The day didn’t start well - the gardener had a hissy fit and quit. Genuinely, I can’t work out why.
Then I went back to sorting out my husband’s clothes and I have just cried non-stop. Either I remember when we bought something together or the Christmas I gave something to him or an event where he wore a particular shirt etc etc
I get that they are only things. I really do. But today I’ve felt as bad as when he first died - 2 months, 2 weeks and 4 days ago.
I don’t have any family apart from a cousin. My friends have their lives and they seem to think that I’m doing terribly well and managing. But my best friend’s gone and I’m lost.
Dear layna I think you are doing well. The first three months for me were the most painful and difficult to get through. Yesterday I spent most of the day crying as it was nine months since my love died. I thought I was going to be ok but as the day went on I felt I was at the beginning of my grief again. I hope you feel stronger tomorrow and your spirits are lifted
Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
I’m so sorry that you lost your husband. I know the feeling. My husband died 2 years ago and it’s still hard to get through some days. Like you I have no family either except 2 cousins in NY that only talk to me on the phone when I pay for it. It helps to keep busy. My husband had lung cancer and I was his care giver. So a lot of things got neglected in the house when I was taking care of him. Now I have a lot to do which helps take my mind off of my loneliness. Since your gardener quit, you may have a lot to do also. Try and establish a daily routine. Fix breakfast, make the bed, dust, vacuum etc. It gives a purpose to the day. I found that very helpful. And frankly, there is only me now to fill the car with gas, get it repaired, buy the groceries, pay the bills etc. It’s good that you are sorting your husband’s clothes. The less physical memories you have to run into every so often and makes you feel bad, the better. Not the pictures. Keep all of those.
One thing that has helped me is prayer. God has been there for me as he was there for my husband and I when we were going through his having lung cancer. I’m so glad that I have God and Jesus and all the angels! My prayers get answered and these days I really need that. I’ll say a prayer for you also.
If you need to talk, I have plenty of time. I wish you the best.
Hi Layna, i’m struggling to sort out the house too. Its so painful having the times we spent come back, i cry a lot too. I was planning on moving before Mandy died so that is still going ahead. Take care
@layna Hi Lanya! Sorry you have to deal with all this, you’ll find another gardener! It is very difficult to sort clothes, and no need to do it immediately if it is too painful.
After 9 years, most of my husband’s things are finally gone. Taking pictures, helps to preserve the memories
Your loss is still fresh and raw, and like many of us here, you are virtually alone, but you will find yourself, just not yet.
One day, one minute at a time! Take care of yourself, love yourself. You have to be your own best friend.
Oh, Tom, I’m so sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Sending hugs to you too.
Dear Snowy You sound like a lady with purpose! I have to get out of bed to feed the cats. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d bother some days. Like you, I wasn’t on top of things - I was my husband’s carer too. I prioritised - pay the bills, make sure there’s food etc. I thought I was getting back on top of things but today, I’ve just lost it.
Dear Zani We were going to move too. We had such plans! I’m still moving but not to the same house, so I have to sort out my husband’s belongings; there’s no logic to packing them all up and moving them to the other end of the country! I’m just keeping a few things. Well, maybe a lot of things. I hope your move goes well.
Hi Cindy Thank you for your kind words. You give me hope that I’ll get through this and come out the other side. The trouble is that I just see this huge emptiness in front of me and I have no idea how I’m going to fill it.
So, tomorrow, I’m going to try to put on my ‘big girl pants’ and do better. Thank you, all of you for jumping in and helping. Night night xxx
Dear layna it can’t be easy for you moving. Having to sort through all your loved ones things is tough. I hope you find some comfort posting here. It has been an blessing for especially as I live alone, it’s a way of not go crazy. Being able to talk to people who have gone through or are going through the same suffering has helped enormously
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hi I m so sorry for your loss, I still haven’t gone through my partner’s clothes yet and, I m now a year into losing him. It was his first anniversary yesterday. To other people it’s just clothes but to us they’re full of memories. You’re very early on in grief clear out his things at your own pace. It’s such a hard road we’re on now . Take care
My beautiful, beloved wife Fanny passed in August 2025 and I’m still holding onto her clothes.
With the help of my daughter-in-law they will be passed on to family and friends, to ladies who will appreciate those tasteful, beautiful clothes.
I couldn’t pass it to some “Charity-shop”, I’ve seen how that clientele behaves and treats items, plain disgusting, just made me wish to get out of there right away.
God’s blessings to all of you!
Here’s my introduction to this wonderful site, just to give everyone a better idea who I am:
So sorry that you are having a day of it. I can’t even begin to think how hard it is as the journey goes forward without our loved ones. I can’t bear to sort through my husband’s belongings… too soon. He’s only been gone 6 weeks and it’s only now just hit me. The realisation that life will never be the same again.
Hi Layna, I think your move will be a good thing overall, but getting to that point will be tough. Bereavement and moving house are among the most difficult things to do on their own, never mind together.
I’ve almost finished sorting Mandy’s things, but it’s very tough. Memories of her come to me and I’m all teary, asking for her to come back.
there is no need to rush yourself.
Every single item belonging to your beloved Mandy does bring memories and does trigger copious tears.
Mandy is, just in a different fashion, still right at your side and she’s looking out for you from Heaven.
At a later time the both of you will be reunited for all eternity.
So sorry for your loss and fully understand your tears whilst sorting through your husband’s clothes. It’s very early days for you and I know exactly what you are going through. Be kind to yourself, rest when you can as grieving is exhausting both mentally and physically. Getting over tired I found brought me down further. Also try to keep busy although I know at the beginning I couldn’t concentrate on anything and just wasn’t interested in doing anything.
It will be two years tomorrow since I lost my husband and I’m not sure how I will get through the day. I am coping better now but still shed many tears and still carry the heartache, I think I always will.
Cindy