So sorry for both of your losses. I am only three weeks down the line of losing my Dad. I think you will know when is the right time and the right thing to do. That seems to be what others tell me. I am hoping that one day I’ll just know it’s the right time. Whether that’s 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years or longer I hope I’ll just know when it’s the right time.
Sorry for your loss . Time is best . I just about sorted myself out with losing my dad , and now I have mum to sort out . I just feel sad that my dad is stuck at the funeral directors, my dear old dad loved the outdoors and would have been crawling the walls with the covid restrictions. We are hoping to take him to his favourite fishing place and scatter him on the water . Mum I am not sure 
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I can only imagine how you feel having lost both your Mum & Dad in a short period of time. My Dad was the same with the restrictions. I feel sad that the last two years of his life were governed in the main part by restrictions. At a fishing spot sounds a lovely idea for your Dad x
Lucky for me that we had often talked about our wishes in the past. Didn’t expect to be making them at 52 for my husband of same age., my husband was not at all religious - a nature that had resulted from years of being a Jehovah Witness at a young age. So I always knew that he wanted no religion at his service and definitely didn’t want a memorial in any shape that we would need to visit etc. So with my sons we decided to scatter his ashes at a few of his most favourite places. The first being Tenby where we spent many years with a static caravan and made precious memories with our children. The second being Tenerife where we visited annually for the past 10 years since we had started to be able to enjoy couples holidays as our boys had grown up. Thirdly underneath a beautiful rhododendrum in the garden that my husband loved for the first weeks of May when it flowered…but hated for the next few weeks when all the flowers dropped and he constantly had to sweep them up! So what I am saying is for me it wasn’t just one place it was a series of memorable places…so whenever in the future I visit these places I will feel closer to his memory and make new memories in his honour. Plus, he would have definitely laughed thinking perhaps part of him has been spread all over the world…that was his humour ! Whatever is right for you…that is what you must do…I hope you have found some answers to your dilemma. x
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I know exactly how you feel. Frances and I had a chat in the last month’s we both said to bring the other home. Tell the kids and write down that the ashes to be mixed up. Then place together in the crematorium with a plaque.
Telling the kids in the last month that their mum ashes should wait until I went was very hard. It was another trigger for me. T
It added to the pain
I’m a bit in the same position. My darling husband died 15 months ago and he always said he wanted to stay local perhaps in the crematorium where we said goodbye. However after two visits there is nothing suitable just plots that have been relinquished so there will be other peoples remains there as well or beside a car park near the actual crem. So he’s on his bedside cabinet with a photo of our grandchildren. However my youngest son struggles with this and wants me to make a decision and lay him to rest. We have a lovely garden which John loved pottering around in so I’m happy to have him there. Not with strangers in an unsuitable plot but with me here. Both boys are struggling with this but at the end of the day they’ve said it’s my decision and whatever comforts me is fine by them. So torn at the moment as I do realise he needs to be placed somewhere but at the moment I cannot seem to make a final decision.
I imagine it will be in the garden 🪴 but my boys happiness is so important to me and I need to get them onboard 100%.
The final thing I can do for him so I need to get it right.
Georgina
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I know it is a hard decision, and I wish you well.
I hope Frances and I have made the right decision. I know having the love one is comforting, you just have to take the time, it will
Suddenly come to you what is right.
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@Georgie15 - I also struggled with this decision. When my husband died suddenly at 55 I had never considered having to make this kind of decision.
However in the end I decided I wanted his ashes in our garden, which he loved, but I also wanted to be able to take him with me if I move. So I bought a garden urn, it’s very plain and has weathered nicely. I think he would’ve approved as its not fussy or even obvious what it is.
It was very emotional for me and my son putting his ashes there but I get comfort from having them near me. I hope you can make a decision that’s right for you.
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Oh thank you Flossy3 yes it’s been tough and I feel this last thing I do for him has to be right. To be honest he was bit of a traditionalist in that he would probably scoff at the garden idea and be happy at the crem. But it’s me left to deal with my feelings and I know it would make me sad to place him there in an unsuitable place. I’ve been in the garden today looking at options and I’ve promised my boys to make a decision soon. Am I being selfish I don’t think. I’ll forever be sad 
but I think I’ll cope better knowing he is close by.
The garden urn is a lovely idea but with four young grandchildren running havoc imagine it could end up in a million pieces with John blowing in the wind. Now that would make him laugh 
All the best
Georgina x
The urn is stone and is like an egg shape - it won’t easily be knocked over, but you must do what is right for you. My husband would have probably not have been keen either, I imagine him saying “why would I care?” He certainly wouldn’t have liked a fuss.
I’m glad about my decision and I decided it was my decision to make, regardless of what others thought.
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That’s right yes I feel it is my decision and I’m sure I’ll do the right thing in the end. Thanks for your response anyway it’s nice to hear from other people with the same dilemma as me, but you have found peace with your decision and I’m sure I will too.
Georgina
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@Georgie15 I understand what you say, but in my opinion you should do what YOU want, and not one of your sons. My Sharon’s ashes are at the funeral home, and I’m bring back a pot from our holiday home in Crete which she loved. I will keep it in the lounge, or maybe my study - and then, as Sharon and I agreed, when I go our ashes will be mixed and thrown from Porchester Castle where we went on our first big date and fell in love. There is no way I could let me girl’s ashes go - which may mot be right for you, but all I can respectfully suggedt is to do what you want, when you want…
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@cal1 yes, same for us, our ashes will be mixed when I go, and we’ll be together then through all eternity.
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Thank you Dennis and I agree 100% it’s my decision. From day one I’ve said “it’s not just about me”. My boys have lost their dad and my grandchildren their grandad and his sister a brother. But on this decision it’s mine alone. Of course I’ll take their feelings into account but at the end of the day I’ll never forgive myself if I make the wrong decision.
Best regards
Georgina
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@Georgie15 Agreed; personally I understand my 2 sons lost their Mum, but Sharon and I will be mixed together when I go, so they won’t be scattered before then…
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@gilmar I understand not scattering his ashes, I’m keeping Sharon with me… We’ll be mixed together when I go…
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@MrsH09 Join the club, my mother in law hates me - despite 44 brilliant years married, caring for Sharon in every way, she tells me I’m a Johnny come lately and her pain is worse than mine. It’s not a competion…