It’s been nearly 6 months since M died.
I thought I was ‘coming on’ ok after being debilitated with grief for the first few months. I haven’t need to lean on here half as much as I was.
But Christmas is as challenging as I knew it would be. It was Ms favourite time of year and he was like a child for much of December. . His 50th birthday would have been last week also.
We have two kids , my son who’s in his late teens, behaviour has become challenging since his dad’s death, he hasn’t grieved yet, he constantly worries me. . My preteen daughter is struggling this time of year too, often needing comfort when she’s sobbing at night.
I’m trying to be strong for them , I have no support other than a few good but very busy friends.
I miss M so much, he was my everything . I’m so tired of being strong , constantly facing new fears and challenges. I’m so sad from being alone, battling to get through each day, constantly worrying or problem solving.
Tonight I’m upset because I miss being loved by my person, having a call to check in with me or chat, feeling safe in the knowledge you have them. . I miss M buying me a Christmas card or my favourite Christmas treat.
I don’t feel like I have anyone thinking of me anymore……… but mostly I very much miss the feeling being loved.
Sorry to ramble , can’t sleep and feel consumed again with grief.
@Swantaff It’s fine to feel how you do… I lost my wife around the same time that you lost your husband. My children are in their 30’s but I’m propping them up and being the strong one like you are having to be….
It’s hard when you don’t get a card or a call isn’t it! It was mine and my wife’s birthday on the 1st & the 6th and like you say, it’s so painful. Now I get Christmas cards saying ‘thinking of you’ Why don’t people think of what it’s like for us at Christmas time! Especially the first one without our loved ones… I’m trying as my wife loved Christmas and would want us to enjoy it but I’m finding it so hard like you are…. I hope things improve for you - even if just a little. Take care x
Thankyou @Jag61 . I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.
It’s really tough , I too hate the ‘thinking of you’, I have all through this . It’s an empty gesture I find used far too frequently.
Take care of yourself
Xx
I too agree about the thinking of you cards, but I must confess to having sent them to people in the past.
The worst one I have had was 'With Sympathy At Christmas ’ sent by a well meaning friend. It broke my heart, again
Its true that people who haven’t gone through this really don’t understand.
I’m 3 years on in my journey and tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, closely followed by Christmas. I feel like no-one wants to hear about it because I’m supposed to be “better”.
So, this is a long process. There are no shortcuts. All you have left is love. The time that elapses between losing the person you love and now is meaningless because in your mind you can be back there, in that moment, in an instant. No one understands unless they have been through this.
I’m not sure how helpful this is but I truly understand the pain. Just don’t expect too much of yourself xx
I know people expect me to be ‘better’ some now and some after the first anniversary.
I don’t think I ever will be ‘better’ and the only ones that understand are the ones that have been through it.
And I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
I’ve got the added pain of reliving this time last year when Roger was ill, we were told Christmas Eve it was cancer.
So Christmas will only ever mean pain to me now.
I hope that tomorrow won’t be too painful for you and you have a calm and peaceful Christmas
X x
My husband died early July and I really felt I was beginning to enjoy life a bit more with my children and grandchildren but Christmas is nearly upon us and the grief is hitting hard again. I’m not displaying any cards I’ve received because so many messages take me right back to the “In sympathy” cards I was sent in July. My grandchildren loved playing boardgames with their grandad and his absence is still very painful. I do hope you all find some peace over the Christmas period whatever you do.X
@LoveForever , thankyou , beautifully put.
I’ve accepted much on this journey, the constant companion of sadness being one but the ferociousness of grief still catches me . I’m sure it always will.
I very much hope tomorrow will have some of the happy memories of your wedding and marriage , not just those of grief.
Sending you love at this very difficult time
I feel exactly the same-constantly worrying about my two boys especially the youngest….I never had a dad so don’t know what they are feeling can only imagine. Their dad was with them everyday being sporty in some way. The loss is huge, no one gets it, I’ve cried constantly since April when he died suddenly. I just want to see and feel him again💔
I keep thinking that’s another ‘first’ done but something always pops up and gives me that sinking feeling! I’ve had so many tears in the run up to Christmas. Just when you think you’ve taken a little bit of a step, you get hit with raw emotions…. What I would give for a 10 minute cuddle and chat with her💔
I feel your pain. Be kind to yourself , it takes time to grieve. I talked to a counselli from the hospice and it really helped. Even goid friends struggle dealing with your grief…they want o help but don’t know what to say or do Don’t be afraid to ask for pracical help when you feel overwhelmed. It tkes some of the pressure off you. I asked a friend to help with the paper work of pension and closing accounts and the piles of practical paperwork that eeded to be done after David died. I couldn’tsummn the strength to deal with it all. ASK for help…you on’t eed to struggle alone. I hope you n find some joy this Christmas…perhaps fiding pleasure in how much your husband enjoyed this seaso
I’m writing to you from Morocco.
My husband’s inoperable and advanced diagnosis was 21st December last year. After my world collapsed and his funeral in May I saw a reasonably priced yoga and surf retreat advertised.
Dreading the week leading up to the date our world fell apart and never having done yoga or surfing, I booked it (I don’t have children). I started to learn yoga in the Autumn. I can do 50% of what the other 12 on the group can do and I stay at the villa with my book when they surf, but it has been the distraction I was looking for. I couldn’t tell you any details about it before I came here, I focussed on learning yoga (I am in no way sporty) as it filled some time outside of work.
There have been moments of sadness, of course, but interestingly and beautifully, I had my 1st dream of my incredible Husband happy.
Sending you all love and support and thanks for our group on here x
I too am missing feeling loved aside from my elderly Mother, but it’s not the same. My husband passed away four weeks ago and I would give anything to kiss his beautiful face, hear his voice again and hold him in my arms. Seeing couples walk hand in hand is difficult and we always did the same. I say to him, please come to me waking or sleeping…’ I talk to him too, and find that helps to keep him near. I covet my solitude and am finding I am having to fend off’ concerned relatives of his family. We are newly married of this year so I am not used to rellies’. One family member used the word, expected’ over Christmas in terms of my presence and I bridled’ at that. It might be well meaning but it smacks of an exert of control and a you should be pleased’ family are reaching out for your wellbeing. I am choosing to spend Christmas alone and if that’s not acceptable to them then I don’t want to own it for them.
The pain is unbelievable isn’t it.
To be given that news on Christmas Eve was dreadful
2 weeks later we were told it was terminal. 6 weeks later he was gone. I still can’t believe it.
I’m so glad for you that you have found a way to cope with the nightmare we are in
Have the best Christmas possible. I shall be with my daughter, her husband and 2 of my Granddaughters. So that will be a much needed distraction.