I don’t want to feel this way

I feel so lonely although I have friends and family to turn to, my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep 2 weeks after his 49th birthday. I have, a just turned 13 year old and some days everything is fine and I feel as though I can do this and other days I can’t even talk without tears rolling down. I’m tired, I want the impossible, I want things to go back to how they were but I know they never will. I don’t want to burden people with my grief.

3 Likes

That’s heartbreaking. I’ve lost my wife 3 months ago. She was just 50. I had emotions like roller coaster all the time. And I still find it hard to believe my soulmate of 32 years was gone forever. I really want to turn back the clock. I want to return to our joyful lives together. No matter what it’s not going to happen…
If you do have someone you trust, who won’t judge you and would listen and cry with you, do ask for help. You are traumatized and you need someone to support you. If you don’t, at least you can come here to vent your feeling. People here all understand how you feel. Knowing that you’re not alone would make this grieving process less unbearable.
sending hugs…

3 Likes

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this as well. My husband died suddenly at the age of 50 - we are still waiting to hear why. My children are a bit older than yours but my son was with me when we found him in an ambulance and it was too late. I just want the impossible - to have him back. He would not have wanted to cause his kids so much pain and his mother has now become poorly and shut down into her own world (which I can’t blame her for).
Each day is so long and hard, isn’t it? I can’t see any point in getting up each day (other than my children although they don’t need ‘looking after’). We had so many plans for the future that neither of us can now enjoy. The thing I miss the most though is just the companionship, the chats, the hugs, the just being there. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.

4 Likes

Thank you for your message, me and my soul mate were married for 21 years. I was 42 and he was 49 when I lost him in October. I feel angry that we had so many plans and no I feel as though I’m just getting by day to day. Yes I have friends and family but it’s so difficult as I don’t want to burden them but also I don’t want them to think I can’t cope.

1 Like

Thanks for your message, and this is hard isn’t it. Those hugs, the company. We did everything together. The evenings can be so lonely when my daughter is upstairs doing homework, chatting/gaming with her friends and I’m downstairs remembering of all our moments together.

2 Likes

All you can do at the moment is get through hour by hour or day by day. I have found that some of my friends and family have been brilliant. I have told it like it is - I don’t mind whether they think I can cope or not, they need to know the reality. When there is a gaping hole where your life used to be you need all the help you can get. I found the website refugeingrief.com useful. It’s written by someone who lost her partner suddenly so she understands the trauma.

2 Likes

Hi
I’m sorry for your loss
I feel the same as you we had lots of plans all our kids are grown up and settled
We have a grandson
Ian retired from work 3 years ago he worked all he’s life
This time was for us now
I’m heartbroken
Marie xx

1 Like

I am so sorry for you loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are suffering whilst still trying to support your young daughter.

I do understand sudden loss. My husband died in an accident in September aged 60. Like you I just want the impossible, I need and want my husband to come home to me so that we can have the retirement we had promised each other and planned over the years.

The emotions are like a rollercoaster and I just need it to stop and let me get off so that I can return to my former life. I am keeping myself in my own little world now as I also do not want to burden people. There are a good few friends who continue to be supportive but they each have their partners and cannot really appreciate the pain that grief brings and the enormous amount of sorrow suffered on a daily basis.

People on this site though regrettably do understand so please keep posting. People are here for you.

Thinking of you and your daughter. Take care.

1 Like

The reality is that we all feel the same: lonely, overwhelmed, sad etc etc
The problem with death is how so final it is !! There is nothing I can do to bring Jack back
Yes, one or a couple friends may be willing to listen, this forum helps because you can say whatever you want without been judged
I also found that books helped me. After Jack died I find difficult to concentrate and read , so I use audiobooks - for me they are great, I can listen to them while walking or doing other stuff, also it helps me to feel I have company because there is that voice talking to me
Gary Roe has a series of books very helpful,
Megan Divine - “It is ok you are not ok”
And many others I find these books make me cry because they reflect so well how I feel but crying is not bad
Sending you love
Sadie xx

3 Likes

Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel so worn out today. Mentally drained. Wasn’t a good day yesterday. And had a rubbish sleep. How do you ask for help when you actually don’t know what you want. Had to put on a happy smile by 4 as I don’t want to upset my daughter as she’s going through exams at the moment at school so don’t want anything to affect that for her. It’s coming up to 8 months since I lost my soul mate but the pain I felt yesterday was so intense I just didn’t know how to deal with it. It’s hard,

1 Like

I understand - all we can do is to put a foot in front of the other
Sadie

2 Likes

Hi Sadie, I’m so sorry for your loss. I too can’t concentrate on anything at all. My friends are wonderful but they all have their husbands or partners and they can’t possibly understand although they try to. Thanks for the advice on the audiobooks though, I hadn’t thought of that, so I’m going to try it. :+1:

1 Like

Life71

I can relate my husband passed away at just 49 I have a 15 year old and an 18 year old, he had never been ill in his life an in Dec 2019 had a cough when to hospital as it got worse and found out new years eve 2019 that he had lung cancer that has spread to bones and nodes he fought it for 7 months, which was so hard for use as we where just watching him die. It’s been 10 and a half months both my girls have had there birthdays without there dad, it so hard it brakes my heart. I have lots of friends and family, but I don’t have my best friend, my soul mate, we had been together for 22 years and married 13 years some days I just don’t want to go on. XXX

2 Likes

It’s horrible isn’t it - coping with the worst pain ever and then watching your kids suffer too. I don’t see how I can ever enjoy things again. All my enjoyment came from being with him, looking forward to coming home to him, planning future things with him. Without that, what have I got to look forward to for me? Even the things I would look forward to with my kids, I can’t- birthdays, graduations etc. my heart just hurts because he’s not there. Sending hugs

3 Likes

My purpose of life have been to make my wife and my daughter happy over the years. All the endeavors, toils and sweats are worthwhile if that can ensure a better lives for them. All my planning are for our family. Leading a simple life was all we look forward to. Suddenly, dreams were shattered. There is no longer a future for me. I couldn’t ease my soulmate’s sufferings. I watched my daughter grieving from the bitterest thing of all (which we tried our best to protect her from over the years). I myself experience the most painful loss in my life. All we have been longing is gone with her departure.
I woke up this morning feeling so hopeless. Sorry those are not words of encouragement.
Hope you feel better today…

1 Like

It is comforting reading your words, but at the moment I just can’t snap out of the head space that I’m in, it’s been 8 months and the last 2 days have been so tough, endless tears, which I’ve had to control and put a front on for my daughter when she returns home from school. Trying to reach out for support from strangers (counselling services) as this time I don’t think I can do it on my own, but it does nothing. GP’s suggest crisis team as they don’t have appointments. I got to a point where I thought maybe I am going crazy. I don’t want to burden friends and family with my problems, they have their own stuff to deal with. So then your on your own again. After a long walk yesterday I reached out to a friend, I’m so glad I did for my own sanity. They assured me that I’m not crazy, I’m just grieving but yes just at the moment I could do with a little support, I have always been strong so for me to put my hands up and say I need the help is hard. So after another sleepless night I will get up and try and call the GP at 8, although a very big part of me is saying don’t do it, what’s the point, but I told my friend I would so I will. And then I’m going to meet up with my friend in the afternoon and again a big part of me is saying cancel it, I’m sure they have other stuff going on and don’t want to deal with your crap, their just being polite! It’s hard, it’s so hard. I wish I could just lock the door and not have to face anyone or deal with anything. My tears roll again, because again I’m on my own and free and no one is watching or judging and I don’t have to be strong just for me.

It’s good that you reached out to your friend and I hope you get some comfort in meeting up with them tomorrow.
It’s such an effort to do anything and I find myself feeling guilty for feeling the way I do and end up spending most of my time apologising, but then , why should I ? This is the worst experience and it’s a very lonely place to be .
I hope you have a better day tomorrow x

I understand. Nevertheless it’s me who lost my love one. My troubles are just tedious for others. And it’s hard to swallow my pride to ask for help. I think it all depends on the severity of problem. If it’s too bad perhaps it’s ok to ask .

And this is it, you do apologise because you feel guilty! I feel guilty because I have never been that person and now I am and I don’t want to be, and that’s what so hard to deal with

And this is how I feel also, in my head I’m thinking of what people may think of me, I’m lost at the moment and am hoping maybe with that little support that just maybe I can just get back to at least getting by because at the moment I feel as though I’m sinking and I feel drained and I just can’t do this

Back to top