I miss my husband desperately

I lost my husband Mark just over 2 weeks ago and I feel truly lost. He was 53, as I am. I have gone from being his fulltime carer to feeling like a nobody. I wander round the house and don’t know what I’m doing. Every room has his “things” in but I cannot put them away. There is a hospital bed, hoist, commode, wheelchair and all sorts of stuff everywhere, but I feel like I need to have them there. His funeral isn’t until next week so I have had lots to do, but it doesn’t really help. I also feel guilty for having such grief when so many others are going through the same thing and worse due to Covid. My husband died of septicaemia though. Any thoughts or advice would be most welcome. Thankyou

So sorry for your loss
My husband died December 5th due to Covid
I just find everything unbearable
All I do is wake up do what I can manage
And go back bed
So hard to lose a partner
Please just chat on this site as it does help
Sending a big hug to you please chat anytime xx

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Thats kind Debbie. So sorry about your man. I’m glad I found this site, as I live alone now and this blasted Covid means you can’t even have a hug! All you can do is what you can do each day. I guess you have had the funeral now. Do you feel worse or better or much the same since? Marks funeral is next week. Please be kind to yourself. And you are not alone. xxx

Hi
I find it worse now the longing to see them is so bad
I had Andy work send email today saying all his money due to him will be sent over
I hit rock bottom rang Samaritans help line
Mental heath doctor gave me there numbers last week
Take all the help you can
When I rang about a hour ago I screamed and sob so much
She was a lovely lady on the end off the phone
Please get as much help as you can xx

Hello Michelle
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband
You must be feeling so many emotions after caring for your husband for so long
I cared for my husband for 4 years before he died last April and I can understand how you say you feel so lost There is a big gap in your life now You just need to do things in your own time and sort your husbands things out when it feels right for you As you say covid had made everything worse with all the restrictions and isolation from family and friends just at a time when it’s needed more than ever I hope you can find some support from this site as like myself it’s made me realise that others can relate to how I’m feeling and that I’m not alone
Please keep in touch and take care
Thinking of you
Christine x

My husband died on 25 November so I’m a bit ahead of you. I felt just the same as you and the first 8 weeks hsve been hell but I do have times when I feel calmer now. Allow yourself to grieve and cry. Just empty it a out whenever you can. You can’t recover until you’ve done the misery bit. I wish you well.

I really feel for you. I am so glad you are reaching out for help. Sometimes I guess that’s the hardest thing to do. I always think of myself as a coper…so many awful things seem to of gone wrong in my life, but this is on a new level. It’s like cutting off a leg, an arm. Keep reaching out. I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain. Perhaps I’m still too raw to do that I don’t know xxxx

Those are really kind words Christine. And I too am so sorry for your loss. How are you doing now? I know it’s 4 years but that is no time at all when you have spent a lifetime with someone is it?You’re right about the site…makes you feel like you are not the only one going through such terrible times.xxx

Many thanks for your encouragement. Funny how just a few words can lift you up a bit. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. November is very very recent too. I think my real grieving will be after the funeral, that’s what people tell me. But I am preparing for that. Thankyou and take carexx

Hi Michelle
Thanks for your reply
It’s 9 months now since my husband died and I’ve gone through and still go through so many emotions Some days quite good others not so good. We were married 43 years and it’s hard to live alone and not having the person you love to share your life with I felt numb at first sorting things out then the funeral It wasn’t until after this that I felt a wave of sadness come over me and I couldn’t stop crying I look back and it’s all a blur I don’t know where the time has gone it’s sped over but on the other hand it all seems to have happened so long ago I find the day to day loneliness very hard now but have to go on for my husbands sake Be kind to yourself and let yourself cry when you need to. I still do
Take care
Christine x

Thankyou. I know it’s gonna be a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions. You’re so right about feeling numb leading up to the funeral.Its like a dream and the funeral is someone shouting in your ear and waking you up. Yes, ofcourse your husband would want you to go on, be happy, have a life of your own. Seems hard to think of I know. But if the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn’t want your husband being in mental pain forever over you. So easy to say but so hard to doxxx

It’s very difficult when we lose our husbands.they are our best friend.soulmate.never realised how much were loving and missing them x

people can help.don’t be afraid 2 ask.its hard at 1st.your not alone.people 2 talk 2 on here.
Karen x

So sorry for your loss its just over 2 month since my wife died i was her full time carer all her stuff commode zimmer frame wheelchair she called it her little car just siting there never touched anything since she died keep thinking she will be home anytime its so heart breaking

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Hi there I know exactly how you are feeling I lost my husband last September and like you I was his career and still have all his things exactly how he left them I want you to know that everybody on here will be thinking of you I wish I could make things better for you but I know that’s not possible as the only thing you want we cannot give you just take one day at a time and think of all the lovely times you had together you are going to be busy at the moment so that may help a little hope you have family who can support you wil be thinking of you and if you need to talk I am here. Sheila

Thank you x

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Hi Michelle.
I’m so sorry …I feel your pain…I lost my hubby a year ago dec23…three months of the worst cancer I have ever seen.in the beginning I was his carer…our lounge turned into a hospital ward…my suggestion to you is to send all equipment back…as I have no family my friend got it taken away for me when I was in the hospice for nine weeks… I couldn’t have gone home and looked at it…I’m 62 I’ve done all xmas new year birthdays everything on my own and this lockdown hasn’t helped…as you said cant even have a hug of our friends…I dreaded the funeral …once it was out the way I did feel like a weight had been lifted so I hope you will too…my husband was 63 when I list him…I still cant accept hes gone…I’m a mess without him. The only thing I get up for is our dog who’s saving me but I’m scared something will happen to him…my husbands mother died on friday with covid in her care home… I couldnt see her in ice a year. …I just hope shes with him…life is so sad…keep posting it does help to no you are not alone…we all are heartbroken…take care…ann

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Hello. My husband died last August from septicemia too. All very sudden. He was 56. I like you miss him so much. I was my husbands carer and had all sorts of aids around too. I keep his glasses, watch and after shaves on his bedside cabinet still. I cannot bear to move them. Days are so long. At first planning the funeral etc keeps you busy. I also had many friends popping round to make sure I was OK. Then after the funeral it was like someone threw a switch and said, right, that’s over, all back to normal. My life didn’t go back to normal though, I was left to get through the days without my husband who I’d been with since we were 14. 40 years. I feel as though half of me went with him. After about 8 weeks the mobility aids were upsetting me, I felt as though every time I looked at them big waves of grief came over me. So I removed the raised toilet seat. Grab rails, bed pan, took zimmer frame back to the hospital. However, I couldn’t get rid of his wheelchair, so I’ve put it in the summer house. I still have his carpet slippers at the side of the bed. His parka is still hung in the hallway. I feel I will know when it’s the right time to move them. I miss him so much, I can’t put it into words. I’ve never been alone. Married young and went straight from living with parents to living with my husband. All my life we’ve done things together. I worry how I’ll cope alone. I have no family as I lost my beautiful mom a couple of years ago. I’m alone all day, every day. So hope to find support here. My advice to you would be to just take every minute at a time. And cry! Let it out. Talk to him. Do what’s best for you. Don’t be pushed into doing something you don’t want to do. People say to me everything happens for a reason. Aaarrgg NO! What possible reason means my husband had to pass away? Try and ignore comments like that, the people saying them obviously don’t understand or experienced great loss. I hope I’m not waffling on…

Hello
No you are not waffling on
Me and my husband were the same is was 14 married at 18
My husband Andy passed December the 5th Covid
The day he passed I went with him
Just my body here nothing else
So hard to do anything at all without him
Xx

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Hello Debbie,
Yes it’s like life goes from colour to black and white. I’m so sorry this covid took him from you. At the moment I find it so difficult to be motivated to do anything. I think what’s the point? I just want to be with my hubby. I feel guilty for still being here. I don’t feel as though I have purpose now. Xx

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