I’m sorry to hear you’ve had some bad days recently Lottie…I know where your coming from there…I thought I was doing slightly ‘better’ only to feel I’ve gone back to square one again. It’s so hard isn’t it? Grief can hit at any point and you can’t help it when it comes…I find it totally paralysing.
I was with my Mum in the hospital when she passed but in truth, I think she passed at home before if that makes sense.
It must give you some comfort your Mum knew how much you loved her?
It certainly give me some peace. How lucky are we to have had such a wonderful relationship with our Mums. Not everyone is as fortunate to have that; And I will forever cherish that.
Are you working currently Lottie? What keeps you ‘busy’ and occupied during the day?
Mark
Yes it is hard at times, sometimes I’m ok then it hits me, the other day I bought some daffodils which she loved which I have near her picture of her and I text my sister to say we both can’t believe she isn’t here anymore.
There is so many horrible memories when I saw her in hospital which is hard still and I will never forget, cause as she got diagnosed with Lymphoma she had a 4hr operation which removed the tumour but she was left with a stoma bag which she hated and in hospital she used to scream when they changed it and when they used to give her injections - oh my it was so very cruel.
That was nice you were with your mum before she passed.
I’m working I was working part time but unfortunately I had to leave that job as the boss was horrible but I’m now in a full time job but unfortunately its not working out.
At the weekend I have been sewing doing little projects as I inherited my mums sewing machines as she was a seamstress, I have never done sewing and im loving it, I just wish that when my mum was alive she would of shown me abit more,
What do you do, do you work? and what keep you occupied during the day?
Lottie
Awww to hear this Lottie; it sounds very sad what your Mum went through x
I wish there were words to heal and make it better
Sounds like you’re keeping as busy as possible and lovely you’ve found some interest in sewing machines! I bet you’re Mum will be smiling with pride right now x
I work full time which keeps me busy ish during the week (although motivation and focus is difficult at the best of times) Weekends and evenings are tougher for me…I try and keep busy by seeing my grandparants and going for runs too which help clear my mind…but it’s always tricky isn’t it. Even on my ‘better’ days I’m always on the edge…but i’m sure you can empathise
Mark
Hi Mark.I am so sorry for your loss.I know how tough the first year can be.My experience is time doesn’t heal but it does help which I didn’t start to see till at least 9 months after.I was absolutely devastated when I lost my mum last year.I knew she could be very Ill but for her to die it was such a shock.I still have dark days.Grief isn’t just emotional it’s physical As well.Your heart feels like it’s broken into a million pieces and the only person who can fix it for me is my mum.I hope you find ways to cope.This community is amazing they just understand exactly how you feel.I wouldn’t have gotten through last year without it.Have you tried grief counselling It might help.Take care x
Thank you for the supportive words Starheart.
You’re right, this place has shown me there are some supportive and kind people who are in a similar position as me. I’m sorry to hear of your loss too Star, there are simply no words are there? It doesn’t feel real does it?
I am going to group sessions via Cruse once a week where I can talk to people going through a similar position. It’s nice and supportive which I think is helping me. I think it’s important to share and be open about your grief…there’s no benefit in keeping it in. I actually think that can do more harm than good.
Have you had good support around you?
Mark
I can totally get what you are saying. My mom is my everything. She is my lifeline. She passed away suddenly unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. Everyone is asking me to be strong and get over it but how can I?? I don’t even have will to live anymore. I can’t live without her. She is my everything. We talked a lot everyday. What am I going to do now.
Sorry for your loss. How are you feeling now? I know you feel the same way. Please let me know if anything you did that helped. I have no interest in this life anymore
Hi, thank you for your thoughts and message
I understand your pain, it’s like a nightmare that i just want to wake up from…it doesn’t feel real sometimes does it?
4 months on and i’m still struggling, my Mum is always on my mind…first thing in the morning and last thing at night…I can’t say much is helping me right now…i run almost every day which clears my head. I think the fresh air helps in truth.
I understand your lack of desire of not being here any more too…i feel that way as well; it’s like a light has been turned off and i’m left here alone in the dark. I just want to be with my Mum x
Thank you.The worst thing you can do is to hold your grief in.It just comes out in other ways and eventually you just explode.It has been very hard for me to get grief support.I do have a support system but I wish it was bigger.My mum had two sisters and I haven’t spoken to them since the funeral last February.Loss doesn’t always bring people closer together.I hope the support you are getting helps.
Yeah I could write a book about my mums life unfortunately she had a stressful life, she nursed my dad for 5years then met this guy but unfortunately had a violent relationship on and off (which some things I will never forget) then she got diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 but even though she was with a horrible relationship she got through it, she finally split up with him in 2016 but then her dear sister passed away which she was really close with but it was hard to see her as she lived in America, she tried to go and see her but she was too late then she met this other guy and got married in 2018 she was so very happy but then she got diagnosed with lymphoma in 2019. Life is so very cruel.
Yes I feel blessed I have got her sewing machines and I feel that she is with me when I’m trying to sew.
After she passed my dreams of her seemed so real, have you dreamed of your mum too?
thats good you see your grandparents and that you go for runs too, but yes I do empathise that even on better days you are always on the edge. I think of my mum everyday morning and night and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.
Sorry to hear it’s not getting easier…I can emphasise here too…It’s all very difficult. Every day seems a chore x
I haven’t dreamt of my Mum yet, no…but I’m sure that will come in time…I don’t know how I will feel when that happens?
How did you feel?
How was your weekend Lottie?
Mark
I know when I did dream of my mum when I woke up I thought is it really a dream or just a nightmare I had to really think about it and when I realised it really did happen then I felt sad.
My weekend wasn’t too bad, I didn’t go out cause of the bad weather, just did some sewing but on Sunday I kept thinking of my mum as we used to speak on a Sunday morning just after she listened to BBC 2 Love Songs which she loved to listen to with her new husband, I will never forget just before her wedding day I got Steve Wright to announce their wedding on his show and she loved that - god how I miss her.
How was your weekend?
How lovely Steve Wright announced their wedding on his show.
My weekend was ‘quite’ busy actually…chores, seeing nan and grandad, a little bit of running and hiding from the storm.
Still tough nonetheless but I’m sure you understand
how are you coping Mark?
Lately I keep thinking of my mum as on the 19th March it was her birthday then it was Mothers day and on 25th April it will be 2years since I lost her, so lately I have been feeling abit down, Im even having trouble getting to sleep as she is on my mind.
Hello Lottie
Sorry for your deep sadness. It’s such and awful thing. I lost my mum Christmas just gone 2021. I’m still in pieces and alone now as I never married and am an only child. My dad died 15 years ago and mum and I lived together too. We were joined at the hip and like you, when I was at work, we used to call and text each other through the day. I’m very interested in what you say about leaving your job and how the pain of it reminding you of your mum was the deciding factor. I’ve just done the same. I couldn’t carry on with it plus I’ve two little dogs who had never been left alone. I’ve now an additional worry, causes by my own action I know as now I need to find something to earn and income but it just couldn’t be the same job as when mum was alive. My job was incredibly stressful too and mum listened to all that but now, no mum to chat things through with. I wonder if other people have to same thoughts on work after loosing a close loved one? Bless you Lottie and thanks for sharing as I thought it was just me being odd. I’ve deep recreates about leaving now but I felt I just couldn’t keep going.
I feel like I want to give up everything and move somewhere else and start again. Everywhere I go reminds me. I’ve not gone back to work yet as I can’t face it but used to chat to my mum while I was in work too. She’d send me silly photos of herself to make me smile. Or just a message asking if I’m ok. We didn’t live together as I have 2 children (husband left) but we spoke alot and FaceTimed each day. Used to talk about everything. Now I feel like I have no one.
How are you lottie?
How did you get through Easter?
Hi
Thanks for your message, well I struggled on Monday 25th April as thats when I lost my mum - I can’t believe its now 2 years.
The day before I did shed some tears and on the day 25th, I went to this peaceful canal near where I live, it was lovely and peaceful to remember my mum, i would of gone to where her ashes are but thats about 3 hours from me but I will go there next time. I bought some lovely roses and that was her favourite flowers but I so so miss her still.
My Easter was quiet, I would of gone to see my mum that long weekend if she was here, I’m just finding it really hard lately.
How are you getting on?
I’m sorry it’s been a tough few days/weeks…I think milestones are always harder as we are reminded they are not with us. I understand this recently as well. There’s no real words of comfort but please remember you’re not alone Lottie.
I miss my Mum too…I don’t think that ever goes? I’m sure it will be with me for the rest of my days…
Who ever said time is a healer? I’m not sure about that myself
Hi💗
I’m so sorry for your loss, yes you must never feel like you can’t grieve in front of people. I know what you mean though. I have a friend who I get certain vibes from, although she hasn’t said anything, but I just think that’s what she thinks. She still has both parents
It’s been just over 18 months since losing my mum.
I feel guilty that I’m not breaking down as much as when she first passed away. The other night though my deep was grief, (it seems to be in short sharp bursts these days, so deep though, but incredibly brief) thing is, I can only seem to remember her poorly. We lost her to cancer. I try and close my eyes and remember all the happy times and memories, but I can only remember the days and months of the horror we lived through at hospital etc.
Does anyone know if this will go away in time?
My daughter (14) fell ill with depression 6 months after she died. I had to put my grief aside to help her through. I am now very aware of not crying in front of her if I can help it.
Also my husband sees me break down and he still asks me ‘what’s wrong’ I want to scream and shout what the hell do you think is wrong. You are so right grief is a lonely thing.
I get it Cheryl … sounds like my situation exactly