So sorry. I do not know how we get through it. Jonny died three months ago and I still have the feelings you describe. It sounds like a panic and sometimes I get through it and sometimes I cannot do this. I try to talk to someone at this stage as I have mentioned before. It is the worst thing to loose children it is heartbreaking and gut wrenching and awful. I hope you have enough support around you and the family.
What is your boy’s name Teddy take care
Hi teddy, I don’t know how we get through either, it’s been 10 months for me and it just gets worse, because somewhere in my mind I thought it would get better over time. I just know it would be even more unbearable if I did not have this site to come to for support. Just hold on keep breathing and turn onto this site often, that’s what Is keeping me sane so far.
Hi Jenna , his name is Daniel , an amazing son it was a sudden death his younger brother found him in my bed as I was in Ireland for my brothers anniversary. Just wish I was at home and my youngest son didn’t have to go through the trauma off finding Daniel . I really don’t want to be here, just getting harder by the day.
Hi Jess , I totally agree it definitely does get harder . Just don’t know what to do with myself so lost
Hi - Daniel is a lovely name. My boys were called Adrian and Jonathon. I have one surviving son called Christian. He is very quiet in his grief preferring to talk to his friends. One of the worst things I experience is wishing that I did not have that silly row with A the last time I saw him. Being cross with myself that i left my sons bedside then he died without me. On and on it goes - guilt regret - wishing that we could go back in time and then maybe things could have been different. But they cannot and that is so hard . I hear the pain you Express about your other Son’s trauma and I feel for you both. Please though make sure that you talk to someone if you are feeling so low. I talked to someone about the feelings of wishing things had been different and feelings of guilt and it really helped . It does’nt take away those feelings but it does take away the horrible isolation of if it just going round and round in your head. I am still suffering the loss of my boys sometimes I feel guilty that I seem to be grieving for one more than the other and feel guilty about that. No one can deny the horror of it all. Take care
So true nothing can ever prepare you got this!!! Do you know what I can even put into words how I feel .so many emotions all tangled up. I can honestly say I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone .
Hi Jss, how long have you been on this site for . I suppose it’s good to talk to other parent that are in the same situation. No one really knows .
Teddy I did not know about this site , CRUSE recommended it to me so I had a look ,at first I just read posts, then in July I replied to someone else’s post and have continued joining other conversations since then . You can not comprehend how awful the grief of losing a child is, it is a whole new awful world that no one can understand if they have not experienced it. I know people who have lost children in the past and am ashamed to say how ignorant I was about the pain they were experiencing. You think you might have some idea but honestly you haven’t. That’s how I know it’s only others on here who really get it . Hope the site helps you to.
Thank you , I will keep posting and reading peoples posts .
Hi Teddy so sorry for your loss of your son Daniel .there are no words its such early days for you .just go eith it cry when you want to .this sote has saved me many times when i want to talk . Rant .cry .people understand …go on the topic lost son at 27 .loads of people talk .who have lost there children . I lost sam 25 last april it feels like yesterday .he had sarcoma a rare cancer he lasted four months .its his birthday next saturday .birthdays always big in our house its wicked and unfair sending all my love 
Morning , yes I totally agree with you it is very wicked and cruel . Don’t think any parent should have to go through this nightmare . It’s my sons birthday next Sunday . We had such a lovely day last year for his birthday. I do g know this is so hard , I wake up every morning in trauma , we were so close as I am to all my children . Life is a bitch
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Hi all
Hi all - Sunday is my worst day not sure why . Lots of birthdays Adrian birthday next Sunday. I leave my radio on all night so I do not wake up to the quiet. Jonny lived with me and he always bought me coffee early as he used to watch some football program on BBC. So feel really low in mood.Adrian used to bring his treat box ,and
refill it at poundland so I associate Sunday with chocolate. I’m remembering all the little things now and it hurts very deep down. Wishing you all some peace and love today to you and your families. J
Hi teddy was your son poorly .if you dont mind me asking . I want to say it gets better but u truly are still in shock baby steps .i have a daughter she was so close to sam and three little grandchildren.they miss him awfully.they saw him every day . Life … well theres no word to this pain big hugs zoe
Hiya , as far as I knew he wasn’t poorly but obviously there must have been some underline medical problem that we didn’t know about . We are going through a inquest as they don’t know what happened as it was a sudden death . He wasn’t feeling yo well I went and got him a covid test but it was negative . He was quiet chesty and had a bad cough .
Just unbelievable really , I left for Ireland on the Wednesday . I was talking to him on the Friday he was making dinner for his youngest brother . Everything was normal then I got the call on the Saturday .
Just awful so wicked such a shock to you . Grief is different for everyone baby steps xx
Hi jenna i cant begin to imagine you have lost two children was they poorly theres no words my thoughts are with you just rant on here you can say anything xxx
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HI Zoe
Adrian had a brain bleed and died. My baby son Jonny had kidney failure , and when A died he just gave up stopped taking his meds, stopped eating. Developed pneumonia and died He died 11weeks after A. There was only 15Months between them. He just seem to give up. I have never seen anything like it . Jonny would not let me pick up A ashes and now I cannot still up the two lots of ashes. It just adds to it all I think sometimes that it has not really sunk in. Jx
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That’s a lot to deal with , it’s actually unbelievable .
It is unbelievable. People were great when A died people could not fathom it People seem scared to talk to me and my son said that someone had called my house the house of death which hurts. People keep using the word surreal. I Think it scares people a d I get that. IT is as it is and it is hard to believe w`