@sandi
I could have written those words as you have described perfectly how my husband would have been had he lost me so it had to be this was for us.
Those of us with a faith which tells us we will be with our loved ones again are lucky to have that I think. I know it sustains me and I honestly don’t know how I would be coping without it.
@JaneD fascinating about what you were told by the medium.
@Carol9 & @Karetired - yes, talk to him regularly and @Karetired such lovely words. We were lucky to have had that level of love.
Hi @Merle. I’m so dreadfully sorry for your loss. Coming up to five months since I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly. The first couple of months we only had ‘stable’ days or ‘bad’ days. Only now are we starting to have ‘good’ days. You’re so right when you say that sometimes you can hardly breathe for the pain. I cry so much sometimes I have to stop just to catch my breath! You’re also right about you sister-in-law. You have enough on your plate just coping with your grief at the moment. You must just look after yourself. We would have celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary in July. Sometimes I still can’t take in that he’s not here anymore. It seems so unreal. Love and strength to you. Jean xx.
Hello Jean thank you for your supportive words and just for responding. My sincerest condolences, thoughts and hugs to you…Robin and I were inseperable two peas in a pod…he died the day before our 38th Wedding Anniversary, we were together for almost 45 years. I have been at rock bottom this week slowly coming back up through layers and degrees of sadness…its almost 2am I decided not to take my sleeping tablet sitting here listening to music, typing my reply and wishing I’d just taken the silly tablet…no children and we were always fine with that but now i wonder if we should have persevered with treatment and agreed to the IVF…would I be less lonely now. 10 weeks and …i guess I’m looking forward to some good days.
Stay strong and again thank you xxx
Merle.
Im so sorry for you. I understand what you are saying. I am also awake in the witching hour. I was addicted to sleeping tablets years ago and have managed to only have 3 since my Husband died… mostly i can get back to sleep but tonight i have other worries going on.
Its 5 months for me now and i can honestly say for me it is now a little easier.
I too had fertility problems so understand that pain. I did have medical help and after 10 years was blessed with a Son and then 6 years later with a Daughter. I love them to bits but i still feel i am grieving alone (they wernt my Mikes kids) its harsh and i feel when you have lost a partner particularly a soul mate, its a journey you are on by yourself.
I wish you peace and strength
You will feel a little better as the weeks go past. In the early weeks you are still in shock and your body is crying out for your normal life. In time your new normal is more normal, if you know what i mean.
If you like animals i recommend getting a cat or a dog. I got a 2 kittens and they need me every day. I walk around talking to them, to myself and also to Mike all day long.
Just little steps and you will get there.
Jx
@Merle I am sorry for your loss. I too am 5 months in like @JaneD and @Jean8 and would agree with everything they say. It starts to stabilise a bit and you start making new memories but you can still be ambushed as I was today. The loneliness is inside of you. It is the hole left by the loss of your Robin and you will feel it however many people surround you and no matter how close you are to them. I hope you start to find a little peace and sleep. Hugs xx
Hi @Merle
Really sorry you are suffering from this terrible loss. Totally understand the not being able to breathe for the tears, and the disbelief that this is real. I lost my darling fit, strong and seemingly healthy 60 year old husband almost a year ago. I am going through a difficult patch now with many significant dates over the next two months but generally life is a lot easier.
There is no linear pattern to this and often it seems to get worse before it’s better as the reality sinks in. For me, like @Jean8, @JaneD and @Mike75 there are certainly better days - in fact good days.
I think once we have accepted what has happened is real, which can be a huge hurdle, another important thing is finding purpose in life. I am lucky, in that purpose has been thrust upon me, since Richard worked so hard his boots are hard to fill when it comes to looking after the land, house and garden but even more is that I have a daughter with a learning disability who is a long way from independent so needs a lot of input from me.
I do hope you have good friends around who will be there to support you but you also will find new friends on here who will do that; I certainly have.
This is not a journey we can rush along in any way trying to get through ‘stages.’ It is probably with us for ever BUT less all consuming and more gentle as time passes.
@JaneD no you’re not losing your marbles😀. I talk to David. I tell him what’s been going on with the kids and grandchildren. When I go to bed at night I always say ‘hello honeychops, just me and you again’. I think we all go slightly mad anyway when we’re grieving. It’s our body’s way of coping.
I’m right there with you, I just want to go to sleep and see my love and never have to lose her again. I was married for 20yrs before jen and divorce broke me, in fact I said I would never marry again, I had my 3 daughters 2 had left home but the youngest was only 10, so looking after her helped. I then fell in love with a beautiful woman who I fell totally and madly in love with her and eventually she wore me down and after 2 years together, I finally agreed to marry her and never looked back or regretted once, We were so happy for 19 wonderful years. Then to lose her so suddenly to a heart attack after emergency services refused her an ambulance. I’m angry, no I’m incensed I’m burning up with anger and grief, she could still be alive today if I could have gotten her to the hospital. I want to sue them, I want to talk to the woman who refused me the ambulance and tell her she killed my wife. I just want her back here now. So yes I’m right there with you, but first I want to fight the emergency services for failing to do their job!
@Jacney My heart aches for you. You do need some answers. Of course it won’t change your circumstance, but maybe if you can get the specifics it could prevent this awful incompetent occurrence from happening to someone else.
We are all on a long heartbreaking, agonizing journey. The one consultation is this site provides support and understanding.
Karen
I have been blessed with good friends and feel loved and supported but they are not with you when the lights go out…last week i was at Rock Bottom and feeling wretched and a week later i feel fine again…the roller coaster of grief
Hello Moi1. Sadly all that you say is how I feel. My partner was a very chatty person and we talked about anything and everything. Now when I speak to him the silence is soul-destroying. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being alone or not having him in my life.
I thought I was doing well one day at a time , still crying but managing to hide it from others . Found out Saturday evening that they had had a mass for mart back in his home town of Ireland ( after they recieved the pouches of ashes I sent to each household. I was told they decided I wasn’t important to them to be there or to let me know !! I’ve been with mart for 16 years and cared for him for last 5 years off and on when in treatment for pancreatic cancer . I feel like he’s just died again I’m heartbroken , they were never here to help us , now told me that after the mass I arranged for them here in wales on the day of his funeral , then went to chapel of rest for a celebration of life ( marts wishes) that all I did was put on a show !! I don’t understand them , they are cruel , it’s like other peoples feelings don’t count , not the kindest catholics I’ve ever met . Mart was so different from them . I feel shattered , like I’ve done everything wrong , I dint want to feel like they have taken him from me xx
It is soul destroying. In your heart you know you have done your best. Matt also knows this and he is the only one that matters. Sending you a huge hug x
@martju: there are no words for how cruel and sad this is. And they claim to be people of faith! You just need to walk away and cherish the memories you have.
I have an older brother and sister-in-law that I don’t speak to anymore. Right after my beloved husband died 8mos and 20 days ago, I reconned with my brother for a few phone conversations. We had not spoken for several years. The conversations were fine. Then all of a sudden I haven’t heard from him for a couple of months. And his wife, never spoke with her, she never acknowledged his death. Granted we have never been “best friends”, but her lack of acknowledgement hit me to the core. That is something I will never forget or forgive. I decided enough is enough, no more. As if the pain of our grief isn’t enough!
Let’s pile on a little more pain. So just leave them behind.
Gain your strength from the love you shared.
Peace and love, Karen
Thankyou all of you , saw a counsellor today who said cut them off , they have guilt issues for never visiting in the 16 years he was here , i think i wanted acknowledgment of our relationship but it will never given from them , she explained that especially in some Catholic families it’s a legacy for one person to have control and they didn’t have that with him and me , but now he’s gone they can be cruel . I’ve blocked them all , just me and him now but the pain and grief is like he’s just died again xx take care all , one day at a time xx
That is the right response leave them be…its a shame you sent them the ashes as i have found my husband’s ashes are very precious to me…I’ve had one of those sad crying days today sorting out his papers…one of my sister-in-laws has not acknowledged her brother’s death at all but as you now accept that is for them to deal with when your grieving you’ve got enough on your plate…love and hugs Merle
and feel loved and supported but they are not with you when the lights go out…last week i was at Rock Bottom and feeling wretched and a week later i feel fine again…the roller coaster of grief 
