Oh Molly! It sounds so hard for you. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. … this time of year. Does your mum realise that your Dad has passed?? Have you other siblings who help out? It’s so difficult when someone has a dementia to gauge how much of 'reality 'they understand sometimes. Like not remembering that a loved one has died…I worked with a lady in her 80s who was distraught that she couldn’t find her little sister. …who has died years ago, but in her mind, they were still both children needing to get home for dinner, or mum would be worried. It was heart breaking for everyone involved…and of course so much harder when it’s your mum. As for my mum, I’ve been so worried about her. She is so low in mood…at first seemed to be coping ‘well’…but now that the visitors have tailed off…and supportive messages. …and people offering condolence…she’s starting to really struggle. And of course Christmas pressures don’t help anyone…Anyway…please take good care of yourself and just do what you can manage. Sending lots of warm wishes and hugs. You can get through…Take care, Joy
Thanks Joy. I think my poor mum has a broken heart and we can’t mend it. She can’t grieve like us, by talking and working through it so it’s super tough for her. She’s not really eating now and keeps saying her Dad is coming any more, when I think she means her husband. It’s heart breaking and he would be so sad not to be there for her. He never in a million years thought he would predecease her. He had so much to live for, and she has nothing to live for now, as her dementia is so advanced. Life can be so cruel. I am coping ok concentrating on Christmas for my boys. I feel my Dad is still with me. Just yesterday I heard his voice telling me I’m a survivor. Also when I giggle about something I hear him saying it’s wonderful I still have my sense of humour. Yesterday was 12 weeks since he died which felt like a milestone but I know there are years of pain ahead, and I’ll never get over losing him, but I am hoping the pain will lessen. Nothing can be more painful than the raw shock of when he first died. I hope you are doing ok. I am dreading new year as don’t want to go to a year which he didn’t live in, but I will make sure I take him with me, some way or other. x
MJ,
My dad died about 2 months ago, and I understand what you mean about feeling like you’re living in a dream. It feels like I’ve walked into another dimension; I’m observing life happening around me but at times I don’t feel like I’m part of it. I’ve got young children so on one level I’m functioning in taking care of them - and I’m sure most people wouldn’t be able to tell that I’m grieving. In the other level I feel I’m crumbling and falling apart.
I’m not sure what is the right thing to say. One moment at a time, breath and look after yourself and your children. 
Hi Molly…how are you bearing up?? Everything sounds truly heartbreaking from what you describe with your mum. You have so much to cope with…I truly hope you are able to find the strength to get through Christmas and celebrate with your kids. I’ve been trying my best, but I think I’m so emotionally drained that I’ve been knocked out with flu for days… I guess it’s one step at a time. Warm wishes xxxx
I am deeply sorry about your father. I know the pain your going through. My father passed away suddenly 2 days ago and I know it’s early days but I can’t cope. I’m 11 weeks pregnant with 2 children. I always think about the ‘what ifs and if I did this or why didn’t I do this’ he maybe could be alive now. My mind is so confused and I can’t cope. He was my hero. I just want you to know, your not alone! I’m sorry I can’t give you any advice as iv come on here for the same thing but if you need to talk, I’m here.
I tried to message before but messed it up I think? Two days is a weird time. Very surreal. I recommend counselling but not yet. After the funeral maybe. I felt rage, fear, confusion and that the rug had been pulled out from under me. 10 months on and I just feel sadness, which feels more positive and healing. I don’t think the sadness will ever go away but it is easier without the fear. I am here if you need to talk. Kind regards Emma X
Hi, I know it’s your darkest hour right now but you can stay strong for yourself.
That is how you cope x