Yes I could have written this myself and feel exactly the same. Today I’m sat at home crying with everything falling apart around me. Next week I will be back at work putting a brave face on it and telling people I’m fine.
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@devonolderguy It seems you are doing better at this online support malarkey than you thought! But I completely agree that the move towards everything being done digitally is yet another challenge for us slightly older folks. So when it gets confusing and frustrating it’s another trigger for feeling lost and alone. I feel as if all my resilience and energy has been sapped by losing my companion of nearly 50 years. I was quite an independent person, held down a demanding job, had interests of my own as well as shared ones but I’ve been knocked sideways by this loss.
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Hope you can see this @devonolderguy … just click on “visit topic” in blue and message will come up !@ good luck !! If youre not successful ask a neighbour or friend or family to help you … it can be a bit confusing at first but you wil get there !! Xx
I have been on courses for I t. But it is always changing and with disabilities other people do not get it that you have trouble with touch screens with arthritic fingers and bad eye sight to see. As you get older everything feels more difficult. I find others don’t understand because to them it is simple. We all have different gifts. Mine certainly isn’t i.t. what I can do has taken a huge amount of effort.
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I couldn’t go out much before when my husband died. I found it so challenging. I preferred being alone and going on zoom.
That way if I felt vulnerable I could switch the camera off. So much easier than all the effort going out.
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Yeh i know im not that brilliant either but i try 
xx
I’m too am trying not to get overwhelmed with the daily chores and the gardening and shopping and cooking whilst holding down a demanding full time job. Hubby passed away 10 months ago.
He never did any gardening, he left it to me, but he cooked and cleaned whilst I slogged away outside or worked late. Aching shoulders would get massaged. Frustrating work would seem all the less bothersome after a chat about my day with him.
I quite often cannot be bothered to cook and choose easy options for less healthy food. I’m now dealing with everything by myself and it feels exhausting and I miss him so much. He was my safety blanket, backup crew and an absolute gem.
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@AlleyKatC I find that’s the worst part…having no one to talk to in the evening, the simplicity of sharing the load, knowing instinctively what each other needed…
It is exhausting, overwhelming trying to do it all and it’s so difficult to ask for help
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@AlleyKatC this is me too. I am supposed to be upping my work hours as part of my phased return but everything else is running riot. I have a huge list of things that need doing in the garden and on the allotment let alone housework. A team of 1 doesn’t work and there are also some things I just can’t do.
I also often skip the cooking and settle for something easy and not very healthy but have also discovered a new cook book “nosh for one”which is very good and encourages me to look after myself a bit more. There is no solution sadly to having someone to talk to about my day though.
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Hi I don’t cook now. My normality is now a cuppa soup, sandwich and packet of crisps. Healthy…not. It’s all I can manage at present. Oh and have started eating biscuits and chocolate. What’s that all about?
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Comfort eating and ya know after 17 months only just started cooking for myself again a bit more ! Just couldnt cook for ages ! Didnt want to and couldnt see the point. X
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That’s me…
Sandwiches, toast and jam, crisps, chocolate, wine…
Used to be treats, now it’s just normal 
Nigel and I used to cook together at weekends… we’d choose a country and cook a recipe from there and it was all a bit of an adventure…talking about the place, the food, whether we’d add it to places to visit…
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My husbands funeral was 3 weeks ago, and I got a new black dress, and painted on a smile, I am not ashamed to say I was full of diazepam and drinking wine on the day ! not ideal I know, but without it I would of looked a total nut case! To the outside world I was “dealing” with it better than I thought,! my boss was at the funeral , and probably thought I appeared Ok as I was informed " it would probably be best for me to return to work"! I was then signed off for another 4 weeks, I return to work 10th June and it fills me with dread, I can not concentrate , I don’t even know my own name at times!
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Im back on Monday.
I had a phone call today… HR return to work conversation.
I knew she was phoning. I was walking back from the shops and said i will talk while im walking.
She said NO you will have to have another time and she has informed employer?? WTF?? Apparently its a half an hour talk… about what?? On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you that your husband died?? Really no need!
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WTAF! Its what i say when asked " how are you " I answer cartwheeling down the road with no knickers on" singing oh what a beautiful morning “! Honestly losing your partner is the most hideous thing ever! I manager I was lucky I actually trained her up when she was 17, she went on to do a degree and is now 42, She knew me and Nick from the start of our relationship, she brought my son into icu, to see Nick as he didn’t want to come alone, she also came and sat with me in the early hours of the morning after Nick and passed at the hospital as I didn’t want to leave Nick. We went for a walk the other day and we talked about my return to work, and how it would be phased, etc and how I wouldn’t to and “being in charge” shifts for a while etc, because as for asking " now how do you feel”! she honestly knows, I am going to Jersey on Monday with my son should of been Nick, i will be thinking of you returning to work, as it will be me the week after. x
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I dont know this HR lady… outside company??
My work colleagues are lovely.
Ive let the senco know what had happened.
I really dont understand why i couldn’t walk home talking to her?? Why does it have to be half an hour on the phone, in my house?? I mean what can you say for half an hour?
Grrrr 
Try and have a nice time in Jersey… im sure there will be tears but have a good relax too xx
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Oh @MandyC15 your workplace sounds awful! Do they not realise you’ve been through and are still going through the most awful loss imaginable. I have had “the chat” and am gradually returning. Work is a mixed blessing distracting but hard when things don’t go right or I feel emotional. They have treated me well as an organisation although there are several people who are clearly avoiding me and my grief. I don’t blame them I wish I could avoid it too!
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That’s bonkers Mandy! Even if it is about a half hour chat, what right does she have to refuse to talk to you just because you are out walking? If you are happy with that she should have gone along with it.
But I guess we have to keep telling ourselves to take a deep breath and go with the flow, because getting worked up isn’t going to help. I know I feel terribly thin skinned ever since this loss knocked me sideways. I get tearful at the drop of a hat but also angry. It’s probably as well I’m not driving much cos I feel I’d be susceptible to road rage!
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I cant remember anything from work, not even the teachers last names.
Ill have to write everything down.
God this HR thing has thrown me!
I popped into work for a couple of hours last week. It was lovely to see the students and other TAs.
Two steps forward and one back!!
Exactly! Xx
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