I feel so vulnerable

Sadly my beautiful wife died 3 weeks ago. She tested negative for Covid and will be considered as an indirect death. Cold words to describe such a warm and loving woman.
I am disabled and my wife was the one person who always made sure that I was OK.
I know that it is still very early but I miss her so much. I also know that when the lock down is over I will find new ways to cope. What I don’the know is will this feeling of vulnerability ever pass? Is it part of grieving?

Morning Lee so sorry to see that you lost your beautiful wife. I also lost my lifelong partner 4 weeks ago, it doesn’t get any easier but we learn to live with it. It’s really early days for you and you’ll feel every emotion don’t stop the tears please talk to friends, family we all feel vulnerable it’s natural. Everyday comes with different emotions every min. Try out into writing how you are feeling like a diary write everything down, I haven’t I’ve just took pics of myself as I’ve lost so much weight. This lockdown is horendous doesn’t help us at all. Your not on your own this is an amazing site lots of lovely supportive people who we can relate too as we are all grieving for our loved ones. Always here stay safe xx

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Hi. Lee. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I’m sure we all are, but welcome to the site where no one wants to be, but which is such a Godsend.
Four weeks is so little time. Time is the big factor in all this grief. Some find times drags and wish it would speed up. Others find it flashes by and often find it difficult to keep up with it. You will find there is no fixed way to grieve. It all depends on how you see things. Rules and ways do not apply at all. You will grieve in your own way and you should be allowed to.
Being disabled obviously does not help, and the present situation makes it all worse.
Being vulnerable is so often an emotion we have to deal with. We often grasp at straws in the hope of relief. But if we can accept the process and know it will ease given time then maybe, just maybe, we can see that very faint light at the end of the tunnel. Take care. I hope you have some help for whatever your condition is. We are here and all good listeners so come back whenever. Blessings. John.

Alex
Thank you. My skills at coping with life changing events have become well honed over the years, but the death of my wife has really hit me hard. When the lock down ends I will be able to celebrate her life with friends and family but, for now I have to just survive day to day.

Aw hi Lee yes of course that will be lovey to celebrate your beautiful wife’s life, it’s so hard with this lockdown that we couldn’t celebrate our loved one’s life be together as a family. I’m just surviving day to day how I don’t know but we do find the strength (must be my fiance sprinkle some kind of strength dust down on me) xx

Alex
You can find the strength within yourself. It comes down to a decision that you have control of either give up or find a way to keep going. Once you’ve decided not to give up you will start to develop credit each day, goal, or achievement that you reach. You can then draw on this. I’m sure that your fiancee is looking down but you have the strength the decision is yours to make.

Alex
I just re-read my last post and I hope that I didn’t upset or offend you. I’m sorry if I did. Please, my intention was to encourage you. I hope you are ok.

Aw no Lee not at all it is a lovely post so true we have the strength within us don’t we sometimes we need to drag it out of us. We have to we have to look after ourselves mentally don’t we. I’m never giving up I’m not a quitter make sure you try stay strong x

Alex
It gladdens my heart to hear you say that. You sound like you are going to find a way. What are your plans for celebrating your Fiancee? Are you having a celebration service? I am trying to organise a memorial Picnic Table for my ex wife. She would have liked the thought of people sitting together, talking, and maybe enjoying a glass of wine together.

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Aw that’s such a lovely thing to do I’m not sure yet as I’m not organising it shame like but I’m going to do my own for my friends. I have to find a way I’m lucky I’ve got my job to keep me busy aswell xx

Were all too young to be losing our partners and our partners were too young life’s so unfair :broken_heart::broken_heart:

You’re still working, wow! I can only manage to work in the mornings as I have to make all of the arrangements for my wife in the afternoon. Respect to you. Still work does give a bit of structure to the day. At first I was just rattling around the house, lost, as I’m sure you were. I hope that you and your friends can come up with an idea for a suitable tribute.

Aw Lee that’s the hardest part making arrangements have you got children to help you xx

Bless you. Its not right and its never going to be right. You should be planning and building your lifes together.

I know and you to Lee x

Friday was the anniversary of our engagement. I miss her so much. I remember starting out and all of the excitement. Now I am planning her funeral.

Aw Lee :cry: I’m so so sorry it’s all still very raw for you and early days do you have children and family that can support you x

Life is not fair at all mine is 4 weeks and when I’m feeling really low I make myself remember all the fun times we had it’s hard but I have to x

My wife had a son from a previous relationship, although I raised him as my own. He has just turned 27. He has been helping me out, but he’s grieving too. How about you?

This site is amazing everyone is so supportive I’d be totally lost without it there are lots of other topics have a scroll through its amazing x