I’m still in such disbelief. I feel like he is away on a trip or something. For the most part I’m ok, but there are those days where something triggers it for me and I break down and cry for hours. I haven’t really done much just have been at home. I feel like this sense of guilt like if going out or having fun is wrong…is that suppose to happen? I don’t know anymore. Some days I just want to be left alone and hide away from the world.
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Hi Vanessa i lost my dad last December, i struggle with not hearing his voice and knowing i will never see him again, i wish I could hug again one more time, on the outside i look ok but on the inside i am screaming at the injustice of it all, i miss my dad so much
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I’m so sorry for your loss . My Dad just passed August 26 and that’s what I struggle with too. I just can’t believe I’m never going to see him or talk to him. I was always able to help him with things or problems he had going on. Like if he couldn’t get his phone to work he’d come over and say I can’t get this old stupid phone to work. Or he’d lock himself out and there I went to his rescue. It bothers me I couldn’t help him get up out of that bed.
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My dad died 6 weeks ago. He had been ill for some time, and although we were expecting it, it still shocked us all. My emotions are all over. The first 2 weeks went past in a blur as we had arrangements to make, then after the funeral it just seemed like everyone expects you to be ok? I feel guilty that I told him it was ok to rest and go to sleep, I feel angry he’s gone, I hate how the world just carries on. I’ve acted really out of character sometimes, smashing things, snapping at people, walking out of class, screaming and crying! I think of things o should have done or said, it’s all just surreal. I keep thinking I’m going to walk into my mums and he be sat there! 
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Hi Vanessa the bit about your dad and his phone made me smile also tear to my eyes, my dad would always fiddle with his phone, once i couldn’t get hold of him because he had put it on airplane mode
I understand Bekkioo, even though my dad was given months to live, the day he got his wings was so painful, i told my dad he could go as didn’t want him to suffer anymore i held his hand at the end and was glad i was there to do it, have you thought about counseling, i have started my and it helps, talking to someone who doesn’t know me, it helps me to understand my emotions and why
First time for me on anything like this. I feel like I need something else or someone else as I feel like a broken record. Sorry about the loss of your Dads. I lost mine in May this year suddenly. In the morning everything was fine and but lunchtime then next day he had gone. People in my life have been so great and supportive but months on now I feel like it’s old news but I’m still in bits. Feel like I’m not allowed to be upset anymore and maybe just over it. My husband is amazing and gives me time and space whenever I am sad but it feels pointless so I try to squash it. I don’t feel the same and never feel like I will be. I had a complex and far from perfect relationship with Dad. But we became closer and closer in the past 10 years. I am 41 with 2 kids. I feel so cross whenever I hear of someone who celebrates a birthday older than 70. He was 69. Feels so unfair and he left so early. He knows I loved him but we never had those meaningful chats I suppose you do when you expect them to go. Sorry to ramble… like I say it’s my first time. Thanks for reading….
Hi musomum, I understand about other people been supportive at first and after a while they just look at you as if to say oh hear we go again, i just want to talk about my dad, my partner has been my rock, he had a close relationship with my dad so finds it as heartbreaking as me, i am having grief counseling and it helps talking to someone who doesn’t know me please think about counseling
Thanks for your reply. That’s so hard that you are both dealing with the loss. My husband liked my Dad and is sad he is gone but he doesn’t feel it the same as me. I’ve never been one to struggle with my thoughts or mental health but this is what is difficult for me. Usually I just speak to my hubs or friends and I feel better but that doesn’t really do it. Can I ask what you get from counselling that is different from talking to a loved one or friend? I’ve never really had it, but can’t imagine how it’ll help more. X
It helps as i said counselor doesn’t know me, i find i can talk,cry if i want to which i do, they listen, ask you questions and give answers that help, i started because I lost my mum 4 months after my dad and felt quilty that i didn’t cry for my like i did for my dad, it’s because i was closer to my dad but didn’t mean i loved my mum any less
All of this is so like what I am going through. Lost my dad in July. It seems to be getting worse as times goes by. Everyone seems to have forgotten but I can’t sleep and keep having panic attacks. He was my best friend, we were so close and I can’t get my head round not being able to see him again 
Welcome spanner2411, my dad lived a 4 hr journey away, i miss his voice so much, i have started to sleep better, i still talk about my dad all of the time, he is the first person I think about when i awake and the last person I think about before going to sleep, i struggle because I can go the my mum’s grave and talk to her, my dad i kept my promise to him and took his ashes back to Scotland where I scattered then so i have no place to go and speak to him
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My dad died yesterday morning. I’m not even really sure that I’ve taken it all in. I have no idea what to do
Hi @SarahJ123 ,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are really struggling right now.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
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Hi Sarah so sorry about your dad, i felt like i didn’t know what to do but it falls in to place, the furneal director was very helpful, please reach out for help, my dad has been gone 10 months now, i still miss him and think about him every day, it’s true that his wings were ready but my heart was not, don’t bottle things up,
Thank you. Yes, the funeral director said they would guide me through everything. Just seems quite surreal yesterday and today with it being the weekend.
Just remember to take time out for yourself
Hi Sarah- the first week is so so strange. Like you are in foreign land. I cried a lot (it was in May) but my friend who lost her Dad in August was numb. Everyone is different and you just need to take each day as it comes. Some days just getting out of bed was an achievement. Other days I managed more. So sorry for your loss. It is a very horrible thing to happen. The pain is still there but you somehow manage to get from each day. Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with the right people. Sending my thoughts x
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m not really sure it feels real yet. I’ve been in a daze yesterday and today. Everything just feels really heavy. We seem to go from months, to weeks to days so quickly that I never really got chance to process each part before we got here.
I will take each day as it comes x
That is so difficult. My Dad passed suddenly so the world was one minute normal and the next turned on it’s head. It’s so so strange. I just wanted to hide in bed for a long time. Which I did. Whatever works. Sending my best best wishes. X