I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m so lost and empty and heartbroken. I don’t know who I am without you. I’m falling apart and I’m so depressed and sick of existing. I have done 14months but it’s getting worse everyday. I’m trying so hard for you and our animals babe. But I’m failing I’m not good enough for them or anything. I just want it to be over. But I can’t do that to them or you. But I don’t want this life. So I’m trapped in this living hell of pain that doesn’t let up and the sadness that never stops. I love you so very much. I’m so sorry I’m failing. I feel so worthless.
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l fill your pain is only been 7 weeks for me all l do is sit indoor waiting for my turn to go
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Hello Casey . Please don’t feel worthless , you are strong to be here after 14 months . Are you taking antidepressants ? I am and they do take the edge off it . Please try and keep going and private message me anytime . Take care.
Love Angie xx
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I really understand that feeling. The feeling you just want to close your eyes and go, not necessarily do something. It is a dark and scary feeling, I had it this afternoon. Right now I am looking at one of our cats and thinking this little innocent face knows nothing more than love for me.
Please do reach out for help - have you considered phoning the Samaritans? I was given a number for our local mental health line, (24/7). i went to ring it once and stopped myself - I mean what could they do or say? I then rang again and stayed on the line. Someone just talked to me and listened to me cry. I just needed someone to witness and respect my sadness.
I’d also recommend talking to your doctor. And keep posting here - we get it. You are right, it’s utter shit but you are not worthless - she wouldn’t have chosen you and loved you so much if you were would she?!
Sending gentle hugs
Beki x
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Dear Casey,
Whenever I read your posts I think that you sound like such a kind, warm and compassionate woman. The way in which you describe Pauline sounds like she was the same.
All I can say is that when I read of your sadness and pain that I just want to give you a warm hug and say please try and be kind to yourself. You are so not worthless.
I send you all my good wishes and thoughts x
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Casey
Its so hard waking up with the pain day jn and day out, we all understand how you feel and am so sorry you are struggling, its 17 months since my Marti died and I seem to say to him, right I’ve had enough of this, your coming back, then the realisation that this will never be releases a whole load of tears. Please don’t say your worthless, you was loved by Pauline for a long-time and she would be so upset to see you struggling.
I’ve called the samaritans many times and cried my eyes out to them.
You can re-refer yourself for counselling, maybe speak to your GP again, don’t be afraid to keep asking them. Are there any online bereavement support groups where you attend zoom sessions and speak face to face.
There are so many people on here who are in utter despair and yearning for their loved one, so I don’t feel so alone.
Please take care Casey, I often think of you. PM me anytime.
Any xx
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Dear Casey. You are not worthless you have been strong and looked after your fur babies from your posts i can feel the love you have for Pauline she wouldn’t want you to be sad and I understand the longing and loneliness you feel its over 2 yrs now since I lost Peter and think of him every day. I wish I lived near you and could give you a hug and help. There is a Self Referral The Healthy Mind Service its a free NHS PsychologicalTherapies service i was given this by my son when I was really down i don’t know if it would be of help to you. Feel free to message me or private on here i am about most days although I don’t post a lot. Love and Hugs to you we care about you. X
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Hi @Casey1 I have just joined this community and I’m overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who are struggling with the loss of a loved one as well. My dad who was my whole world left me tragically this year a few months ago on my birthday and I’ve been bottling depression and pain like I can’t explain since. I been raised as a man to keep it all in and not to show vulnerability and I’ve tried but yesterday even I knew to seek help else I feared the worst. I just wanted to go where he was and I didn’t cared how I did it. Just wanna hug my old man again and never let him go. I couldn’t speak on the phone to anyone so I found this community on Google and I’m finding so much comfort from the kind words and empathy on here. We are in a similar place but it’s amazing what talking to others who share your pain can do. For what it’s worth, please keep talking and allow for others to also talk back to you. It’s a journey but we will all get through together. Someone somewhere needs you to keep going. Please keep going …
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Dear Casey
You certainly are not worthless. But I completely understand what your saying I wish every day that I won’t wake up I don’t want to be here without my darling anymore. It’s also been 14 months since he suddenly left this world . I just want to be with him wherever he is it was supposed to be forever.
Take care Casey hugs to you xx
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@BOBBY2 dear Bobby I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so early days for you and so raw. Wow 47 years. Take one day at a time and reach out on here you will find support. My thoughts are with you . Take care x
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@Angie4 dear angie thank you. No I’m not taking anti depressants. There are a lot of meds that I’m supposed to take for various things but I don’t take them as I won’t take anything that will prolong my life. Take care love and hugs xxx
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@Beki dear beki thank you. I am so very sorry for your loss. My partner also died of cardiac arrest and was sudden and unexpected she was only 52. I have called the samaritans before. No she wouldn’t have . You are right. She loved me despite all my flaws. She kept me grounded and gave me a reason to live. Thanks for the hugs take care love and hugs xxx
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@Ellen3 dear Ellen thank you. Pauline was definitely the same so kind caring and comsiderate warm and compassionate . I know it probably sounds weird but I don’t know how to be kind to myself. But I will keep trying. Thank you take care love and hugs xxx
Hello Casey
You are in the right place here for people who understand exactly how you feel. We all get it, sadly.
I’m a little further in than you. Some days I cope better than others, some days it’s hour by hour. I do know that time is not diminishing my grief but it is changing. I carry it differently somehow. I have regular therapy sessions and I take antidepressants- something I could never have imagined myself doing a couple of years ago, before my world fell apart.
Don’t give up on yourself, love the things your partner loved, do something for them as often as you can, speak their name as often as you can bear. Ask for help, and keep posting here, we get it!
Sending love x
@Amylost dear Amy thank you. It is so hard everyday and so many times I have asked her to come and get me. Also told her I want her back but I know I can’t and that destroys me everyday. She would be upset. She would want me to be happy but I can’t without her. I don’t know if there are any bereavement groups I will have to check it out. Take care love and hugs xxx
@Casey1…it doesn’t sound weird at all Casey. You are doing your best and that’s all that matters. Take care X
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You’re welcome. Today has been a day I have needed to take my own medicine having the same feelings of just wanting to close my eyes and go or for someone to put me out my misery. The bleak part is so damn scary and I think we all know deep in our minds and hearts it is not the answer or what Our loved ones would want but by God it is a noisy monster to fight at times
I hope today is being gentler to you
Beki xx
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@Jen153 dear jen thank you . You are right she wouldn’t want me to be sad. She once told me if she went first she would want me to be happy even if that meant moving on with someone else as I told her then I don’t want anyone else and I still don’t. She holds my heart and soul and always will. I’m so sorry you lost your beloved Peter. Thank you I will look into that. Take care love and hugs xxx
@JrJay dear Jay thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. Its good that you found this community there is so much help and support here from people who understand and care. I will definitely keep trying I have to for my pets and my darling. I do hope you have support around you. In my opinion it takes a real man to be able to show their emotions rather than hold them in. My thoughts are with you. Take care sending hugs xxx
@Lonely dear Sheila thank you. It definitely gets worse and feeling sad empty and lost its always there. I always knew it would be hard but hard doesn’t even come close to how bad it is. I also live in the past. Why not I was happy then as she was with me and no matter what life threw at us it was ok because we had eachother. I too don’t look to the future as it means nothing without her. I have been taking one day at a time since losing her and that’s how I will keep going on one day at a time. Take care love and hugs xxx
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