I lost my son 5 weeks ago

I really struggling to deal with the loss of my 23 yr old son 5 weeks ago he had come home from a night out with friends and asked for a sandwich, which i made i then went back into kitchen to clear up, i popped back into lounge to ask if he wanted a drink and he was purple so i slapped his face but no response and scooped food from his mouth and dragged him onto floor started cpr until paramedics came. They rushed him to hosp and ventilated him and after doing various tests they said there was no brain activity. They kept him on ventilator for a few days due to him wanting to be a organ donor (something we had discussed before) his life support was switched off on the 23rd jan 2022 and we had his funeral 23rd feb. I cant stop thinking all the what ifs What if he didnt have that sandwich, what if i hadnt left him to eat it, what if id have been able to save him


@Wendy8109 hello Wendy I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your son. My heart goes out to you. Please don’t torture yourself with the what ifs. That is part of what grief does to us. We are going through heartbreak . You did all you could and I’m sure your son knows that. I hope you have support around you. You will find support here from lovely people who understand your pain and heartbreak . Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Sending hugs x

Thank u Casey x

Hi Wendy, so sorry for the loss of your son, 5 weeks you will still be in shock. I too had the trauma of doing CPR on my son, 10 months ago, he was also put on life support and then it was turned off after a few days. The rest of the family seem to be getting over it in their own way, but I (like you) are consumed with guilt and the what ifs, as I was the one doing the CPR and I think being mothers we feel we should be able to keep them safe. It has not got any easier over this time and I shall soon be starting counselling which I hope can help. They say guilt is part of the grieving process one of the stages we go through, it might not be rational but we still feel if only we had done this or that. Have you spoken to your doctor , or thought about bereavement counselling support on this site, they do one to one support on line.
Losing a child is traumatic on its own but with the guilt it’s even more so overwhelming , just to keep breathing that alone takes all your effort in the beginning. You will find lots of posts on here from parents who have lost children and we all try to support each other. I find “loss of our son aged 27” category very helpful , lots of help from mothers on there. It’s like a different world we are in now and we need the support from others who can understand. Take care , it’s a long, bumpy journey we are on . X


Hi Wendy I’m so sorry for your loss . It is a horrible thing to suddenly lose a child like this . I lost my son last November suddenly . Every feeling you have right now is part of the hurt of grief it’s a horrible path to go down but know that this group will help you through the dark times ahead xx

Hiya I’m new to this group. I lost my son twelve weeks ago and I am really struggling , just can’t get my head around what has happened. It was sudden I left London to go to Ireland for my brothers anniversary which was on a Saturday, i then revived a call that my son had died. To be honest I’m not coping

You are such shock right now this life seems so unfair .keep posting .theres always someone to talk to.go on the topic lost our son 27… theres so many parents always rant take care small steps zoe

Thank you ,

HI Teddy. So sorry about the loss of your son. I lost two sons in eleven weeks five months ago so hope I have some understanding or maybe some empathy around your situation. I am still suffering and in deep pain but have fou d just reading the posts that I was comforted and felt that in time I could survive this horrible loss. Take your time and keep your son as close to y
ou as you need.

Hiya , omg that is terrible. My mum also lost my brother when he was 23 . Which was extremely difficult . I asked my mum how do you go on and she couldn’t answer my question . I just don’t know how do we go on ?

So so hard i lost sam in april he was 25 theres no words all i know i can come on here and be understood take care everyone big hugs xx

One day or hour or one minute at a time. Doing only what you can manage to do. I have been told here and elsewhere that it is a long hard process. I can only talk about what I have experienced over the last few months. Feelings of guilt, regret.wxcruciating pain, loss of sleep, and that terrible thought that I will never see .y boys again. I am here though still breathing along with t
Horror of it all. Take care


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I get that , but honestly I don’t know how I’m going to go on without him . I really struggle in the day but at night I seem to be more at peace . I sort of compare it to I’m going to war everyday . I feel guilty on my other children and most of the time put on a front as they are grieving the loss .

I know that one. I still wish that I could just go and being with them. I have an older son who has a learning disability . I am the only close family he has left. One very bad day I even
wrote a list of reasons why he would be better off witho
ut me so I have had times like this. He has lost both his brothers so is suffering too. I T
Souns as if you get up after a bad night feeling very anxious and go into survival mode dioing the tasks and keeping the routine up which is good for the kids but stressful for you.Are u getting any support with how you are feeling. I KNIW it is a scary thought that you have about your boy but think most people who suffer loss feel like this at some stage. PLEASE make sure that you do not bottle up these feelings too much, as it will not help. Take care

You know what if I’m being totally honest I can even put into words how I feel . I just feel so lost and empty inside and generally don’t know how I’m going to cope .

I feel work is putting me under pressure. Has anyone else had this experience? They have said about a staggered return . Just making me feel really anxious

I think the Compassionate Friends has been recommended on this site before. I rang them several times when I could not cope with my feeling. One time I cried and was angry and desolate and they really calmed me down. Sometimes we need to do this. You can ring them most days and evenings. Do not suffer alone. I think one of the great women on this site mentioned a thread that might be good for you to read and maybe follow. Take care

Thank you for your help

Sorry cannot comment on work issues but if u really do not feel ready I should tell your employer and see your GP. I am sure they will understand and try to give you a bit more time to process everything that that you are going through. Take care


Omg I literally don’t know what I am going to do .My heart is broke and I haven’t stopped crying for three months . How do people get through such a great loss . My days are just getting harder and harder .

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