It’s been a forever kind of day but I have coped ok thank you, I hope you have too?
I managed to eat a M&S Turkey dinner for one and it was really nice. First time I have managed a full meal as I have just been eating small amounts. My friend popped in with some flowers and present and that was a lovely surprise, especially as it’s a new friendship, it was so nice to have her company. I am learning a lot about people during this roller coaster ride and I need to make a lot of changes in who I choose to be with. The kindest people through all this have been those I hardly know or strangers.
As expected I haven’t heard anything from family. I am starting to see this now as a blessing in disguise.
Tina, how alike we are! I too have been keeping a journal but I am being careful not to become over focused on it because it can cause more distress. It sometimes is difficult to know what to do for the best so I try to just go with the flow.
Dad also had kidney disease and yes it was all a balancing act, they pumped him full of diuretics which caused problems with his potassium, they sorted that and then it was low sodium then high blood sugar. He was on endless antibiotics and in the end I could see no improvement and dad was now bedridden and delirious, I had been pestering them daily when you could actually find a Dr or senior nurse and told them to stop the medication as they were only prolonging his life and his quality of life is more important. 3 weeks before dad was admitted his mind was razor sharp for his age of 80 and he was decorating & painting his lounge and hall to have to then witness this deterioration. It was so undignified and my dad was a strong, determined independent man and if he wasn’t coming out how he was when he went in and minus the odema then I know I made the right decision.
Dad underwent heart surgery only 4 months before, he had his aorta valve replaced via a TAVI and everyone assured us it was successful and all his ecg’s and echo’s were all fine and dad was recovering ok (although my dad did say he had his doubts about it)? My dad was always right so I think it had contributed but even so still a shock.
I know what you must have gone through and my heart goes out to you because nobody can tell you with CHF what is the next step.
Death should be a dignified process not a chaotic gruesome finale where nobody knows what to expect! I am still so angry about it all but I am also relieved my dad is at peace now and no more health worries and hospitals. I take my biggest comfort from his peace and that is what keeps me going.
I would love to private email you Tina and please let me know how your day has been and that you are ok xx