Try to stay strong Jen… I keep telling people that but inside I know your grief it’s so so hard but little steps deep breathing just may give you 5 mins of sanity or a bit of sleep time…
Keep messaging I know it helps me a tiny bit.
Gerry
I too wake each morning and the full force of what has happened hits you again,you are alone with no partner,another day to get through,more pain,more crying ,missing them so much,this is not the way I wanted my old age to be ,all alone in a house that I shared with my lovely wife.Michael.
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Hi Mickeyboy31 the mornings are worse, the flat empty feeling inside as soon as my eyes open & ‘ here’s another day’ I don’t know how many more I can do, it all gets pointless. X
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Yes I totally agree,what is the point of waking up and feeling like this every day of your life.The emptiness of life ,the being alone all the time in a house that is full of her things,love her so much,told her constantly when she was in hospital those last few weeks.Hugged her,cuddled her ,whispered in her ear how much she meant to me and pleaded with her not to leave me but she had to because of that evil cancer.I am so unhappy ,I am sad all the time,I am crying even now.Michael.
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Oh Michael. I feel your pain so much. It doesn’t matter what people say , it isn’t going to make things better because it can’t bring your wife back. I cry all the time. I’m so angry that my husband died due to somebody’s mistake in data input and lack of communication and relaying to us important information. It’s disgusting. My husband shouldn’t have died. He was not protected. He was my everything. I don’t understand how life can be so cruel. For over a year I’ve been having cancer treatment. He took such good care of me. I’m due to be going for my last herceptin injection on the first of November. ( still will be needing to take tablets ) but that will be the finish of going to the chemo unit. Chemo and injections finished. We should be celebrating but instead I feel what was the point of all that. Why put me through that and then take my soulmate away? Just know you are not alone. We all feel a pain that no one can understand unless they’ve been through it. Xx
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Hi JenW your message made me cry,you have been through hell,my wife also was not protected,she was missed in having stage 4 bladder cancer,had 6 hour major operation,then chemo ,then another operation,she had 2 bags by now ,poor woman was so brave never complained just got on with it.Then they said it had spread again and there was nothing they could do,I was shattered,devastated,my world crashed down in front of me.This pain we all have is right up there ,losing your soulmate must be the worst thing ever.Miss her so much xx Michael.
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Hi Dolly
It is that awful moment in the morning when you realise that nothing has changed and that you are on your own after 40 years of being together. The house is quiet and you think ‘what is the point of getting up’.
I do and I make myself go out as I can’t bear being in the house on my own. After receiving so many flowers and cards when Ian passed away 18 weeks ago, the silence is now deafening. Where has all the support they promised gone? I know it’s a common theme on here but most friends and family have disappeared when they are needed most……. Close family and one friend have been amazing but that is it.
Take care, x Julie
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Thanks for your words Julie I know I’m not alone in this pain as I’ve read so many other people’s pain but I can’t shake this feeling of doom, if you’d have known me 7 months ago I loved life & everything it held but now I feel I am lost in a world I don’t want to belong. I lost my Mum Betty when I was nearly 6 so had all the survival skills I thought I needed but this is something else entirely & fear I can’t survive this but at the moment lack courage so I get up, get dressed & put the face to the world they want to see hoping for a miracle. Jill M x
Hi Dolly,I lost my husband of 51yrs 4weeks ago and I agree when waking up,if you have even slept,is torture everything hits all at once can’t breathe,heart thumping,finding it hard to face another day without our loved one the only small solace for me is being able to write my thoughts down on here.I have no motivation thought I was a strong woman but not without Steve.L Try to look after yourself Dolly,that’s what people keep saying isn’t it if they only knew the pain we are really in x
Yes you are right Christine if only others knew our pain. I am the 1st one of our group of friends to have lost a partner/ husband & feel they think it’s like an illness which you just get over & get on with it, why wouldn’t I I’m 61 with what they think I have life left to live, but my life has ended 7 months ago in a split second, my husband Garry just vanished from my life, having his coffin brought home for an hour before our final goodbye was surreal, how could he be in there. I take it sometimes an hour at a time, unable to see a path in front without him, a path I can’t walk. Thanks for hearing me Jill M x
Hi Jill,you’re right people who haven’t lost there husband think it’s a normal loss it isn’t,we probably have all lost close family who we loved dearly but this loss is absolutely overwhelming your whole life changes, being on our own is torture,the loss of Steve is painful,heartbreaking,why do people think we can just get on with it,normal,happy life finished when he left thanks for listening x
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When my mum died I was devastated but the grief I am feeling now is so overwhelming and in no way comparable. The future has been taken from me and Ian, and that is what people can’t seem to understand.
All the plans we had about how to spend our future retirement years gone in an instant. The future now just seems like a dark and oh so lonely place without the person you had planned to spend it with.
Julie x
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Hi Julie,You are right everything we planned gone,dreading dark cold nights without Steve,just watching telly together,having a drink before our meal loved cooking for him Steve always appreciated his meals all now I can hardly bear to eat,my daughter is coming after work tonight to stay over as she’s off tomorrow she has been brilliant so has my son,but they have there own life’s to live,what a lonely life now.Take care Julie x
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I can’t think of a more apt word than you’ve written Christine…’torture.’ I’m having trouble facing it at all, every time I think of my husband or my little dog I have really bad anxiety attacks and try to focus on something else. It’s like my brain is in permanent crisis. I’ve been trying to do breathing and positive affirmations, they sometimes help (they never work at night)…nights are worse. Take care x
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Clare,I don’t know what the answer is we cannot control our grief, our total heartbreak pounding in the chest I have photos of Steve around the house keep ordering things got a beautiful cushion made with a lovely photo of him on his chair might not be for everyone but I need this,miss him so much still can’t believe he’s not coming back,look after yourself speak on this forum with your thoughts it helps me x
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Hi Jen W
I lost my hubby best friend rock to suicide in April this year, he was let down by his work…Big time and the mental health service immensely, his inquest is not till May next year, covid apparently but that’s Wales for you.
Grief is a personal journey, icry everyday, feel lonely at times, want to join him alot, but I’m trying to focus on our 3grown up girls, our grandson,and trying to ensure something positive comes out of all of it.
It’s not easy I tried to work but I found him and couldn’t save him, so have guilt and memories I don’t want. Weirdly it was the only thing he ever did for himself,but then that morning he wasn’t himself.
Take everyday as one, I try and achieve something each day, our little zoo ensure I get up. I find talking with others in similar situations helpful, as losing your other half is so different, everything has changed and I didn’t want it too.
Stay strong xx
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I do not want this lonely life ,wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.I feel so sick inside every day ,the future died 4 weeks ago with my darling wife.
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I know exactly that feeling, but would your wife want you to do that…I’m 6 months in and it’s not easy everything is difficult but do able.
Keep talking one day at a time, do something for her, a plant, a bench xx
Stay strong
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Having a bad day today. I feel so alone. I just want my husband back. I feel myself getting angrier and angrier at the incompetence of the nhs that caused my husband to die. I’m lost without him. I can’t do this.
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Hi Jen
So sorry you are feeling so down. I wish that I could take your pain and anger away but all I can do is let you know that you are not alone. We are all thinking of you even if we can’t be with you.
Take care of yourself,
Julie x
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