I lost my Mum 6 weeks ago and am still struggling to come to terms with the reality. I’m a nurse and having worked in a critical care area I am no stranger to death, but now I am on the other side I’m finding it hard. I stayed overnight with her before she died and I will treasure our alone time and conversation. However she told me that she didn’t want to die and would I go with her, I am finding that very difficult. I said I would, but not yet (I’m only 50! ) so she said she would wait for me. I haven’t been able to tell my dad this as I know it would break him and he is already lost without his amazing wife.
The week after mums funeral, my eldest brother got married and without her being there I just couldn’t bring myself to enjoy the day.
This week I returned to work, and although my husband has been very supportive, I think he now feels “it’s all over” and I should be normal again. How do I explain I will never be normal without my mum
Hello @Loveyoutoo ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Oh darling… partners who haven’t been through it or aren’t close with their family will never understand the loss… all you can do is communicate how you feel and do it often… dont let them think that an “ok day” means that you’re fine…
I turned 40 in August and I lost my Mum in March. I’m broken, but moving…
I can’t imagine how it must feel hearing those words from your Mum… but you were there with her to offer her comfort. Being with her (I was too… we took her last breath together) is something very special, and you were by her side… words don’t quite manage to explain.
I wrote a note to myself yesterday to not be scared of death, as I know my Mum will be waiting for me at the other end. One day we will see eachtoher again.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mum 7 weeks ago today. Same as yourself I was with her when she passed away. She passed peacefully at home I lay next to her on her two final nights.
Mum had cancer for 4 and a half years. She put up one hell of a fight. Unfortunately 6 weeks before she passed she was diagnosed with severe heart failure. Was a side effect of the cancer targeted therapy. Most people survive only a year on the treatment mum survived 4 years. She was amazing. I believe I started grieving my mum the week after she got out of hospital. The physical symptoms I had and I felt in such a low mood. Was peaceful but sudden when mum passed. I was the strong one out of all the family. Everyone processes grief differently. It’s a unique experience to us all and at the end of the day your mum is your mum-no one can replace her eh.
I was just really upset there after having a nice day with my fiancés family birthday celebrations. Just missed mum so much today as she was the life and soul of the party. I try and focus on the good times when I’m feeling down and look at a particular video on my phone that makes me smile every time because it’s just how mum was. It’s so hard at times grief. The physical symptoms as well can be tough. I do feel that it’s getting slightly easier as time is going on.
This chats help as we are all in here for the same thing x
Hi
Thanks for the reply. It sounds as if our situations are very similar. Mum had cancer 10 years ago but thankfully made a full recovery. She fell at the end of May and fractured her hip which resulted in her over all health deteriorating and she also developed heart failure. She fought for 3 months, but like u her actual death was quick. I’m having good days and bad days, but am not yet in a position to fully accept the finality of her death.
As we seem to have a lot in common, would be nice to keep talking and check how each other is doing. Hope today was a good day x
Thank u for reaching out, I really do appreciate it. I think I need to sit and have a conversation with my husband about where I’m at. Not sure he will “hear” me, but I think I need to try. Went for a walk this afternoon and tried to just still my mind. Not sure that being back at work is helping, but it’s early days.
Hope today was a good day for you x
I lost my mam 4 weeks tommorrow , and Felt every word you said. I wish i could take your pain away , i really could as I know what your going through
It’s worth a try, even if he doesn’t fully hear you. I hope he does.
What do you do for work?
I’ve been back since June, I was signed off from March onwards. It’s helped a lot but I also feel very out of place and alienated. Which is odd as I’m a personable and bright person at work usually… but just take it day by day. Don’t rush yourself into being “back to normal”.
I’m nearly 5 months back to work and feel like I’ve no idea what I’m doing! 
I lost my Mum 6 weeks ago all i do is cry the pain is unreal i dont know how to cope
I feel the same about my mum, she was really poorly for a ling time but was always fighting, last 8wks was hell. She didnt have cancer, she died from copd heart attack and diabetes, she also had vasulcar dementia exasperated a milkion percent by the heart attack, it blew what was lwft of her mind, she was childlike, dillusional, scared, abusive, she lost so much weight she was down to 4.5 stone. She wouldnt accwpt she was so poorly, nor did the hospital twll us how bad was til last 28hrs, they qere trying make plans for her to come home with support, she passed away alone, they told us she had a few more days left in her few hrs before. She didnt know and we didnt tell her she dying, i think somewhere inside she knew, she came back someqhat kissed my hand and arm up and down saying i love you i cant help it.
I know she is gone i saw her i her coffin worat experience of my life ahe looked awful, we planned her funeral, i carried her coffin, but i still cant get in my head she is gone despite spreading her ashes, feeling her grains of bone fall tjeough my fingers into the sea, i dont know what to do or.how to help my brain accept she is gone gone, still feeling like ahe on a trip.to hoapital and will come home again
I feel so sad for you as im going through the same the hardest bit for me is i am never going to see her again people tell me time will heal but feels like it is getting worse . I had the most wonderful Mum and i keep telling myself how lucky i was to have this much love for her and her me not many people get this. You must feel the same or you would not be writing on here perhaps we can help each other because we are suffering the same pain
Thank you for your support. I’m a nurse. I worked for over 20 years on coronary care unit, but moved Ito practice nursing at a GP surgery 4 years ago. I had 6 weeks off, but as they don’t pay me when I don’t work, I sort of had to go back. The Drs don’t give a stuff, not even a “how are you, welcome back “ but my manager has been very supportive.
I just can’t get my head around the finality of never seeing her again, but I’m just doing me, one day at a time 
I agree it’s hard to accept. Like u I know she has gone, but because I visited her in hospital every day I can almost fool myself that she is still there. I’m sure acceptance will come, but at the moment I don’t fully understand how I do that. I’m so glad your mum had some clarity and was able to say she loved you, I’m sure she knew how much you loved her too. Strip back the dementia and remember your beautiful mum was still there on the inside xx
It would be really lovely if we could help each other im so sorry for the pain you are living x
It was hit amd miss with her im glad we had them nice moments , the rest were awful x
I live over an hr away with a child so couldnt be there all the time it broke me, wanting to be there but qith hands tied, and when it all happenned i kept my child off achool moved back home for a week and got fined feom the school! I appealed did no good, wasnt the fine for me was the principle of the matter! I hope you find peace soon, im searching for it myslef dont know how or where theough x
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a month ago to stage 5 kidney failure. Even though I knew that she was on her way I still wasn’t prepared for her passing. From being put on end of life care she lasted 2 weeks and I sat with her the whole time and watched her take her last breath. She didn’t say that she didn’t want to die but she did ask for me to hold her hand but let her go. I asked her to show me a sign after she’d passed and she promised that she would. I miss her so much and my world has fell apart so I know how you are feeling. Sending love
Hi Aden
Nothing prepares you does it. 
I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling, I think everyone of us can feel your sadness. At the moment I am just putting one foot in front of the other. I’m back to work, but smiling at patients all day and pretending that I’m ok is exhausting. It’s good. To know that we can come to this forum and off load. Hear to listen if u need a sympathetic ear x
Hi @Loveyoutoo
I just can’t do it, I have been off sick since mam collapsed at home on 23rd July, long story, but she passed in 14th august, I am a patient facing dental receptionist &the thought just scares me, sooo heartbroken not to have her with her me xx
i want mine back to sometimes i feel my life is not worth living . But i know it would break her heart me having these thoughts . I am living through her i talk to her all the time but nice things which make me laugh then i see her smile you are not alone i wish i could hug you xxx