OK. So. My husband’s ashes are on a shelf in the “ash room” at the crematorium. In a bag, in a box. I know - this is bad. I thought I had it all figured out. Put the ashes in the lawn in the memorial garden, where his parents are. Makes sense, right? Wrong, it turns out, at least for me. You see, there’s no marker, no way to know where he is, afterwards. Just a rather tatty looking lawn. No. So, he remains on the shelf. I thought of bringing him home and then, when I go, our ashes could be mixed and put somewhere. I. Just. Cannot. Decide. Anyone else in this kind of jam?
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Ian’s ashes are in a beautiful urn (with lakes, mountains & two rainbows on it).
The lovely undertaker just brought them in that without asking my preference & it is so beautiful.
So, they are in our home, on a shelf, I often light a candle next to them.
They are a tremendous source of comfort.
It is in my will that I want both our ashes scattered together when my time comes.
I couldn’t bear to scatter them at the moment, so on the shelf in their pretty urn they’ll stay.
Janey
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Thank you, Janet, thank you. You know what - I am going to bring him home. Thank you for helping me decide.
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I too brought my husbands ashes home. They are in a lovely urn at the side of my bed with his picture. I talk to him every night and it gives me comfort keeping his ashes x
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Thank you, for sharing this, Nel - I am so glad you can find comfort with him near you. It is all so hard, so many decisions are demanded of us, when we are at our lowest. I will make arrangements to collect him - and go from there.
My husband wanted to be sprinkled in the Grand Canyon, he loved the vastness and beauty of it, but you are no longer allowed to sprinkle ashes there, so when I can I shall take him as near as I can. For the moment he sits in a box wrapped in his favourite pillow case in a bookcase in my bedroom. His favourite place was at home with his family so I had to bring him home until I am ready to do as he requested.
I had to take 2 buses to collect his ashes from the undertakers and I went on my own, crying all the way home, but as we stepped in to the house I felt the first moment of peace since he died xx
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Dear Lilyboost, Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see you love him very much, as I do my darling husband. I am going to bring him back here. I miss him badly and I hope I will have that same feeling of peace, too.
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My husband’s ashes are scattered in the sea at Looe in Cornwall, a place he wanted to visit for one more holiday. We never made it now he has his wish.
The whole family went and we scattered them on his birthday.
I did keep a small amount which are in our garden in a special area deciated to him, so he is always close to me.
I collected his ashes within 2 months from the funeral directors, and it brought me a peace knowing he was home.
X X
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Hi there
I’m sort of in the same situation as you. I had every intention of placing my husband’s ashes in our local crematorium gardens but despite two visits the plots available were not suitable. So I have them on his bedside table with a picture of our grandchildren. Not sure what I’ll do with them but I’m having work in our garden which he loved so may place them there. My youngest son keeps asking me what I’m doing with them although he did take a small amount to the Cheltenham Festival with him and placed them by the winning line.
I do take comfort from having him close to tell him
about my day and say goodnight to. I think it’s up to each of us to do what we feel best.
Much love
Georgina 
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My wife passed away suddenly 12.5 weeks ago from cardiac arrest. I was in a similar dilemma as what to do with her ashes. It was second marriages for both of us. We met in 2007 and married in 2010. Her son died in 2002 age 16 from leukemia. She kept his ashes at home as she could not bear to be parted from him.
So with agreement of her daughter (my step daughter) we wanted both her ashes and her sons ashes to be interned together.
Both me and my step daughter did not want the ashes scattered on a memorial lawn where others would walk over them we wanted somewhere specific for the ashes we could visit to lay flowers and talk to them.
I have purchased a mini grave in the local cemetary. This will hold up to 4 erns. This will allow my wife to still be with her son and when my time comes l can then join my wife in the same grave. We will then have somewhere where we can visit.
But saying that, l cannot bear to be totally parted from my wife. Therefore l have purchased a wooden casket in which some of her ashes will be placed and l will keep beside me in our bedroom so l am not totally parted from her. When my time comes l have left instructions in my will that her ashes in the casket are then to be comingled with mine before l am placed in the mini grave.
I am going to collect her ashes from the funeral directors on Wednesday so she can spend one last day at home before her and her sons ashes are interned on Thursday. That day is going to be a very emotional day.
Take care all x
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John never really told me what he wanted me to do with his ashes. When we knew his cancer was terminal, I asked him and he said ‘the local tip’. I can’t bring myself to do that -I’m not even sure its legal.
So his ashes are in the plain burgundy box from the undertakers, which is currently residing on my bookshelf. When I moved house in December, I brought his ashes with me. There are several places round here that I could scatter them, but I’m not sure I feel comfortable about dividing him up. He once said that while he had made his peace with dying in general, he really didn’t want to leave me. So I think I will keep him with me in that way.
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Thank you, Georgie - it is really kind of you to share this with us. I think I am going to collect him tomorrow. It will be strange though. Maybe I will just leave him there. I just don’t know.
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I thought I had it all planned out with the death of my wife. Sponsored a tree, brought a bench and paid for the ashes to be buried in the woodland next to the tree. How wrong I was couldn’t stand the thought of her being all alone, so have decided to have her ashes at home with me until my time comes and then Bury us together at her tree.
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Absolutely @Mad - I completely get this. I want something similar for T and me, too. We were together in life, and so, in death, we go hand in hand xx Stay well, keep going.
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Same here. I visited the crematorium gardens twice to look at some plots but my heart broke thinking I would be leaving him there with strangers. Instead I have him home with me and when I have finished some work in the garden may put him there. For now he’s beside me on the beside table with a photo of our grandchildren. I can tell him about my day and also say goodnight 
he’s with me where he belongs.
Georgina
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Trust me whatever decision you make will be the right one
Georgie x
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thank you, thank you. Every decision has to be mine, now - and it is exhausting. Thank you for your support x
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I have my husband’s ashes sitting next to me in a beautiful oak casket. I have also had a ring made out of some of his ashes which I can wear every day. I would like our ashes scattered together in Norfolk where we spent many a happy caravan holiday.
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I brought my son’s ashes home. They sat beside his boxes of war games for about one year. On his anniversary, because we live at the coast we scattered his ashes on a beautiful calm day in the sea. I also have a little heart filled with a tiny amount of ashes. They sit in our living room beside a picture of him and his sister, which makes me feel close to him. When I pass my sons ashes will be with me. This brings me comfort. I hope this helps you decide what to do x
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JaneyS this isn exactly how I feel. My husband died in February and I have ordered a beautiful piece of pottery from the undertaker and am just waiting for it to arrive so I can bring him home. Then when I die I would like our ashes scattered together. I really feel I need him home with me as I miss him so much.
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