*I am so very sorry, You will always have the love of your daughter in your heart, x x x x x x *
I donāt think that I can live with this death itās to much I lost my daughter when she was 9 a car knocked her down my partner went fishing dround some one killed my brother my best friend committed suicide like my son he was staying with me I had a go at him rung next day that night he did it if I hadnāt told him go he would be here now I feel itās my fault
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How do you carry on when you lose a son yes I have 7 other sons and a husband but why do I feel so alone your children are your reason for breathing they are your gold in life when you lose one of your sons itās like someone has ripped your heart out and thrown it away your heart is so broke I feel so lost I have never felt so much pain inside I feel so angry inside for what his girlfriend pushed him to take his own life the way he did he was just 32 years old he had his whole life in front of him their are so many people out there who have been threw what I have and am goin through please tell me when the pain goes away
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I feel the same when I lost my daughter I had 2 sons and a baby girl now Iām left with one son and daughter I am so so heart broken I feel has if Iām on my own my son split up with his partner he had 2 children why take your own life my son knew how many people if lost I feel he couldnāt live with out them he was living with me I did everything I could for him I feel that me his sister brother werenāt enough
Karen felt I had to write to you as I lost my beautiful only daughter to suicide 22months ago. She suffered a psychosis the day after having her 3rd baby and ended her life the next day leaving us with a 2day old baby girl and 2 young boys. She was our only daughter and my life. Like you I donāt want to be in this world without her but canāt put my family through it. I can feel your devastation as we belong to this awful club no one wants to be in. David Kessler has some amazing work on death by suicide that you might find helpful. Meanwhile I have no words that will bring you any comfort but you did not cause this nor can you control it. You really only need to concentrate on breathing in and out. Days thatās all I can manage. Take care x
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Thank you. Iām so sorry for your loss. To lose your daughter after what should have been a joyous occasion is too awful to imagine. I will look at David Kessler. I donāt know what to say to you, this heartache we never expected is hard to bear. Love to you and your lovely grandchildren. Xx
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Karen sometimes there are no wordsā¦ 
Thank you for your kind words the pain is like going through labor with out any medication I am so heart broken itās 6 weeks now me and my daughter blame how selves itās all if we had an idea I keep saying not my boy I lost my daughter when she was nine by a car I never ever thourt I would lose a nother one of my kids I should be greatfull I have 2 left when I hear your story i was 28 when I lost my daughter now Iām 66 my health is really bad canāt eat but Iām still here just about thank you for reading my story take care
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This is the first time I have been back here since August. Itās now 9 months since my Dean took his life. We had his 34th birthday in October, the first Christmas without him and a new year has begun, without him in it. Iām still in so much pain. I donāt know how to live without him. I went back to work two days after his birthday, 5 months after he died. I had a breakdown a week after I started back at work and ended up in the psychiatric ward for a week.
Iām back at work again, but just seem to be on auto pilot and have no enthusiasm. I still struggle to get up, shower, be a person. Iām struggling to keep on top of it all. I want to curl up and let life drift by. I know itās real, but I donāt want to accept that heās gone. Iām a mess. I just thought Iād pop on and do an update. I donāt know why. I hope everyone is doing okay, but Iām sure itās okay to not be okay. Love to all of you
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Dear Karen
Iām so sorry to hear how hard itās been for you since losing Dean. Iām not surprised and youāve done so well getting back to work. Donāt be hard on yourself. Itās been 15 months since I lost my son Henry and I feel Iāve literally crawled through life since then.
I probably sound like a stuck record about meditating but I find it so helpful in pulling me back from being overwhelmed. I was recommended it by my other sonā¦I hadnāt tried it before but itās been amazing for me. I use an app called Headspace.
I also just concentrate on getting through the dayā¦I donāt think too much about the future or never seeing Henry againā¦itās too painful to do that. 
Ten weeks and six days after Henry died one of my nephews took his own life. The loss of both boys has been horrendous for the whole family but we do get support from our faith in us being reunited one day.
Perhaps getting out into the countryside will help lift the cloud for a whileā¦nature remains committed to carrying on.
Big hugs and love
Purple xx
Hi Karen what do we say to each other my son took his life 6 months ago it is hell on earth the pain the guilt is eating me away my daughter is so Iāll she crys day and night I can just about keep going but donāt know how long for my daughter was killed by a car she was 8 I have lost many people not illnesses accidents but this with my son is so so horrible I didnāt ever think I would lose a nother child well he was 45 I used to pray please donāt let me lose a nother one of give up on life Iām only here in body for my other son and daughter I really hope going back to work may help be honest how we feel nothing will Iām here any time x
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Dear Karen
Iām so sorry you are going through the same devastating heartache that I am. My son was 26 and took his life April 2020. I didnāt find him but I think of him doing what he did and how he looked when he was found. At the beginning I just wanted to be with him and still do sometimes. Unlike your son he had severe depression and that was so hard to watch. He went from a happy outgoing confident teenager to a withdrawn depressed man.
I have no idea how we are supposed to live with this pain. Just when you feel a bit of normality something will come along and knock you back again. I have other children and grandchildren but I cant be the same Mum and Nanny that I was and wonder if they would be better of without meā¦no one wants to spend time with an unsmiling Mum/Nanny do they?
I try to remember 1 happy thing a day about my son and remember how much love he brought to my life.
I like you am broken and feel Iāll never mend.
Please put yourself 1st and take 1 day at a time.
Love Dee x
So sorry for your loss Iāve not experienced a child but my best friend did the same last year I canāt get the image out of my head. Iām trying to access help at the moment so hopefully will get the help. I like you researched everything to do with hanging it made it worse. Iām sending lots of love and support to you at this difficult time but unfortunately canāt offer advice as Iām still struggling
Hugs
Torie xxx
Hello everyone.
I am still here by some miracle. The will to live, even half a life is obviously strong. For this reason, I still cannot comprehend why my son did that to himself. He had so much to live for and was/is loved unconditionally. Last week marked the first year without him and I can honestly say I feel the same as I did a year ago. The pain doesnāt go. Time doesnāt really heal. Iāve had such support from my eldest son, he has been a treasure. He says we have been a team for 44 years and will stick together through thick and thin.
I hope everyone is doing okay. I am never going to be 'me again, and I have accepted that 
much love to you all xx
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Dear Karen,
My heart goes out to you. I lost my lovely girl 3 years ago when she took her own life. Before then I knew a mother who had lost her son the same way. I used to look at her and think āhow do you get up in the morning? How are you still here, managing to live a life?ā I know now. Because as desolate and heartbroken as we are, we have other children whom we love and who love us and they are worth living for.
Your eldest son sounds amazing and must be a huge blessing in your life.
We will never be the same ā¦ how could we be? We have lost a part of ourselves and I feel just as heartbroken as I did 3 years ago.
I still talk to Gemma, tell her what is happening in our lives and how her boys are doing because she is and always will be my beloved girl.
Sending lots of love to you xxx
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Hi
I feel your pain, my son aged 27 years ended his life 3 months ago, as much as I didnāt witness it, I still visualise it happening and how tormented he was to do it. Like you I feel I have a split personality one for family & friends and one where I go to cemetery and sob every day - we adored our boys - the pain is unbearable some days but I know I need to continue my life for the sake of my family but i know my life will never be Truely happy again, i just want you to know I feel your pain
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Dear Ryansmum,
Thank you. Three years on I feel much calmer and am able to live my life although much of the time I am putting on a face for others. I will always live my life now with an undercurrent of sadness and we just have to find out path through and you will, day by day.
It is such early days for you and I wish I could give you a big hug. Much love xxx
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Hi Karen Iām Mary, I can totally relate to your story my one and only beloved Son took his life on 22/5/21 He also locked himself in the garage - it took the fire brigade over an hour to cut through the garage re enforced garage door as he had double locked it, he suffered mental health problems as he was in Iraq and seen a lot of things nobody would want to see and because of Covid the only person he could get help from was his GP who prescribed tablets to no avail he was married to my beautiful daughter in law we are both really struggling my heart is totally shattered and I donāt know how to cope I also have a little dog and I have to get out of bed for her and sheās a wonderful little dog I live by myself having been widowed its all like a dream and when I wake up its then I know its reality x
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Im so very very sorry Karen about the loss of your son, I too lost my son in June last year after he took his own life 
, He had been mentally ill for a couple of years and I had to have him sectioned for his own safety and others as he was suffering from serious psychosis and he never forgave me for doing that Unfortunately this time they decided to release him the next day even though he had tried to take his own life the day before,because he managed to answer the generic questions at the mental health assessment, they just let him go and didnt even bother letting his family know, I had to find out he had been released from his neighbour. Covid didnt help the situation either . He was 26 years old the guilt, hurt, and anger towards the mental health services is eating me up inside I just feel empty, totally broken and numb and I totally understand where u are coming from from, as I feel exactly the same way, itās been a year now since I lost him and I feel worse than ever, I sit up the cemetery everyday breaking my heart. I just cant see things improving in the future I just dont know how to carry on functioning without him the person I was has completely gone x
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Dear Bnessa31
Iām so desperately sorry youāve lost your son. Mental health is so complex and the support is patchy to say the least.
When I lost my son Henry in 2019 I too became a different person, the old me died with him. He had poor mental health and he took recreational drugs along side his prescription meds. Sometimes he never took his meds at allā¦other times he was overdosing. His death was accidental.
Ten weeks later my nephew committed suicide and it was like a second bomb going off in our family after losing Henry. Weāve all struggled to understand and will never really know what was going on in his head at the time.
I am sure you did your absolute best to support your son. I know in my heart I did my best for Henry but I still suffer guilt and wonder if there could have been a different outcome.
Your son will have known- as did Henry- that he was loved and those around him just wanted him well.
I meditate and I find that calming.
Do you have other family? Keep in touch on this site. There are many supportive people here who will understand your grief.
Sending warm hugs and love
Purple
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