There’s the outside, front facing life… where everyone seems to think that everything is OK and I’m coping, managing my life, dealing with stuff…
And the real inside one… where eveything is chaos, the house and garden are a shambles and I’ve no idea how to get things finished.
Please tell me I’m not the only one…
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Youre not the only one !! Xx
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You’re definitely not the only one. The bit of you above water is trying to learn how to swim, but the bit of you under the water is slowly drowning.
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That sums it up exactly!
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The house and garden are a shambles and I have no idea how I’m going to get anything finished. That’s me exactly. Plus I keep weeping at the slightest thing.
You are most definitely not alone!
It’s nearly five months for me now and I think the outward facing person has got better at looking as if they are coping but the other me is still an unpredictable mess.
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Gosh yes the house is a shambles bit+++!
As soon as I tidy it up with such low energy but by bit it is then back to square one very soon without my husband who used to share it with.
If I go out I am too tired to do it when I get back. The effort involved is huge to do that. I had to be there on time then afterwards got the shopping. By the time I had put it away and made a meal that was that for me to clear up .
So I will be on the back foot the next day if I can’t to make It anywhere as well.
I still haven’t put the clothes all back I was trying on to find things to wear now the weather has changed. If I do all that I will miss the deadline to do the one thing I can go to.
Then the garden needs attention again. Gosh never ending. Don’t know how these folk have boundless energy.
I don’t. Seems everyone else is doing better than I am. But so it is refreshing if you are honest.
I sit and look at things that need doing. Gosh where do you start? Make a list the organised ones say. Get one thing off the list let alone two. Still 18 things left. There is this poem dust if you must. Ha dust some bits I miss kids could write their name in it.
Cat is into everything.
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I recognise the living of two lives . The land of the living and the other the land of the bereaved widow .
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Yeh indeed … its just not the life we had is it 
and its like we’re on the outside of life looking in … people seem to be getting on with their lives and we are stuck in some sort of no mans land … theres a fair near me and i was listening to them all laughing and i thought will i ever laugh like that again ? I dunno ???
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Yes @wilderness - l recognise this too. The half of me that appears to be getting on with stuff and learning how to cope, and the other half of me that’s dying inside.
You’re not alone @Scubadolly - sending a hug x
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Yes this morning overslept as was awake in night. Just went out and left it all. Then tidied his and his mother’s grave up. With this no mow May ox eyed daisies were left long obscuring her headstone so afraid I yanked them up as couldn’t stand it looking that scruffy.
Emotional thing. But is nearly end of May.
Sorry bees hope you had your time.
But still havent tackled mess as nice outside
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It’s difficult when people think you are ok but inside your are demented
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You are not the only one going through this ,you are grieving for what you have lost ,I lost my husband January this year and it so hard without him My thoughts are with you at this sad time . X
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True, everyone keeps saying I am doing so well and I always say you haven’t seen me behind closed doors 
You are not the only one 
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Youre not the only one.
And, if the slightest thing goes wrong i have a meltdown.
Trying to put a brave face on for others is too much to bare, so i stay away… isolated, thinking of Nick more and more.
He was 54, died of a brain tumour. He passed away 20th April… his funeral was 16th may. Hes buried. Im going to the grave today. We only managed 12 years together but fitted a lot in… laughing all the way. He was so positive, laid back, a gorgeous man in every way.
Losing the one you love is a very physical pain 
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I relate to that, everything in the house, garden and life is surreal. My wife of 50 years gone now for nearly two years. I have some health issues which I cannot get to grips with, also I am totally exhausted the whole time so I despair of where the next piece of positive living is coming from. My previous optimism has turned to pessimism. I try to count my blessings, I have a roof over my head and no serious money worries, but that does not seem to help. Also I feel isolated as I am not clever digitally, everything is done on line, I dare not join social media sites as I would not recognise scams etc. I volunteer and have joined a couple a scrabble club, but overall little social life which I know is damaging.
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Sounds like youre doing pretty ok to me. Maybe try and find a course to help you go online - you managed to get on this so well done !! Xx
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Thanks Deb5, your reply has enabled me to reply to you, but not via the forum. I tried to log back on to the forum, but am locked out. I don’t know why, there are no instructions how to get back to the forum. I pressed the appropriate bar but states my account already in use. I am confused and disappointed, I thought that a site for the vulnerable would be simple and clear. I have no idea if you will see this. Why oh why is it all so complicated? Please reply like you just did, I may see it. As for the Sue Ryder so-called feedback form, that’s even worse, just doesn’t work!
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@devonolderguy I think it’s great that you joined a couple of clubs… seeing people face to face is so much better than social media… which can be an an absolute minefield! You have however, joined a type of social media group by being here, so you have made a start.
As Deb5 says, there might be a course available at a local library that might put you on track, and you’d be out meeting people …
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Just click on" visit topic " when you get a message - its highlighted in blue and i can your message so you done something right ! Xx
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