I lost the love of my life

Hi, really struggling, my husband aged 58 died suddenly while we were on holiday in Benidorm 9 weeks ago tomorrow, he had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night, he woke up coughing then just fell backwards landing on me while I was in bed. I had no one else with me as we had gone on our own. He wasn’t ill at all, he didn’t smoke and he wasn’t overweight but did drink. I was in complete shock and can’t really remember anything about the last 9 weeks, even the funeral is a blur but I thought I was coping until these last few days and now it has hit me again and I feel like it only happened yesterday. We had only been together 11 years but known him 24 years, I absolutely adored him and he did me. How am I going to live without him? Everything seems pointless now xxx

Hi Lynn,

Really sorry for your loss, it must have been awful being away on your own, don’t know how you coped. I think the suddeness of it is what has shocked me with losing my husband, we had 38 years together, I should be grateful, but I feel robbed. Life is just so cruel. It was also a heart attack, he was just 55, with everything to live for.

Your right when you say everything now seems pointless, I am really struggling to cope with every day things. If it wasn’t for my children I could have easily given up, because all I want is to be with my husband.

Sorry, this isn’t going to help you, but I am thinking of you.

BW Lesley

Hi Lesley, if you don’t mind me asking how long ago did you loose your husband? Thank you for replying, I just feel like no one understands what I’m going through, I used to just love coming home from work to see him every day and we were inseparable, he constantly told me how much he loved me and he was just so romantic. I feel I’m being punished for something, neither of us deserved this. My son and daughter have never seen their mum cry so much and they have been very supportive.
Hope you are ok xxx

Hi Lynn,
It’s just been 7 weeks now. Richard was the absolute love of my life, he made me feel special every day. I too loved coming home and being with him, we were together all the time. We have been together for 38 years and married for 30 years. We had the perfect relationship. I don’t think I will ever get used to not being with him.
How are you coping?

Lesley

Hi Lynn, I am so sorry to here of your loss, I lost my husband on 24th March this year, he wasnt poorly at all he went to bed fine, woke the next morning, coughing and making a strange sound, an hour later he was gone, at first I seemed to cope well, but as time has gone on i’m not coping at all, I just cant imagine my life without him, we worked together and were together 24/7, he was my world, I really dont know how to deal with this, he was only 66…hope you are ok, take care xx

Hi Karen, what on earth do we do without the people who make life worth living??? I don’t know about you but I just keep thinking that I cannot believe I will never see him again. It really doesn’t matter what people tell you and all the nice words and the inspirational quotes! I just want him back!! I am really struggling to accept he has gone and it sounds like you are feeling the same. Why have we been dealt this unbearable blow? Its the people left behind that suffer not the person we have lost. People say to me “one day at a time” I am struggling with one minute at a time!!
Nothing is helping, not even spending time with the grandchildren like everyone said it would.
Hope it gets easier for you soon.
Lynn xx

Hi to you all
I haven’t been on line much in the last few month but still read what people are saying .
I am truly sorry for the heartache you are all going through it is such a overwhelming journey and one none of us wanted to be part off .
I lost the love off my life on the 26th November last year we were together for 36 years I meet him when I was 14 when he was playing foot ball in a park and I married him at 16 he was and is the love of my life .
You will hear different things from different people and also read different responses to your emails but your pain belongs to you bye that I meen it’s your own private pain as we are all going through this journey in our own way some people may find pace in religion or in the strength there loved one gives them some people find going to councilling in groups or own there own some people talk or write in the forum what every helps you is good .
For me I went to councilling it doesn’t take the pain away but it lets me talk cry scream .
There is no write or wrong way to deal with this overwhelming journey for me it’s a min at a time .
I send you all my love as I truly no how this pain has changed us and all our lives .
Lily

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Hi Lynn I’m so sorry for your loss , I to lost my husband 15th April this year ,& he was also 58 & got meningitis in January & died 3 months later , it’s all such a shock & it’s difficult coping , I feel that things seem to have got worse & it’s even difficult to believe it even true!
It’s must of been so awful for you him dying on holiday b& it just being you with him , my heart breaks for you.
I think the emotions just hit you like a wave at anytime it’s so difficult, I am trying to keep busy but I totally understand what you are saying & I really don’t think others understand unless they have been through it , sending you love xxxx

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Hi Lynn, thank you so much for the reply, I feel the very same, I still cant get it in my head that I won’t see him or ever here his voice again, this one day at a time drives me mad, like you I can’t take one minute at a time, then people say think of all the memories, the memories upset me more, I’m struggling to leave the house at the moment, I just don’t want to see people. I really don’t think I will ever get over this. Take care Lynn

Love Karen xx

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Hi Karen,

I’m so sorry you are suffering too. It’s 7 weeks now for me, it’s getting harder and harder to cope. I too don’t want to leave the house, I have to build myself up to go out, then build myself up to come back home. I can’t stand watching everyone around me living their lives, carrying out all their plans. All our plans are gone, gone in an instant.
Everyone says it will get better, but I know for me it won’t.

Hope you have a better day.

Lesley

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Hi Lesley, So sorry to here of your loss, I feel so empty and like you I look at people in the same way, when or should I say if I go out my legs go to jelly, we were always together 24/7, in the passed 2 years I have lost my Dad, I lost my mum 23 Dec 2017, and my husband 24 March 2018, mean while my sister has battled with breast cancer, I really dont know which way to turn at the moment…take care Lesley

Love Karen xx

Hi Lynn
I really am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife on the 9th may this year. I know exactly how you feel . Lost , alone , looking for someone to blame. I and probably like you can’t function . We had been together for 39 wonderful glorious years . And now life is crap, I wish I could give you some magical advice but all I can do is say I understand how you feel and that your not on your own.
I hope all the people on here can find a way to make life better, but at the moment for you and I it doesn’t seem possible .
David

Thank you David,
I am sorry to hear about the unbearable pain you are going through, the human body shouldn’t be able to create this much heart ache! How can it create this much misery and pain? I thought I knew what my body was capable of, obviously I didn’t. I sometimes wonder what is the point to life when we are all just going to die anyway, and this just isn’t like me. I had a very optimistic outlook before this even though I work for the local authority dealing with homeless families, I was always telling them how well they were doing and constantly trying to motivate them. Well that was obviously because I had a wonderful life and didn’t realise how crap life could be. Anyway chin up as they all say:(
Love Lynn

Hi Lynn I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been so traumatic for you and I can’t begin to imagine what you went through being away in a foreign country all alone. But there are some things about your experience that I can identify with. I lost my husband on April 30th this year. We met in 2006 and we would have celebrated our 10th anniversary this year. I don’t think it hit me straight away, I sort of went onto auto pilot getting on with the practical stuff and I know what you mean about things being a blur especially the day of the funeral. I remember I kept shaking my head as if to try to waken up from a nightmare but I never really gave myself the opportunity to sit and take in what had happened. I even struggled to cry at first. However as time has gone on the reality and enormity of my loss is beginning to sink in and I have started to get a real feeling of panic. I have no children and feel very alone, I had to re-home our beautiful retriever because I need to go out to work and had no one to take care of her and this has just served to emphasise my aloneness if you will. Like you I don’t know how I’m going to live without my husband, he was a lovely kind and gentle soul who would do anything to ensure my happiness. He was only 63 and he had three episodes of sepsis between January and April, the last of which took his life. I just try to stay in the moment as much as possible because even starting to contemplate the future brings on a massive feeling of panic. Sometimes I also think that there’s no point in life anymore but when I sat with him at the end I told him not to worry that I would be ok and that I would make him proud of me so at the worst moments that promise keeps me going. I’m sending you love and hoping you find the courage and strength to get through this awful experience.

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Hi LynnB I also lost my husband while on holiday in Oman, last November. He had a massive heart attack in the shower, I go over and over the events and some mornings I wake up and still think he is here.

I had started to get my life back in order by going out once a week. I know I have to build a new life. Then my Dad then died in June and this has knocked me back to last November.

People will never understand the pain we feel nor the strength it takes just to carry on. We have to go on and carry the love we had with us

Hi Karen and Janey,
Thank you for your kind words, I never knew that there were so many nice people out there.
It’s all just so bleak but when I speak to people who have gone through this a couple of years ago they all say that it does get easier, so I just wish I could fast forward my life. Anyway hope you both sleep well tonight xx

Hi Lynn and everyone

It’s a very long road ahead of us. I too can’t believe it’s ever going to get better. It’s coming up 8 weeks now and every day gets worse. The unbearable pain in my stomach and heart is breaking me. I am losing the will to carry on, it’s just too hard. My kids are what’s getting me through, and my close family, they have all been amazing. But all I want is to be with my husband, I want to be where he is, does anyone else have those thoughts ? It scares me, I never thought I would think like this.

Hope this week is better for us all

Lesley

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Hi Lesley
I really feel your pain, it will be 10 weeks tomorrow I lost my wonderful, gorgeous Paul. The doctor had to give me something for my anxiety attacks. I am scared and worried sick about a future without him, and yes I feel the same as you as I just want to be with him. My family have been great but they all go home to their husbands, wife’s, parents etc and it’s just me in bed at night and Paul isn’t snoring away next to me or sat next to me on the sofa. I never thought I could feel sick constantly. I am also feeling a bit pressured into moving back to Sheffield to be near my family so I have some big decisions as well to make as I love my home and job in Scotland.
I am also losing the will to carry on xxx

Hi,

I am having some very dark thoughts, suffering panic attacks. I am seeing the doctor tomorrow. It seems like it would be easy to be with my husband again, and that scares me, it’s just not me. I have to remember it’s not just me that have lost Rich, my kids have have lost their dad, and Rich was the best ever dad. I need to get on top of theses feelings. The future is looking very lonely at the moment.

Lesley

Oh dear Lesley, I am having these thoughts too. Why the hell has this happened. We didn’t bloody plan a lonely future xx

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