Hi @MemberD72 Sam,
So sorry you too have had the shock of such a sudden loss. It is the worst thing you can imagine isn’t it?
Not that I think watching the person you love becoming more and more Ill is any easier; just different.
I lost my darling, seemingly fit and well, husband in April to a cardiac arrest due to a coronary thrombosis. It can still feel so unreal even after almost 8 months.
Sending you love. x
Hi Karen
Im so sorry for the loss of your husband.
I dont even know what im doing most days or even what day it is. My world has fallen apart and my heart is broken. This pain is so real. How do you get through the days im only 3 weeks in and i dont want to keep going without him. I wish every night i dont wake the next morning, because waking up to face yet another day without him is too much. I have family that are very supportive, but as you know there is always only one person that you want.
Thank you so much for your kind words and taking the time out to message me
Sam
Xx
Hi minnielmber.
Your words say just how i am feeling.
We used to travel, and Keswick was one of our favourite places here at home, as you said no more Keswick , no more travel together.
It is nearly 4 months for me since my husband died, after a very short illness, and i hate my life.
I long to just hide away, my family are so supportive, but i am lost.
Being able to just write this here, has helped.
My love to you all x
@MemberD72
Dear Sam, it is truly the worst pain I have ever experienced losing my husband but I count myself lucky that I was married to him for almost 29 years and I use the love I have for him to inspire me to keep going. I, like you, hate being without him but my daughters need me (one still living with me has a learning disability and is very far from independent.)
I believe he can watch over us and I am determined to make him proud. I’m also lucky to have a faith so I believe we will be together again one day and that I should make the best use of my time left on earth that I can in helping my daughters to progress in their lives. We have his farmland to keep, which has been a steep learning curve so far and much more ahead.
The best advice I had was that ‘whatever you are feeling now, is exactly what you should be feeling. That helps me now on the odd day when I don’t cry. There are some now, not many I admit but they do happen. It’s hard for us not to feel guilty when we don’t cry. I even questioned the first time whether I really loved him that much if I could have a day without breaking down. The next day I was back to knowing just how much I still love him and the tears came again.
Hoping you will gradually find some peace and be able to live some sort of meaningful life one day. We will never be without our love for our lost husbands but that should give us strength.
xxx
Sending love to you @MinnieImber . The heartache of this loss is incredibly difficult to comprehend. I thought losing my beloved Dad 26 years ago was bad enough but this is so different and so much more painful. I could never have imagined it and thank heavens for that.
I am lucky that some people have continued to support and realise I am still so vulnerable. Others have moved away and got on with their own lives, which I guess is understandable as they cannot ‘get it’ unless they have borne this level of loss.
At least here we understand each other.
xxx
Hi @Bess1
Sending love to you. Your words are expressing all I am feeling too. So many aspects of life together I miss. I still have a daughter at home so I am not alone but in many ways I am. The loss of the love of your life is like no other. To know that I will never see that love in his eyes as he looked at me again is heartbreaking. It couldn’t be captured anywhere but in my heart. No photograph of him, no matter how lovely, shows that.
Wishing you strength as you try to form a new life in whatever shape it takes. xxx
Hi @George4
Like you, the idea of going to places we went together is just impossible to face. So far I can’t contemplate anywhere but I will someday take my daughter away again. I have to to help her get back to being able to cope with life away from home as she doesn’t ever find that easy even without this extra aspect.
It does help to be able to say what we are feeling on here doesn’t it? We’ll always understand one another better than those who have not experienced this level of grief.
Wishing you peace.
Hi Karen
Yes we must keep strong and yes easier said than done
We must not our loved ones down by not ‘coping’
Yes again easier said than done……. And yes at this moment in time an uphill daily challenge………
It is however comforting to read on here folk all feel the same
Baby steps……. Some days not even that
Hugs to all ( we so need them!)
Take care
Xx
@KarenF you have just brought tears to my eyes reading your post. The part where you say about ‘never again seeing the love in his eyes as he looked at you’. I was thinking that same thing myself only the other day. No one will ever look at me the way my husband did. To everyone else I’m just some old lady but to my husband I was the love of his life as he was mine. My children love me and my grandchild loves me but it’s just not the same love. Take care.X
@KarenF
Thank you for your kind words, im so broken and i know im not coping well at all, im trying to be strong and hold it in around others inside im screaming.
I dont want this at all
Xxx
So very true. The love of your life.
That’s exactly it @Loobyloo2 . No other love is the same.
@MemberD72
I often don’t even try to hold it in; I cry almost wherever I am. I have never been good at hiding my emotions and swear I could cry at a complete stranger’s funeral simply thinking about the loss for the poor family concerned.
Maybe stop trying to be strong and let it out. xxx
Hi Karen
I’m with you
The ‘look’ between us and our loved one is so unique
I do notice now that look between couple friends
Heartbreaking we will never have that warm comforting loving look again
It is in my heart always but so miss it
Like you I don’t hide my feelings I can’t it’s me
And yes I think i to could go to a strangers funeral and cry my heart out
Like everyone on here I’m existing
Christmas or not being alone like ‘us’ bloody hurts…… always
Xx
@KarenF
Im scared to let it out properly because i know i wont stop, its an unbearable pain that makes me feel empty and lost
Xxx
I know what you mean @MemberD72 .
It really is a true pain isn’t it but it has to come out somehow. I spent so many weeks with my eyes all swollen and puffy as I couldn’t stop crying but it is less frequent now and some days I barely shed a year. Doesn’t mean my heart isn’t missing him every day but I can now think about, and sometimes talk about, happy days together and smile.
Richard was such fun to be with; I miss his amazing sense of humour so much. Life is much more dull without him around.
I wish I could be there to give you a hug while you cry.
@KarenF
Bless you thank you karen. I cry and cry but theres something else inside bubbling away and i feel if that comes out i will lose it completely, if that makes sense.
I feel the home is just a house now without him here
Xxx
@MemberD72
Yes, a house can seem very empty can’t it?
This one has so many aspects of my husband, however, that I feel I must keep it the best I can so spent time over the summer doing work on the window frames and plan to do more next year.
I cope better when I’m busy so it did me good to do it and made me feel as if I wasn’t letting him down.
@KarenF
Aww thats lovely, it is empty it feels sad and cold.
Hopefully in time that will change 
The whole crying thing can have its advantages, I got a GP appointment by breaking down uncontrollably at the surgery!