Hi everyone. Sorry this is so negative but I just cant get over this massive feeling of numbness and not wanting to live that Ive had since my husband died last April. I cant enjoy anything. I am not ‘growing in grief.’ Ive had counselling and done courses etc but all i want is for my life to end so im with him again. I have reasons to live (children, grandchildren and pets) but i just go through the motions. I dont look forward to anything. I have been told by a counsellor that i should have hope for the future. Why? I dont want it. The rest of my life seems like a punishment although compared to many people i have a good life. I cant believe i signed up for this horrific emptiness. What life lesson am i supposed to be learning other than how shite grief is. Have walked this road before as have also lost one of my sons.
Hi @Freddie123,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
I know how you are feeling I stay in my house day after day with my little doggie I have no other siblings or children I left totally alone now each day is the same
Thinking of you
Val
It’s horrendous. My husband died in November. I had a good day yesterday and then boom! Today has been horrible. 4:40pm and ive gone to bed. I just cant bear life without him, it’s horrific. Ive signed up for counselling but the assessment isnt till end of feb.
Thank you Seanan x
Thank you val. Its like entering parallel universe isnt it. Everyone else’s life seems normal except ours xx
Thank you for replying. I hope your counselling arrives soon. At least its someone who specialises in your feelings though not every suggestion helps! X
I lost my husband in November I feel the same as you
I totally relate…every day a struggle…I admire your honesty…I CAN cope…I can and continue to do so…but I don’t WANT to…there is a huge difference 
Do you not take dogs a walk ? I take my puppy. Honestly dunno what i would do if i couldnt take her out … it really helps your mental health you know. If im stressed i just go out in the fresh air and it puts things into perspective. Im not saying life is perfect afterwards but it certainly helps a lot xx
I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my husband in May and most days I feel exactly as yourself all the horrific motions, the grieving as though your going mad, it’s endless, but reading a lot of the letters on this site is helping me a little as we’re not alone in our grieving there are so many people out there just like us you take care
Yes I guess so Freddie but we have to make the best of it and try and be happy the old saying ,”cry you cry alone smile and the world smiles with you ,” keep smiling Freddie 
I agree if I had not had my dog I would not be here x
Yeh i hsve often thought about that saying too … cry and you cry alone … so true … xx
@Val67
I have to agree on the dog. I have 2 and don’t know what I would do without them either. Gives you exercise and they’re always by your side
Les49
I’m
So sorry for your loss I feel your pain and I’m exactly where you are now I lost my fiancé 6 month ago wasn’t allowed to say goodbye cause of his family because he was in the music industry I went every where he went I feel alone and a failure I wasn’t with him when he passed away as we lived separately but spoke to him in the phone not knowing an hour later he would be gone he went so suddenly I feel shocked I try to get out and about but once hope I break down I just want him back life is so cruel and unfair I miss him so much my heart hurts
Yes i take my dogs out twice a day, ride my horse, go swimming etc BUT i still feel numb.
@Freddie123 im so sorry you find yourself on here . Losing your love is just so painful isn’t it ? I’m just over one year into this shitty life lesson and I, too constantly feel negative. I really don’t understand WHY we need to learn this particular lesson in loss . What purpose is it serving , other than making us carry on lonely lives with our heartbreak . It’s just horrible. 
Dear Ladysusie, i feel exactly the same. I just cant see what is achieved bh the liff lesson of losing one or several people who are very close to you. X
There is none is there … it just feels like a punishment … its not fair losing person you loved and relied on … i still cant believe hes gone … i miss him every hour of every day … 13 months on i still wonder where the hell my life is gonna go but i know that love and kindness and caring will help it too - unfortunately that seems to be in short supply these days … but guess we have to keep trying and hope we find some … xx