Morning Jen37,I write these heartbreaking messages because it helps me cope with this terrible grief we all are going through,we loved them ,still do,cherished them,my wife was my precious one ,my world ,my hopes for the future,well that’s gone.Yes move on they say ,take each day as it comes,well that does not help me much,each day is a living nightmare,all I see is my wife in agony in those last few weeks ,I nursed her ,fed her as best I could but those images are in my brain forever now.I miss her so much it hurts like hell. Michael.
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Plodding on ,is that what it has come down to now that we are alone,sleeping alone,eating alone,this is not what I want ,I wanted to be with her forever.Not coping with this loss very well,keep phoning friends and relatives just to talk about her ,they will get bored with me very soon if I keep it up.But I miss her so very much and it has only been a few weeks.Michael.
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Hi Michael. We are in a nightmare that we can’t wake up from. I’m now under the crisis team because I just can’t do this. Like you with your wife, my husband was my everything. My best friend, my lover , my soulmate . We did everything together. We were meant to grow old together. I can’t imagine my future without him. There isn’t one . At least not a happy one. We were so happy that we had each other. You’re right about friends and family. They have their own lives and don’t want me to keep bringing them down. My kids say I’m being selfish. That I should be concentrating on them and the grandchildren. It’s not that easy. Even being around the kids doesn’t seem right without him. He adored the grandchildren and that they adored him back. It would have been better if I died and he lived. It’s affecting my health as I’ve lost nearly 2 stone and can’t eat and feel weak and dizzy all the time. I miss him so much. I just cry all the time. This is torture. Xxx
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Hi Jen37. I too to start with found doing the paperwork and sorting things out distracted me temporarily but now I feel overwhelmed. Hey husband was my soulmate and the love of my life. He always said we’d grow old together. I can’t even imagine a future without him. I cry all the time. My kids are getting mad with me saying I’m being selfish. But I can’t help it. I just can’t do this without him. Keep chatting on here. We all understand how it feels. You always Private message me as well if you want to chat.
JenW xx
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Hello all
Unfortunately I think most people cannot understand what we are going through our love for our husbands or as in my situation wife can never be replaced she was my whole world we did everything together and had such fun and yes our children are also grieving but it’s not the same. One day you are the happiest person in the world and when they go so suddenly you feel all alone.
Keep messaging everyone I am sure it’s helping me just a tiny bit the last 6 weeks has been hell.
Gerry
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Oh Jen this is me as well,I have lost weight because I am not eating properly,cannot be bothered to make anything.I burst out crying all the time for her ,just want her back .I should have gone first,she would have coped better than me.I am with you on this terrible journey wherever it ends.Michael.
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If it helps you to keep talking about her then do. Even if it’s only on here. My life was completely entwined with my husband’s and it can’t be separated. I can’t and won’t stop talking about the most important person in my world.
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Dear JenW
We have two little grandsons, the second born after my husband died. We are not being selfish when we grieve for the one person who made us whole. The grandsons were always going to be a part of our lives its just that there is a big piece of this now missing. I have come to the conclusion that our kids will never understand that their grief if different to my own so I pay no attention to this.
I have lost a considerable amount of weight too. I find eating so difficult but force myself to have a small meal most days.
I keep going for our kids and grandsons but also because I need to keep my husband’s memory alive and talk about him everyday - often accompanied by tears. I need to be able to tell the grandsons all about their wonderful granda. But I understand that it is not easy.
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Aw Michael,I don’t know how we move on without our wonderful partners,it’s something we never expect I’m angry he was such a great man lots of friends really enjoyed his life,wish I’d told him more how much I loved and needed him thought we had years left, I feel sick all the timeI keep sitting here replaying in my mind everything that happened 4weeks in critical care kept having hope such a roller coaster of emotions
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Hi Jen37
Your words so echo my feelings. I don’t want to live a life of heartbreak and loneliness. Everyone around expects that after 18 weeks, I should be over the worst. The complete opposite is true in fact and everyday just gets that little bit harder to cope with.
I just wish I could disappear and everyone accept that that is what is right for me. I’m too much of a coward though.
X Julie
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Hi Julie,no one who hasn’t gone through losing a wonderful husband can imagine the grief the physical heartache we go through every day,I have no motivation to do anything,I used to have so much energy going for long walks,find myself sat in a chair imagining Steve is here staring at his pictures.Why do people think we should be okay after a few weeks,someone text me asking did I want to go out,retail therapy, don’t they realise we are dying inside,we’ll that’s my rant over for now take care x
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Me too ,I keep going over those last 8 weeks,7 in hospital and then hospice.You told him you loved him many times ,do not worry about that.I also feel sick most of the time,my whole body aches for her.I whispered in her ear all the time that I loved her and cherished her,cuddled her all the time in hospital,when they told me she was dying I collapsed to the floor ,cried my eyes out.They could do no more for her. Devastated.Michael.
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Hi Trixie37. You should be over it in 18 weeks!!! Rubbish. Whoever thinks that hasn’t got a clue. , my wife died 27 months ago , and I miss her more now than I did then. The pain does ease a little, but that empty feeling inside of you never goes. I have 3 sons and they are getting on with their lives. But for us our life stopped when our wife’s/ husband’s died. I keep on living from day to day, but there is no joy in living anymore. Even after 27 months I still cry for her , think about her every hour of every day and still find it hard to accept I’ll never see her or hold her hand again. In all honesty I am just living waiting to die.
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I am with you all the way ,never stop talking to them or about them,they were and still are the most important people to us all on here,our departed love ones.Michael.
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Hi winmick, I feel the same. My life definitely stopped when my husband died. My husband died on the 11th of August. Everyday gets worse. He was only 52 and I’m 48. We should of had loads more years together. We did everything together. True soulmates. I’m just existing now. There is no living. Wish I could kiss him and hold him again. Everyday is absolute torture. Xx
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I’m feeling the same…constantly stressed and anxious, it’s hell. I lost my husband at the end of April, looking after my elderly little dog and all the paperwork distracted me a little bit but made the stress so much worse. The paperwork’s ended, I had to take my little dog to be put to sleep and the pain and anxiety is worse than ever, sleep seems impossible. 'Heartache ’ is such a good description, my little world’s crashed. I’m so glad I was recommended this site and to see I’m not alone in feeling so desperate
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Martyn you aren’t alone in your thoughts, my husband of 40 years Garry died in March, mid conversation, not a sign. I tried to save him till the ambulance came & like a screen from the tv I followed expecting to get there & the machines would save him, but no. He was 61 we were retiring this year. I wake everyday disappointed I’m still here . Friends as you said fade away as they really don’t know what to do or say so hide away. I liked the bit you said about taking off the shoes I wish I could too. Take good care.
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Hi Clare143, so sorry to hear of your husband, and not to compare them in anyway, then the loss of your dog. My wee dog is t only thing that gets me out of bed n to be honest keeps me alive, I know that everyone else will cope without me. Feel conflicted that once he goes as much as il be brokenhearted Il have peace that I don’t have to try anymore to carry on. I don’t want a lifetime of feeling like this, t pain as physical as it is emotional, is it so wrong not to want to ‘move on’ or it’ll get easier, I want to hold on to every part of him cos that’s what makes me whole again so do what’s right for you not what other people tell you you ‘should’ do. I go to t grave n sit everyday, tell him I came for a hug n I feel better for it. I tried to go back to work but lasted 1 night cos we worked together n was too raw n overwhelming like him dying all over again, so right now I’m doing what I need, keeping him close to me, his things, his smell, his pic is t 1st thing I see, I tx him n it helps til I can fall into a medicated sleep. As much as I wish to take away yr heartbreak it’s also helpful to know we are rightfully allowed to feel this way
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Hi Gerry. I agree with you when you say that yes of course the children are grieving but it’s not the same. My husband and I were a team. True soulmates. We did everything together. There’s no one else’s company we enjoyed more than each other’s. Every minute of everyday I miss him. I feel like I’ve got nothing to wake up in the morning for. I have nobody to cuddle at night. I miss him so much. We had each other and we were looking forward to getting old together. I died when he did. I’m not a whole person anymore. Xx
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JenW, thank you for reaching out, hope you are finding some support wi t crisis team though its a long journey I truly hope it brings you comfort. I’ve no knowledge of how they process everything if that’s ever possible, but my only fear would be they would want me to ‘deal’ with t loss and get you back into some sort of life and I don’t want that. People say do it for him, he wouldn’t want you to be so broken but I just want to stay in my bubble. That’s why people here are so comforting even though my heart breaks reading but at least there’s no judgement or pull yourself together crap
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