Jan17 sending you hugs. Its been 3months since my gorgeous fantastic wife sue passed away on 1st February this year. This group has been absolutely fantastic in the way we all interact with each other xx
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Hello Tim
Thanks for a such a nice post. I am further along this road and no longer go to groups and have got rid of all the books I obtained. I have interests and hobbies and continued with the things that my husband and I shared. I have even adapted to living alone and quite like it. The groups however were a big help for the first year and made me communicate with people which I found hard at first although I am not usually like this. I did find that I grew out of the groups and the reading of books as I didnât want to be surrounded by grief all the time. If that makes any sense. It didnât mean I was forgetting my husband it just means that I was adapting and I kept him as a big part of my life and still do.
I also started to think about what I had and not what I had lost. I had a nice paid for home, interests and although some family members have forgotten I exist I am happy enough to forget about them now. I was told very early on that I would sink or swim and I chose to swim.
I agree there are people who do need that extra guidance and support and they should be able to have it I did try counselling but because I wasnât crying all the time (I donât like doing it in front of people) I was told I didnât need it. They never saw the tears on my way home. I donât think counselling was for me but it is a lifeline for many others.
I can also sympathise with your âbattle field traumaâ I nursed and watched my husband die a terrible painful death. I was also alone with him at the time.
Pat
xx
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@Pattidot
I stopped interacting on here but still occasionally read posts and this one of yours caught my eyeâŚyou have totally captured my thoughts and I am only 13 weeks in to this journey.
I just wanted to let you know I admire your strength, inspiration, positivity and help you give to others on their journeys. You have been posting on here a long time and thatâs a credit to your strength of character. You are a true warrior and a courageous lady who never complains but acknowledges the blessings in life. I personally thank you for leading the way on grief. My dear father always said to me to count my blessings in life and focus on those
Lyn
X
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Hi lyn.have,nt been on much as had a rough few days and bike club rally last weekend. Came home Sunday and thought I canât wait to see and tell sue what we did and how much raised and then it hit me when i walked through the door and sue wasnât there.depression has hit an all time low but this group has and will continue to be a biiiiig help to me especially now x
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You have clearly had a wonderful marriage that extends right back to your child hood and clearly you were an excellent match and to be married for more then 50 years is in its self an achievement, I know you are going through dark days and loneliness can compound your loss and grief at this time, keep your friends close and take matters a day at a time, look after your self and do not make any major changes just yet, what has happened to you is life changing and is something we are all going through on this site so reach out if you need help,my mother passed in January and I am still getting used to being alone in the house, my mother being the last survivor of my family apart for myself after the death of my twin brother in September 2021, she died in my arms gasping for breath after a long battle with dementie, we were alone in the house and I was found in my sleeping bag, I just wanted to die so I have an idea what you are feeling, you are still relatively young and may have a lot of years ahead off you and one day you may love again, in the words of the late queen mother grief is the price we pay for love, may God be your guide and support during this time, one day the sun will once more shine upon you,it is a time for courage and a time for faith, be brave, hang in there, reach out to others if you need help.
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Hi Pattidot, you are an inspiration to the rest of us, clearly you are a survivor who is making a success of your new life and fully moving on, and yes, sometimes it is a relief NOT to have to always worry and contend with a sick relative(who ever that may be) and people were telling me at the monthly luncheon club yesterday that I have joined how well I looked, in my own case my health has improved since the passing of my mother as I no longer have the daily struggle of looking after her(being a carer for a close relative is recognised as one of the hardest jobs you can do and it was tacking a tole on my health) and I too am moving on with my life, onward and upward!, your husband would be proud of you. KBO
Tim
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Hi there @Sarlyn
Thankyou so much for your kind words. There are still a few of us that have tried to stay with the forum so that we might be able to give those newly bereaved the strength to know that we can find a way through the fog. I was told my a member in my early days that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and we have to keep looking for it.
I think I have always been a stubborn person (much to my mothers annoyance) and didnât want to be locked in the world of grief continually. However like everyone else I have cried, screamed, thrown things and gone through that terrible depression that hits us (and still do from time to time).
I have walked away from the forum when I felt I had nothing to offer or it was depressing me knowing how many people was out there hurting so bad. But some of us do come back again. I agree with your father but it is hard. I now lead a much quieter life but I am satisfied with it.
Pat
xx
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Hi there Tim
Your quite correct being a carer for someone is very hard indeed but I donât think we would begrudge them on minute of the time we spent trying to care for them as well as we could. It certainly does take it out of you and I didn;t realise just how much and it took a long time for me to pick myself up again so I am pleased your health has improved and you are managing to forge ahead with your life.
I think that when I was at my worst my husband would have wondered what all the fuss was about as he was a very laid back man.
Take care of yourself
Pat
xx
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Thankyou for your kind wishes Pat, we are both survivors and moving on with our lives, a positive attitude is a must and know that the constant stress of being a 24 hour 7 day a week 365 days a year as a carer has passed we can both move once more into the light and regain are health, thought of taking up power lifting and para gliding this summer?, why ever not?.
KBO and good luck.
tim
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Thanks Kate, is there one near Grange-over-sands?.