My world has been very dark and lonely since losing my Mum suddenly from a Heart attack in Oct 2021.
She was my best friend, we had the most wonderful, loving relationship.
I have bad days and slightly better days but the pain is still very raw. Evenings are harder when you’re alone in your thoughts. Everyone around me is saying time is a healer but I can’t see that; if anything it’s got worse as the reality of never seeing my Mum in this world is setting in. I am truly heartbroken and feel so alone. I have some nice friends and family (but I feel very alone in my grief)
I feel I can’t cry in front of certain family members now too in fear of them saying ‘I need to get over it’
Truth is, I’m coming to terms that I’ll never get over the loss of my Mum, she was singlehandedly the most important person in my life. She was such a beautiful, kind and loving soul. I miss her smile, her laugh and her voice x
Life feels very cruel and unjust right now…
It’s amazing how you can be in a room full of people and still feel incredibly alone…I hope i’m not the one x
The simple fact is that you won’t get over the loss of your mum. But you will get used to life without her.
Its been 2 and a half years since I lost my mum very suddenly. My life revolved around her and the loss is so huge. I’m feeling really sad tonight but most of the time I get on ok and plod through life working, looking after my daughter etc.
I have accepted that I will never get over losing my mum. Please remember it’s very early days for you.
I was in shock for 6 months and not sure how I even functioned. Things will get better
I totally agree with you Cheryl; We will never get over our losses…And I’m ok with that; in truth I’m kind of glad I’m realising that already so I know not to fight my grief.
Sorry you’re feeling sad tonight? Anything particular bringing that on tonight?
Did you ever seek any help/support/counselling? Did you feel you needed it or not?
I’m watching a TV programme and a woman is talking about how she regrets not holding her mums hand when she was on life support. I did the same thing and it often haunts me.
I dropped my mum at hospital for an appointment. She was laughing and joking and I was expecting a call to come and collect her. Instead I got a call saying that my mum had suffered a sudden brain haemorrhage while she was at her appointment and by the time I got to hospital my mum was in a coma.
I just couldn’t bring myself to see my mum like it. Whether I was traumatised, in denial or what, I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye.
The point is, that I still have bad days 2 and a half years on but I accept that I will always be like this.
I did have counselling but I hated every second of it. In the end, I learnt to live with my grief and not fight it, as you just said.
You will get there Mark…its just a very bumpy ride
I feel totally the same, I lost my dear mum and best friend in April 2020 she had cancer for the second time which was so very cruel and it happened so quickly, I still miss so very much and i still cannot believe she isn’t hear anymore, I spoke to her everyday and to not hear her voice or laughter is so horrible.
I feel so alone I know I have got my friends and family but its nice to be able to speak to others that are going through the same grief as me.
I still look at pictures of her and I just can’t believe that she isnt here.
Yes life is so very cruel.
If ever you wish to speak on here about your mum then I’m here to listen.
x
Your post sounds v similar to how I feel Lottie, thanks for sharing…
I know what you mean about the total disbelief of the awful situation. It almost feels like a bad nightmare that I just want to wake up from!?
Friends are great but a lot of mine don’t understand…and I wouldn’t want them too…grief is the worst. The reality is every one will experience what we’re going through now…
How do you cope day to day Lottie? Has it got ‘easier’ or is that a Silly Q?
Thank you for your message. I know what you mean I still wake up and think its a nightmare and that I’m living in a dream, sometimes its a very weird feeling - not sure if you have felt like this too?
Day to day sometimes is hard as I used to speak to my mum every morning before I went to work and my sister she would speak to my sister first then me - but she loved that as she used to laugh and say its like a relay. so that has been hard, I left my current job as the work was not good and plus it so reminded me of my mum of times we used to speak of a lunchtime too - as I live 3 hours away from her it was so nice to speak with her still - she used to say at least its only 3 hours away. but its in the evening when I have my laptop and her pic pops up on it then I daydream and think I can’t believe she isnt here anymore - it is hard.
how do you cope?
I still can’t look at pictures of my mum as it’s just too painful. Like you, I just can’t believe my mum has gone. I can see people around me don’t understand as 2 and a half years have passed, but i have put all the memories, trauma away into a box in my mind and it only takes something minor (like looking at a photo) to unlock it all.
Keeping busy at work or immersing myself in a TV programme,book or even alcohol is the only way I’ve got through.
Like I said to Mark, it does get easier to live with but the pain is always there.
I’m not sure I am coping in truth Lottie, it’s bloody tough and I really feel very dark at the moment, but i’m sure you totally get this. I hope you’re having slightly easier and lighter days but those raw moments are still ever present arent they? Do u have good support/friends/family around you?
I do know what you mean I get days like I just want to be with my mum where she is, I know that I wouldn’t do it by committing suicide I think about it but then it goes again.
Yes I do get slightly easier days like yourself but I feel that 2 years is still very raw. Yes I have got good support from my friends and family - do you?
I lost my mum before Christmas. Its hit me harder now after the funeral. Often at the moment I feel like I’m watching someone else’s life. Like you I don’t think I ever get over losing my mum just getting through a day is hard enough.
I’m sorry to hear the loss of your mum also, it did hit me hard after my mums funeral too. Even though its been 2 years since losing my mum it still feels like its yesterday.
I used to dream loads about my mum after her funeral but I don’t dream of her anymore which i find that really hard as I just want to see her again.
I’m not sure how you feel after losing your mum but whenever I go to sleep I cannot get to sleep as I think of her and I often think she is watching me.
I do feel for you it is hard.
If you want to talk again about your mum also - I’m here if you want to talk.
I have a lovely family who are all supportive but I still can’t help feel very alone in my grief…does that make sense? What helps you get through the day? Are there any particularly difficult times you find harder (i.e. xmas, birthday, evenings, weekends etc?)
Hi Mark
Yes I know what you mean even though I have got my sister and family I still can’t help feeling alone in my grief also.
Yes I do find that Xmas, birthday, anniversaries are very hard. Weekends I’m not too bad as I try and do stuff to keep my mind occupied but it is hard as some weekends when I was living near her we would meet to go around the shops which we loved to do but when I visit my hometown I can’t seem to go to the shops there cause its very hard and whenever I go to bed I cannot get off to sleep as I lay awake thinking of my mum, thinking where is she and is she watching me? do you feel like this?
This totally makes sense Lottie…sleeping is all over the place…I’m still very much at a place where my Mum is the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. I think in truth I still can’t quite believe my Mum has gone…I mean, I know she has…but it’s so hard to compute. It just feels like a nightmare
Yes I totally feel the same, my mum is on my mind constantly during the day and at night and I can’t believe she isn’t here anymore and that this April will be 2years, I feel like I’m living in a dream.
I so wish you could turn back time and that I could speak to my dear mum once more she was such a gentle, kind, loving mum and to be able to touch her hand again. And I wish I could see and speak with my dad also.
Life is cruel Lottie, I too wish I could see my Mum one last time…although she knew how much I loved her, I would say it to her daily. I’m sure all Mum’s and Dad’s know that we love them right?! I’m having a couple bad days (no particular rhyme or reason) How have you been feeling recently Lottie?
Yes I’m the same as you, my mum knew how much I loved her as I used to say it everyday on my texts and also whenever I said goodbye to her.
I just wished I could have said goodbye for the last time, as it was going into lockdown and to think she passed away alone is unbearable, the heartbreaking thing is I think she knew it was soon as she kept saying it but we all thought it was the drugs and that she was getting confused.
Was you able to be with your mum?
I have been feeling down lately too as this time 2 years ago, I travelled down to see my mum in hospital which I went to be with her everyday I will never forget seeing her on Valentines Day as my Stepfather gave her a red rose and she loved that it made her smile , I did take a picture of her and oh my she looked so thin (she was a petite lady anyway) but to lose a lot of weight was so cruel.
This morning I was looking through my recipe books and I came across one that had a piece of paper my mum wrote down this recipe for me that was in one of her recipe books and I looked at it and of course I broke down and shed a few tears cause at the end she said Love you Mum and that hit me again, I just still get up and down days. And whenever I turn on my laptop I see pictures of her, its still so hard.
How are you doing now?