs,
Rose xx
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It felt so final watching his coffin lowering down to the bottom of the grave
I never thought I would do this but my husband had the ashes of two dogs as well as both of his parents at our house he said he just couldn’t part with them and he would scatter one day , now I have had his parents and dogs scattered , I decided to bring Nick home , and for now I have him in a lovely personalised urn , I am not saying I won’t scatter him one day , but for now he is on the left hand side of the bedroom where he always was , and now still is
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