I lost my beautiful soulmate

I lost my partner/soulmate on 7th May. He was just 58 and passed away so suddenly. I’m so heartbroken. He was my best friend. We works, lived and socialised together. We were so happy and had been together for 12 years. I can’t even get out of bed. I feel so lonely without him. I have never felt pain like this. I don’t know how to begin to mend.

So sorry Geri. If you are unable right now to get up and do things be kind to yourself and give it time. We are all different as many others have said here. Could you set yourself one task for later today or tomorrow? It does take your mind off the pain briefly I have found. I’m hoping you have family/friends to give you support right now. I have tried to focus on what my Peter would have done should this have happened in the reverse he was far stronger in character then I am. Talk to your love and see if you can work out what he would have done. My loss was very sudden too, I know its so difficult when we have never discussed or even remotely expected this. Please keep posting, let us know, there are many of us sharing this. Best wishes xxxxxx

Thank you so much for your kind words Billie. I do have my daughters as support. I have not been alone at night since Steve passed away. I’m finding it so hard to accept he’s gone. I found him on the floor and tried desperately to revive him but it was too late. We worked together, lived and socialised together. We had the same group of friends. All couples. I can’t bear to be around them now The life we had just stopped. Thank you again x

Hi Geri, I am so sorry for your loss its still extremely raw and the fact you have reached out even if its just this community is a positive step.

I lost my husband very suddenly in 2003 at the age of 26 he too was my soulmate and we did everything together so I do understand how you are feeling right now. Take it hour by hour and if there is anyone you can talk to it really does help. Do you have children or family/friends around you?

As Billie has said keep posting as there are so many people who are going through this, also post about your memories together on here if thats easier for you

My heart goes out to you both, keep posting x

Hi infinity

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes I do have support from my daughters, who have been taking turns to stay with me through out the day and night. I’m very blessed in that respect. I will keep posting as it makes me feel that I’m not alone. Also, i don’t want to burden them too much, as I know my children are grieving as they loved Steve dearly. He had been in their lives for 12 years they had an amazing relationship with them. We are all so broken. Its just so heartbreaking. I know Steve wouldn’t want me to be like this, but I have no control over my feelings. I adored and loved him so much. We always thought we would grow old together and really looked forward to our future together. Life is so so cruel xx

Aww life is so very cruel and you will continue to ask yourself why, I still do to this day.
I am so pleased you have your 2 daughters around, I really don’t think you are a burden it seems they need your support as much as you needs theirs.

If your daughters are happy to take turns in staying with you let them continue to do so until you are ready as they are what you need more than ever right now

Take care and keep posting xx

Hi Geri I am sorry for the loss of your partner. I am glad I reached out on here because sometimes if I’m feeling low and I can come on here and put how I feel without thinking I am going to be worrying family. My hubbie passed when he was 63 suddenly. He was supposed to be picking me up from work and I didnt think anything because there had been nothing really wrong with him just being out of breath but we thought that was to do with the beta blockers he was taking since his heart attack in 2009 but it appears he had an enlarged heart everything else was fine. Arteries, liver, kidneys. The paramedic said he wouldnt have felt anything. He had dropped our son off at the dentist a couple of hours earlier and said he would see him at the weekend. Came home put the tea in the oven made himself a cup a soup went on the laptop and went. The waves will come and hit you for ages I’m sorry to say. Different days will have you reacting in different ways. One day okay then a week of crying but its the grief we all go through. Last week I cried all day and night and Phil died on the19th of January this year but sometimes emotions seem to knock you off for your feet. I wish I could say something to help but I cant think of one thing. Talk to him like you used to. I do this all the time and I have been told that Phil is listening. Our daughter got married in April and we felt Phil there. It was emotional but great day and I know Phil was walking our Hayley down the aisle with us. Big hugs x

Hi Coleen thank you for replying to my post. I’m so glad I have reached out to this community full of lovely people, sadly going through the same pain as I am.
Its so more comforting because you genuinely know what I’m feeling.
I’m so sorry for you for the loss of Phil. I sincerely mean that
My Steve was a beautiful man, everyone loved him who met him. He was my soulmate we spent almost every moment of the day together. We worked together lived and socialised together. I don’t actually know life outside my relationship with Steve. We had been on a short break for my birthday to Spain the place we both loved. We planned a trip back in July to look for a property for our semi retirement. We came home on the 5th May so excited that we finally going to do it.
We had a wonderful Saturday together. We went to bed. I found Steve on the floor, I tried to give him chest compressions but it was too late. That’s when my world ended
I’m not dealing with it all too well. Thank you for reaching out Coleen xxx

Hi infinity

Thank you for reaching out to me. It really does mean so much when people understand what your going through.

My daughters have been so good. I am genuinely blessed that I have their support.
Thank you again xx

Hi Geri how sad. It makes me want to cry. Why can life be so cruel. I am trying meditation to try and regulate my breathing because I get anxious. I am going to bed early because probably like everyone else I haven’t slept very well. I dreamt last night that Phil came back but I think he’s letting me know he’s there. I hope keep straight on the rocky road ahead but if you fall Steve will be there to help you up x

Hi Coleen

I wish I could dream about Steve just so he can tell me he’s OK.
My daughter phoned my doctor 2 weeks ago because she was so worried about me. He prescribed sleeping tablets and antidepressants. The sleeping tablets help me sleep for about 4 hours which I’m thankful for. I’ve never taken this sort of medication before, but I’ve accepted I need some help.

Its so hard to get through the day, but you know that all too well.
Thank you for listening Coleen xx

Hi Geri the first I dreamt Phil was here and woke expecting it to be a dream and I realised I cried my eyes out all day but last night’s was comforting. I’m not saying that next time I won’t cry my eyes out again because this is all new territory for us all and we have to get through it anyway we can. Yes we will cry and friends will say are you feeling any better and I just say I hate it with a passion. I will never ever get over it is will just learn to take the day as it comes. Friends don’t like to see you upset but it’s not about them it’s about you, me and anyone who is suffering. I had been with Phil for nearly 40 years. I was hoping for another 20 years at least but you always think it will happen to someone else. Anytime you want a chat just pm me. Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to respond because I work full time and I make sure my dad’s OK xx

Thank you Coleen. That’s really kind of you. It really is comforting to know that people really understand your pain xx

No problem. We all have to help each other. Unfortunately every day there will be new people on here. We are all so different but very much alike because we’ve lost a loved one. I am going to try and sleep that meditation was very relaxing. Will probably be wide awake now x

Hi Geri, I’m so sorry for your loss. My soulmate has been gone a year and I still have days where the pain is near unbearable. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, your loss was very recent and will still be raw.
I still haven’t sorted “stuff”, but do you know what ? There is no time limit. I may never be able to sort it. We had no children so my nieces and nephews will have to deal with it when I’m gone. The emotional attachment won’t be there for them as it is for me.
I’m not sure I even want to stay in this house, or town. Wherever I go I will take my darling with me. The one thing that makes me hesitate is that I don’t make friends easily as I’m painfully shy. My world revolved around my other half, everything I did was to make her happy.
Try to be kind to yourself, the bad days will always be there but the good days will come along. God bless.

Hi Toby9jack

Thank you so much for reaching out to me.

I’m so sorry for you for the loss of your soulmate, its so heartbreaking when your lives are truly as one and everything you have done you did for each other.

The kind words and support from the people on this community site gives me the strength to keep going. We are all going through the same tragic loss, We truly understand how each of us are feeling.
My daughter took me back to my doctors today to increase my medication. I just sat there crying, I was so distraught trying to explain how I was feeling. I was really taken back when the doctor said, I can’t imagine how you feel!!! No you don’t unless your going through this hell. I realise they are only human, unless you have felt this pain you will never really understand.
I’m back in my bed now, I couldn’t wait to get back home. I’m trying not to be hard on myself, I know its all still very raw. And so painful.
I’m sorry you feel unsure about your house anymore. I have had the same thoughts. But It frightens me to think of trying to start again in a strange place. I personally need some familiarity at the moment, but who knows how we feel in 6 months time…
I really hope life gets better for you. Please don’t hesitate to message me or pm me. We are all here to help each other.
Take care xx

Hi Geri
I’m very sorry you have lost your husband. My husband died at the end of January. He had been ill with cancer so in some ways I was prepared. We, like you and your husband, lived, worked and socialised with each other. We had a wonderful relationship and looked forward to our retirement and growing old together. Every day for me is different. I try to keep busy, my children like yours have been very supportive. Try not to look to far ahead and just take each day as it comes. I try to go out each day for some fresh air it makes me feel a little better. I won’t tell you that you will get used to it, I haven’t. But try to look back on your happy times. Big hugs x

Hi Alison, thank you for replying to my post. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. It is comforting to know that such kind people, going through the same awful pain can reach out to you.

I am struggling so much at the moment, I feel so helpless. Steve looked after everything. including me, nothing was ever too much trouble for Steve we just wanted to make each other smile, we were so happy. I never imagined I would lose him at just 58 years old. We had so many plans. I still can’t accept it.
I truly don’t know life outside Steve. It really frightens me to think I’m alone now without my beautiful soulmate.

Most days I just stay in bed crying.
I pray that over time, this awful pain will get a little easier to cope with.
It just has too!!!
Thank you so much for your kind message xx

Hi Geri1961
So sorry for the loss
I too lost my partner soulmate best friend suddenly on March 17th this year aged just 42 he died from bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had
I miss him like mad and can’t get used to him not being here i keep expecting him to come walking through the door it’s So hard knowing I’m never gonna see him again
Like me your still so early on in your grieving that it doesn’t matter if you spend all day in bed I do I only get up if I need to it’s just about taking time and knowing when your ready to do things please be kind to yourself

Hi LinseyMark

I’m so sorry for your loss .of your partner/ soulmate. It makes me so sad when people you love are taken so young. My heart truly breaks for you.

I think I can sadly say, that I feel the pain you are going through. Its incredibly heart breaking, to think, that we were both so happy with are soulmates, then our happiness, is just ripped away from us so cruelly.
I just don’t understand how life can be so cruel. It can take a life tine to find your soulmate, the only person who makes your life complete. Its so heartbreaking.

I also imagine Steve walking through the door. I look out of the window and see his work van still parked on the drive. I sometimes tell myself that he’s at the pub in the village and will be home soon.
It is so hard to tell yourself they won’t be coming back.

Again, I’m still in bed, its the only way I can get through another painful day.
I ask myself what did we do to deserve this. Steve loved life so much, he touched so many peoples lives, with his jokes and his kindness. He would do anything for any body he was such a selfless person. Why do we lose the good ones.

Thank you for talking about your soulmate Linsey. It is comforting to know we are not alone. Take care xxx

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