I lost my husband 4 weeks ago

I’ve only joined today as I’m struggling so much. I knew my husband was very poorly and had been for a number of years. I thought that when he died I’d be ok and had rehearsed it many times. But the grief is overwhelming and it’s like I’m going completely mad. The thought he has gone from me forever is the worse feeling in the world and it’s scary how it makes me feel. I’m a very in control person but this is off the scale scary. Is this how grief is? I have lots of family and friends but I feel completely alone.


I too lost my husband & soul mate 4 weeks ago. The grief is unbareable. I miss him desperately and it feels like I will never get over this. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and I feel so alone and lost without him. All I want to do is be with him forever. My family has been so supportive but unless you have been through this no one knows what it’s like. I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe and I can’t even function properly without him. All I do is cry. Life has no meaning anymore.


@Sally6 I am sorry for your loss and how you are feeling, but in answer to your question, yes this is how it is for some of us.
My wife died at the end of September having been diagnosed with cancer in Dec 20 and told at the beginning of 2023 that her treatments had failed and there was nothing else they could do.
I suffered anticipatory grief and thought I was prepared for when she died. She was in a hospice for the last 4 weeks, going catatonic but coming round with antibiotics until she decided no more, so was unconscious for the last three days.
However, when she drew her last breath and became lifeless it felt like I had been hit by a train, broken into a million pieces. Slowly I am getting better, there are still, and I suspect always will be, moments when the wave of grief crashes over me, but I am here and need to create a new normal, whilst dealing with the fact that she is not here after over 30 years together.
Be kind to yourself and take care. Try to remember the good times and the final sad ones. This site is a good place to talk to people who understand.


So sorry for your loss, I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and I think every week/ day gets worse. Interrupted sleep, not eating, have brain fog just awful. I totally get where you are coming from. Take care.

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I’m also new here I am so sorry for your loss I lost my husband in October 23 and it’s so hard still can’t face going up to bed I only feel safe in my little bubble called home but miss him so much. :broken_heart:

Thank you for replying, I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time too. It was my husbands birthday today too so been very hard. I’ve never posted anything like this before so I really appreciate your message, at least I don’t feel so alone and like you there are people around me but the isolation is awful.

Thank you so much for your reply, that means a lot and it’s strangely comforting to think I’m not going completely mad. Take care and stay strong too.

Hi Julie, thank you for your reply that means a lot. Try and stay strong and focused but I know it’s so hard, the grief is overwhelming and so hard to deal with. Xx

Thank you Pete for your reply and sharing your sad story. You hit the nail on the head about finding a new normal. It’s so hard when you don’t want a life without the person who’s passed but I guess it’s sink or swim. I hope in time I can be as strong as you have been x

Hi sally you must of had difficult day I know the feeling my husbands funeral was day before his birthday :cry: but I did still put his card up next to his picture. We just take one day at a time try to stay strong which sometimes is easier said than done. :heart:

Hi Julie that’s a lovely thing to do, yes trying to stay strong some days are better then it hits me like a brick and it makes me panic so much. Hopefully that will get better in time x

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Trust me I do not feel I have been strong but we have two adult daughters who told me I need to be around for another 27 years, a bit of a compromise as they wanted 30 but I told them I would be almost 90 by then… so I will do my best.
They both live away but keep in contact via calls and WhatsApp so I just cope with work and walking the dogs.
I have moved to where we supposed to together, as we spent the last year of her life living in her late parents’ house and I cannot face living there. So slowly building a life here.

Keep talking and remembering the good times (I left a “not” out of my last post…).
Always here for a chat… Pete

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Hi sally yes I have those moment to when I think I feel better today then I see or hear something that reminds me. :cry: but I’m sure we will get there in time :heart:

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Hello pj some days I don’t feel strong either and people around me keep telling me I’m doing so well I am to them on the outside inside is so different. I’ve been back at work par time for last month and only way I can describe it is it’s like going on stage for few hours and can’t wait to get home to my safe bubble. :heart:

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It’s a loss no one can understand unless they have been through it. I’m so sorry for your loss I really am. I know what you mean I prefer home and my bubble too although I suppose I’ll have to go back to work soon.

Take care of yourself

Hi Scot I’m so sorry for your loss it is the worse pain ever I also totally understand the brain fog and sleep is not easy I haven’t been able to go to bed since I lost my husband. We just have to take one day at a time and try our hardest to be strong. Take care :heart:

Thanks Julie it’s comforting to know we are not alone. Friends are supportive but then they go home to their husbands and yo hard left alone. I find weekends are the worst for me how do you feel?

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Hi Scot I find late evenings hard and still struggling to go up to bed my husband worked late shifts but was always here at bedtime. :broken_heart:

Hi Julie you must always be waiting for him coming home. The routine is hard to break. Might I ask had your husband been ill for a short or long time? My husband had a brain tumour and had been undergoing some form of treatment for almost 2 years although in some respects he was lucky as he had no pain until the last 2-3 days.

Good morning Scot my husband started with bad back which he thought he had done at work then it moved to middle of chest he eventually went to doctor and was told was acid reflux tablets for month but didn’t help this was in June second visit to doctor and ordered a ct so that was wait for appointment then endoscopy. Then on 12th sept I came home and he was in so much pain I took him to acute illness center and it was doctor there that went above what she should and called hospital for ct results and she told us he had lesions on liver stomach and pancreas and prescribed him morphine over the next few weeks he lost so much weight it was like watching him fade away before my eyes but I know he knew things was bad. Then on Tuesday 3rd Oct he was in pain and he wanted ambulance and went in hospital and he passed on fri 6th :cry: so from start to end was about 3 half months. :broken_heart: