I’ve joined tonight after reading the posts regularly. I feel no one else understands how I feel. I lost my husband in February he had been treated for cancer for 2 years, although we knew there was no cure, he was coping well until complications before Christmas. He was in hospital for 7 weeks and was due to go to a hospice when he passed away.
I feel so lost, friends and family have been very supportive but I know they really don’t want to hear how i really feel. One week I feel as if I feel better then I’m so emotional and crying again.
I miss him so much we were always together, he was so special.
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Yes my journey was similar to yours but not as long … 5 months from hospital to his demise 
so hard isn’t it and my husband was so special to me too and same as you we were always together too … leaves a big hole doesnt it ? Xx
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You have come to the right place, just let your feelings out, I would say 99.5% have or are the same feelings, everyone’s grief will take a slightly different journey, some journeys are shorter than others, many are still on the same journey after many years, but nobody will judge you, I lost my hubby of 46y in April last year and have only just admitted I needed help as I was struggling badly since Christmas, he too had cancer but it was very quick as he’d only started to feel unwell mid January, was admitted into hospital on 4th March where he stayed for 7 weeks, he wanted to come home and I wanted him home, they had given him 6 months but actually only lasted 3 weeks, he’d only been home for 4 days, but he got his wish to be home for our wedding anniversary 2 days before he passed, so not looking forward to 24th-26th of this month.
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I miss my partner lots today. I’ve had a good few days meeting friends and family and holding things in. Today I’m letting it go. I miss everything about him and finding it tricky to get motivated but I will. I will force myself in a bit to go for a walk.
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Yep similar story as mine … they gave him 3/ 4 months and he only had 6 weeks but managed to get him home week before but it was awful watching him go right in front of my eyes : but good for my husband cos he wanted to be at home … dont think any way is good tbh … as my joiner said to me when i told him hed passed - thats crap !!
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Thank you for your replies, it’s a comfort to know I’m not on my own. My husband never spoke about the inevitable, I understand that was his way of coping and didn’t want to upset me but it’s so hard I wonder should I have attempted more ways in to have a conversation. He wanted to come home but it all happened so quickly there was no time.
You’re right it is all rubbish and cancer is so cruel, it’s not like in the adverts on tv.
I find writing to him and walking where I talk to him helps. I made him a playlist while he was in hospital and it is comforting to listen and remember the times behind the songs. Sorry I’m going on, I just try to find a way to cope.
Does anyone else have any ways of coping.
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I walk and make arrangements to see people so I’m not at home thinking too much.
I bought a puppy after my partner died and she keeps me occupied. We had discussed it before he died but I went ahead after as I needed a purpose. She’s been amazing and we can walk loads in time .
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Yeh igot a puppy too - good company ! Srull missmy hibby though and as for meeting peoplr i find them eholly unreliable most of them … i think people back off since the funeral … im sick of people !
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That’s the joy of my puppy and walking. I can walk for miles and see no one. I can talk to my man, cry, think and reset. I walk with and without my pup. I just love walking xx
Yes a dogs great, we got a puppy 6 months before he was admitted to hospital it’s been a good distraction and definitely gets me out of bed and for long walks and fresh air.
I know this is a long road, you have all made me feel better, thank you
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Yes its nice to reflect isnt it 
ialways have people stopping to talk to my puppy xx
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Oh me too. She loves people too so always wants to stop!
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Hi Freedomlass, it’s so hard you’re a good bit further down the journey but I can see it doesn’t get better, I hope you’re getting some support.
I had our wedding anniversary just weeks after I lost my love. I really struggled coming up to the day but knew I’d get through somehow. I went away on my own for the day and walked for hours along a favourite beach of ours. Yeh I cried nearly the whole way but at the end of the day having talked to him all day and cried it was soothing.
I hope you can make plans for your anniversary rather than dreading it. He’ll be with you in your heart. Take care.
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Hi @Jul2113
So sorry you have the need to join this group but, as you have already seen, there are many lovely people here who DO understand and will be there for you, however long you need it.
My darling husband was strong, fit, slim and seemingly completely healthy but went out to play his weekly football and never came home having suffered a coronary embolus. We had no idea there was a problem as he could still do everything without symptoms apart from two weeks earlier at football when he had an ache in the centre of his chest after playing.
It is nearly a year for me and usually I’m doing well and having a life. A bad patch at the moment with too many significant dates and events but generally the pain is less all consuming and the tears less frequent and debilitating.
I believe the acceptance that this is real is the first, huge hurdle. Another is to try and find some purpose in life, which others feel with their lovely pets. I have two wonderful daughters who give me so much to live for.
Sending you love
Karen xxx
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I’ve spent all morning in town, repeating my nickname to myself over and over again: Oh I feel “so lost, so lost, so lost… Without you”. I felt like I was wandering around in a world I didn’t belong to. My daughter’s university graduation is coming up soon but her dad isn’t here, it’s unbearable. His pride and joy and he won’t be here to see her! Gosh, it hurts so much 
. I went around the shops looking for a suit (luckily I found one in the end) but it was absolutely awful doing this alone without my husband to help, suggest, advise me, he had great taste in clothing, but it’s just the fact of not having him beside me that I cannot get used to, it just wasn’t supposed to be this way, it’s unnatural.
My gift for my daughter is a gold chain and a photo pendant with “dad” written on one side and inside it there is a photo of her beautiful dad.
I realise I had been so naive, never thinking that one of us could suddenly die, it never occurred to me at all. We would be together forever. I wasn’t asking for much, he was only 57 and me 53. I also made the mistake of thinking “these things happen to others” but I’ve definitely changed my way of thinking now. Oh yes, I’ve learned my lesson.
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@Jul2113, I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate. We can all understand you and relate to your pain, we are going through the same grief, others who are not in this situation just cannot empathise with us.
You’ve come to the right place, we support and comfort each other as we navigate these rough seas we’ve been hurled into.
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@Solost
So sorry your daughter’s graduation has made angry another painful time for you. There are so many ready to trip us up but you are doing AMAZINGLY and your husband will be so proud of all you are doing. The gift for your daughter sounds perfect.
We never thought about the idea of a sudden, early death of one of us either. Maybe that’s a good thing or we would have been dwelling on that and not enjoying our time together. So many people have said, as I feel, my Richard would be the last person you would expect to die from a heart condition so that never crossed my mind.
We planned to grow old together but it wasn’t to be.
Hugs to you my friend.
xxx
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i know so strange doing things without them … you just feelso alone dont you ? but what a lovely gift to your daughter 
good choice 
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I’m so sorry you’ve had an emotional morning. I think it’s one of these ‘firsts’ that there are so many of that we don’t consider till it hits.
Your daughter’s graduation will be very emotional but her Dad will be so proud. You’re doing well to have arranged a beautiful gift. Take care x
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