Hello toppy
I’m very sorry to hear about your sad loss
I lost my husband in April last year after 43 years of marriage and I miss him so much Like yourself I was my husbands carer for several years before he died I just wanted to move all the medical equipment out as soon as possible after he died as I couldn’t bear to look at it all but there is no right or wrong time to do this just when it feels right
I can relate to everything you say The loneliness and sadness is overwhelming and yes other people saying every thing happens for a reason !
What reason ? It all seems so pointless I’ve asked myself a million times why did my husband have to get ill and die there doesn’t seem to be any reason behind it He was such a loving kind man he didn’t deserve to suffer and have his life cut short
Other people can’t understand unless they experience the loss of a loved one too
I also miss everything about sharing my life with my husband his companionship his kindness and especially above all else I miss his love
Reading these posts on this site it seems we all can relate to each other’s feelings We can help each other but at the end of the day we have to plod on as best we can on our own
Thinking of you please keep in touch
Take care
Christine x
Hello Christine, thank you for your reply, and may I say, I am so sorry for your loss.
Yes, I miss everything too, his smile, his hugs, the warmth of his body in bed, him making me laugh until my belly ached. So much. I miss cooking for him as he sooo appreciated good food. I can’t be bothered to cook for just me. I still have all his clothes. My friends keep saying I need to move the place is too big for just me, but all my memories are here. If I moved my hubby wouldn’t have lived there, they don’t understand. Plus moving is expensive. I feel like I’ve been dumped on a road, with massive road bumps and a massive mountain and I can see the road I was on with my hubby and desperately want to get back onto that road which we could manage together, OK it had a few bumps but we got over them together, and no matter how I try I can’t move forward on this road, no idea how to get over these bumps and clear the mountain ahead. Helps being able to chat to people that understands. Xx
Unless people have been through the same.they don’t understand.we can’t switch off and carry on.we loved.cared.laughed.cried.smiled.our memories were special to us.
All we can do is remember happy times.
Our partners wouldn’t want us 2 be sad
Take every day one day at a time x
Dear toppy
Your picture of a road is a good way of putting into words how you are feeling
I too feel the same about cooking there’s no interest in just cooking for one is there ? I can understand about you not wanting to move house aswell All your memories are where you are now and you wouldn’t want to leave them behind
It is so hard living without the person we love in our lives
Sending you hugs
Christine x
Hi Christine,
Sorry my name is Tracey, how rude of me. Yes it is so hard. For.the past couple of weeks I can’t be motivated to do anything. I’ve got a pile of stuff in the garage that I brought from my moms house when she passed away a couple of years ago, and i should sort it out, it would give me something to focus on, bit I just can’t be bothered. Do you feel like that? Take care x
Hi Tracey
Yes I feel like that aswell I try and do one or two things every day though as it would be so easy just to sit and do nothing. Doing things doesn’t stop you from thinking of your husband it’s just a distraction and there’s not much we can do during lockdown I have a garden so will have plenty to do in there later in the year I go out for a short walk some days depending on the weather I find this helps to break up the loneliness
Take care
Christine x
I haven’t moved anything
Toothbrush still out glasses and slippers shoes
Everything liked he left
I think I will move house at some point
As we have lived here for 24 years
And the house is really getting to me
Upsetting all the time xx
Hi Christine
Yes I’ve been out for walks it breaks up the day. I will take that tip and will sort through 2 boxes a day in the garage, chip away at it slowly. X
Hi Debbie
I know what you mean it is so difficult. I’m opposite, I don’t want to move as I like knowing my hubby was here in this home. Who knows though, 5 years from now I may feel different. Certainly helps having people on here to talk to. Take care x Tracey
Hi same as me have not moved anything clothes waiting may move house she said i had to if anything happened to her house getting to me all the time horrible neighbours one a THUG funny thing happened this week all her clocks stopped in the house 2 in bedroom at same time upsetting living here
I am finding the house is not home anymore
Feels empty I look round and Andy as done so much
Here ,
Can’t bare it don’t use the living room can’t watch tv in there
I just come bed Xx
Debbie …I’ve had to reply to you…firstly I’m sorry our in pain…I am too…no words can describe it…I’m replying as you are the only person who has said those words…you cant sit in the living room…nor can I and noone gets me. I go to bed at 6 with my dog and try and watch tv…my house doesnt feel like my home anymore…I cant leave it either as my hubby built the most beautiful pond …t took him months of hard graft…I’m scared the fish will die…life is terrible and I feel guilty saying this when so many are suffering…so your not on your own…that’s it
.keep posting…take care…ann
So sorry for your loss
So painful to be at the house
We have been here 24 years and Andy as made it wow
But without him here I can’t stand it
Family say it might get better in time
Not sure I can feel that at the min
Please take care xx
I have an awful neighbour too. Her trees are damaging the drive and lawn and I fear they will damage the home. I’ve tried speaking to her but she won’t do anything about them. I shall have to get legal advise I guess. I really don’t need that stress.
my neighbours are awfull would not bring you a pint of milk
Hi …I no the feeling…when I lost my hubby mine said …I’m sorry…if you need anything… xmas …new year…lockdown…not spoken…nothing and I live on my own…me n my hubby used to cook xmas…easter dinners …glad I’m not like them!! The book is big hearted man by kate Boydell…take care ann
And death and how to survive it…by kate boydell
I can’t imagine not being in my house, it would be like leaving him behind, but after 10 weeks I still cannot sleep in our bedroom.
I’ve slept in the spare room since he was taken into hospital.
I feel like I do want to go back in there, but not getting my goodnight kiss and cuddle and missing the warmth of his body and not being next to me when I wake up is what us stopping me at the moment.
I hope I can eventually, I sometimes go and lay on his side of the bed during the day but can’t deal with nights just yet. X
My neighbours try to avoid any eye contact since my husband died, except one who sent me a lovely card at Christmas and our elderly neighbour who sent me a card telling me that my husband was ‘simply the best’. I have become invisible to the rest who have watched me struggle with various things and not once offered to help. I should not be surprised, some people he considered friends have not been in touch since the funeral - I got the same ‘if there is anything you need just call’ and when I have they do not pick up or return the missed calls. Some family members just getting on with their lives and posting pictures at Christmas as if they had no care in the world - clearly my husband’s death is of no concern.
I am struggling as I do not feel his presence by my side. Every night I pray and ask for a sign that he is watching over me, the kids and grandson and cry everyday as I sit in the deafening silence knowing that I am alone and that is how it will be from now on.
Probate is delaying most decisions, and I did think that I would want to move but will probably stay. I keep thinking if he does come to watch over me he needs to know that I am still here. But life is so hard.
Hi Jacko
I lost my hubby 23 wks ago and I was just like you, I couldn’t sleep in there although I desperately wanted to. One day whilst I was laying on his side of the bed, a thought popped into my head, and it was to put two pillows vertically down where he would lay. I tried it and that night I got in bed. It was comforting, no replacement don’t get me wrong, but I cuddled up to the pillows and it allows me to sleep in our bed now. That night, I had a beautiful dream of my hubby and he was hugging me. I was sad when I awoke as it just felt so real. From that night I put the pillows every night like that and manage to sleep in our bed again. Big hug to you. Take care