I do not want to carry on anymore

@Jan17 thank you and yes such a shock. My poor son who is 22 was the one who phone me to tell me that dad my husband had collapsed. I miss him by 5 minutes and was home before the ambulance arrived. Hopefully you will find support soon xx

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I am so sorry everyone has had such a bad experience with cruise, to tell people to wait three months when they need support NOW is outrages and deplorable and if so they are no longer worth there carrot, what we need is a system across the country ware recently bereaved people can meet socially
as a group and that would be particularly good for people left on there own as isolation after a death is a large factor in the likely prognoses of a bereaved person, particularly older people, such groups should be run by the bereaved for the bereaved on a voluntary basis, even if its only a room ware people can meet once a week for a coffee and a chat(the less formal and the less strings from official interference the better but organisations like age uk may be helpful and may be worth talking to with a view to setting up a charity to help with this) any one with any ideas please feel free to comment, we need to do more to help ourselves and each other.

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Hi @tim007

It may be helpful to know that Sue Ryder has recently started our Grief Kind Spaces which are weekly, in-person drop-in sessions held in the local community and run by trained volunteers. The sessions provide a safe, informal and supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences of grief, helping attendees to feel heard and less alone.

The sessions are welcoming, inclusive and open to anyone who is over 18 and has experienced a bereavement, whether you want to attend regularly to connect with others in similar situations or just drop in for a quick chat.

You can find out more information and the locations on our website: Grief Kind Spaces | Sue Ryder

We are aiming to open many more in the coming months, but we have seven open at the moment.

We also offer a range of online bereavement support alongside this community and you can find out more on our website: Online Bereavement Support | Sue Ryder

Take good care,

Kate

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Thank you for flagging these new spaces. In the absence of good support from Cruise (which were also terrible in my experience) it’s good to see there are alternatives coming on stream.

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I rang them just after my husband suddenly passed away and they told me to ring after 3 months i was not impressed with the attitude of the lady on the phone i wont be bothering with them again .im so pleased i joined this site as its really helped me chatting with others in the same situation

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I can sympathise with you on cruse .my gorgeous fantastic wife sue has been passed away 3 months and I rang cruse and got a lot of waffle and was told it has to be 3months and when i said its been 3months I just got more rubbish spouted i just ended the call

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@Martyn2 that is terrible I do wonder how much funding they get from the government and us tax payers. X

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I got on to Cruse after 3 months and was put on the waiting list which was 18-20 weeks, that was the end of jan. Ive since found a local organisation through occy health and thats been really good,

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If any of you work please go through occ health , I’m a nurse in occ health , therefore they are paying for me for 6 sessions privately as I don’t wish to speak to my team who I might meet at meetings etc . All occ health will have well being attached ( or should have ) . It’s helping me , I cry when I’m there but I’m talking to a professional who puts things in perspective and helps you see why it’s so bloody hard this grief thing .

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How do I get in contact with occ health?

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Ask your manager to refer you or self refer ask company for tel no or email x they will support you x

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I am not working so I suppose I have to look for a different route to get help. I am not asking for any help from my local surgery because they are useless. They cannot even sort out my husband’s health files which I need for the travel insurance to claim. Sending love and hugs.

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Retired due to ill health now .diabetic on insulin and heart disease plus other medical problems and a right below knee amputee since December 2019.

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@Annaessex
Have you tried to get counselling that Sue Ryder on here offers? x

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The face-to-face groups are too far for me and I don’t have access to camera or video calls. My laptop is very old. My husband was the computer guy in our house.

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I am sorry Narna, its very hard, I know, it is less then 5 months since I lost my mother(she died a horrible death in my arms gasping for breath at the end of her dementie on the evening of the 5th of January, we were alone in the house) not surprising I have battle field trauma, only you know how you feel and the support of fellow sufferers is a valuable thing to have, let me recommend a book, ‘You are not alone’ by Cariad lloyd(she became the creator and host of Griefcast) Cariad lost her father to cancer when she was 15 and it affected her very profoundly, I heard of the book very shortly after my mother passed and I can recommend it, as a 14 year old I watched my grand mother die from cancer, I have seen and been through things that no 14 year old ever should, but that’s life, the book is available through libraries or via Amazon, it wont bring your husband back, but it will help, I hope you find a happy place, when you are ready join any club near by that suits you, (I joined the church and local balling club) good luck

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Hi Tim
A good idea and I agree and I was fortunate enough to find a grief group at the local hospice with drinks and cake afterwards which I attended once a month. There was also the Grief Cafe’s meetings which are pretty widesperead all over the country and run by volunteers, Then some of us formed another group where we met up once a week. We move through different stages of grief though and there may come a time when we don’t need these meetings any longer but they are useful in the early days. Cruse Locally was also very good and supportive. But terrible that people are being turned away when at their most vulnerable.
P xxx

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Hi Pattidot,good evening.
It is appalling that cruise are turning people away in the early days when they most need the help that can make the difference for some between surviving and not surviving given that when elderly people are suddenly isolated they can go down hill very quickly, particularly so in winter when most deaths occur, it is like saying ‘sorry you are having a heart attack, if you are still ill in three months time we will send an ambulance’ such a policy is as useless as it is absurd, but there is evidence that after around 3 to 6 months most people are moving on with there lives but it is terrible for those who are not who may also be facing homelessness and poverty and more likely to be effected by bad mental and physical health ( I would love to see certain cabinet ministers survive on job seekers allowance for 6 months, half of them don’t know the price of milk) I have a healthy distrust of authority who ALWAYS have there own agenda and are not to be trusted, I am glad you have been able to join a grief group, its good for your health as well as making you feel better, we must all be thankful for what we have had, you have loved and been loved, and may be when you are ready you may be in love again, from what you say you are clearly a survivor and moving on with your life, and that is for the best, may God be with you and guide you, thankyou for your comment

Tim

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I am so so sorry for your loss i am only 6 says into the loss of my beloved hubby i am 66 and he had just turned 72 been together for 50 yrs i am completely devastated and heart broken i look up at the night sky and ask god to give me strength the lonliness around the home is unbearable i can’t tell what the future holds but i will miss him every second of every day until my time to be united with him comes ,but please know you are not alone sending hugs and prayers to you :pray::heavy_heart_exclamation:

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@Joy72 such early days for you. Try to take some comfort from this site. It has helped me a lot. It is 9 weeks today since I lost my husband. It’s a difficult journey we are on. Sending hugs

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