Hello, I lost my mum just over 6 months ago very unexpectedly. I had moved into my new home and I had just popped round to my mum and dads to drop some stuff off, my mum was gardening and seemed perfectly fine, i handed her a few things as she came in and out of the house but on the 3rd time she didn’t come back out, i didnt think anything of it and just walked in… thats when my world turned upside down.
She was sitting on the floor with her back up against the wall at the end of the hallway clutching her chest, i threw everything out my hands and ran towards her i knew she was having a heart attack, i screamed for my dad but he couldnt hear me because he was playing music in the garage, i ran and got him and told him to call an ambulance, my mum then slumped down the wall and went unconscious and stopped breathing, i did CPR on my mum (which i am still struggling to come to terms with) i managed to bring her back, when the amabulance arrived she was starting to turn again the next 20 minutes became a blur i was a mess on the floor in the garage, the paramedics told me she was ok she had a pulse and i did a good job… then everything came crashing down.
The paramedic came out about 10 minutes later and said she was not in a good way they couldnt maintain her heart beat, i watched them push my lifeless mum into the back of an ambulance, then she passed away in A/E. My mum fought to the very end. She was only 59.
I lost my mum at 28 years old and i have an 18 month old daughter… i thought the pain would ease and getting better, but with each day it just gets worse and worse, i keep going for my daughter and my dad as i know they both need me but i just wanted to know if anyone else has been through a similar situation? How did you manage? How did you cope? She was my bestfriend in the whole world, i would call her about 10 times a day and see her every single day, just feel like my heart as been ripped out of my chest.
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.
There is a blog on Losing a Parent which may be of help to you along with the following resources by Sue Ryder.
Please continue to reach out, you are not alone.
Hi Emma Louise am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my beloved mum to cardiac arrest in October. She was 85 with heart failure,but nonetheless it was sudden and unexpected. I found mum around 30 minutes after she collapsed so but it was too late to do anything. In a way I’m glad because it would have been impossible to save her at her age.
I really feel for you. Sudden death is always traumatic and in your case with the resuscitation attempts it must have been so distressing. Have you thought about therapy? I started therapy because I’m struggling to go into her bedroom (flashback images)in our house where I found her. It’s helping me with the trauma part of my grief. It is so so difficult I know. I still keep playing back the events of her last few days in my mind trying to find an explanation. Reach out here if you need to talk. Sending love and strength.xx
I am so sorry you had to go through that, that is awful, it doednt matter what age you loose your mum thr pain is still awful, your mum is your first friend, your bestfriend then your forever friend. Some days i find it difficult but i know i have to keeo going for my 19 month old daughter who is just amazing. Makes me sad to think i will never call anyone mum again? I dont have a mum anymore and i envy people who do… i know thats sounds awful but i cant help it. I tried therepy but i didnt find it benficial i worked for the NHS for 10 years and got referred and seen reallt quickly via work but i iust dont think it seems to help me. I am glad therapy worked fir you thats a good positive. I too think about them final days and was rhere anything i could of done to stop it? I just cant believe the time keeps ticking by, the days and months and each day that goes by is a day further aqay from my mum if you get me. I just hope one day i will reach a point were i dont feel all chocked up when i talk about my mum. Sending love and strength your way xxx
I get you totally… every day… week…month it’s further away from the life we knew. It’s nearly 19 weeks since she left me. Yes she was a good age, but the loss is still overwhelming. I loved her very much, but only now she’s gone do I truly comprehend the extent… but she’s not here to realise it. It’s heartbreaking.xxx
I am so sorry for your loss. You aren’t alone in this. All of our journeys are different but I think we all feel the same grief. You can get through this, no matter how hard. We are all here
Yes i totallt agree age doesnt matter, they sre still your mum and the pain is unbearable. I just keep thinking there is so much my mum is missing out on. How are you spending your time? I am trying to go to the places my mum loved but sometimes its a little to hard. I get exactly what you mean but your mum knew how much you loved her and still do xxx
Hi Emma Louise. Basically I’m working, looking after my son, the same old life as before but without my mum here. Sometimes I feel like I’m going through the motions but this feeling of emptiness is always there.
The longing to be able to talk to her and tell her all I wanted her to know before she suddenly left.
19 weeks have passed but I still feel so flat. How are you feeling? Xx
Hi Kate, yes i am the same, working at looking after mt daughter, the world just carries on… but like you said couldnt be more true same old life but without ours mums. Sudden death is just hard to process because it comes so unexpectedly and a lot of trauma comes with it. I have mt good and bad days, its been 7 months since my mum passed now but it still hurts like it was yesterday. I to long to just call my mum and my brain skmetimes forgets to engage ans i have tried only to be greeted by the same messaged rhat says this number is disconnected. Some days are good and some days are bad, this has been a particularly bad week as i have been getting it from all angles and my mum was alqays mt greatest support system a shoulder to cry on whenever i needed it. I know i have my dad and my friends but its just not the same? Did you take much time off work? How old is your son? Children are a winderful gift they lift us up in the most terrible times xxx
I lost my Mum three months ago . She was diagnosed with cancer five years ago and went into remission, but it returned . She went into hospital in August and came home the middle of September and passed away the 28th October.
Christmas was hard , but now I’m back at work it’s even harder . I feel guilty that I’m not around as much to support my Dad , have to keep coping for my two teenage daughters. I miss my Mum every day . She was my friend as well as my Mum and we used to talk everyday.
I’m feeling anxious a lot more than I ever did before. People think you’re coping because you’re back at work and doing the same things you did before, but life isn’t the same .
Hi Emma Louise. I took 1 week off work, which doesnt seem much, but I think it helped. Being home alone was just so difficult for me, it helped to concentrate on something else. Do you find it helps?
My son is 10 and I don’t know what I’d do without him tbh. Children really are gifts, especially in times like this. He forces put one foot in front of the other each day.
Yes sudden death is so cruel it’s just so difficult to comprehend. Do you still get any flashbacks? I do.
How is your dad doing? I can’t believe how the time is marching on, seasons are changing but in a way my old life only feels like yesterday. xx
Hi, I’ve been reading through some of the posts left.
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss.
I lost my Mother over 3 years ago and as the years have passed by I feel a deep sense
of abandoning, loss. I can sit here and suddenly I say to myself, ‘My Mum is dead’. I simply find those words alien to me. My Mother and death don’t belong together but sadly, they do. She was adorable, loving, kind, funny, a best friend, she was everything and I miss her dreadfully. It can be painful. Takes the breath away as you gulp not to cry again in public!
I think to myself quietly that my Mother had to grieve over the loss of her Mother and got on with it and I shall do the same.
My Father passed away many years ago but for me personally, losing my Mother is something else.
I wish nothing but hope to all that grieve. Grieving can be hard work! We have to try and salvage something from it that can keep one going.
Yes i still get the flashbacks rhey come very sudden and unexpected somedays. Sometimes i am proud that i ddi CPR and other days is frightens me as i think i should not if had to do that and i dont wsnt to do it again. I took 3 months off work due to the trauma and stress but i felt the same as you being at home and not working to distract me made things worse so it was hard to go back to work, as i worked for the NHS at the time and seeing people come in with their mums, or patients calling to say their had lost a parents triggered me, so i made a change and i now work in a school which has been a blessing as i get all the half terms off which will be fantastic when my daughter goes to school. Erm my dad is very much up and down deoending on the day. My mum and dad were toegther for 43 years so i cant even being to imagine the pain he is going through but i try and be there for him everyday and my daughter lifs him up! Children are a a gift they are so pure and full of life and make you forget all your worries! How are you today? Xxx
I am sorry to hear about your loss, loosing a mother is truly something awful and a pain i wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy. Your mum is your firstfruend, your bestfriend and then your forever friend, no one looks after you, cares for you or loves you the way a mum can, i can see that now as a mother myself their isnt anything i would do for my daughter.
I am sorry your grief if still haunting you, have you got any children? How are you coping?
Sending love, strength and support your way xxx
Today wasn’t a good day. I just felt sad and missed mum. I can only imagine how traumatic it was for you performing cpr. You were so brave. It was too late by the time I found mum. It’s good that you were able to change jobs and that you are happy in your new job. Yes kids give us the reason to go on don’t they? I think you are further along in your journey, I’m 4 months in but some days, like today, it’s just so hard… how do you find it now? Do the feelings of regret ever subside? Kate Xx
Am so sad you are having a bad day. Maybe tom will be better. This awful grief isn’t going away so I guess this will be the state of play with bad days and good days. Remember there are lots of people on here thinking of you especially me
Yeah you will have up and down days i know i still do, grief is a rollercoaster. Yeah what would we do without our children? Just looking at them warms my heart, the evenings are bad for me because once the hetic day is over and my daughter is asleep then the quiet sinks in and that was one of my normal times i would call my mum for a chat. Yes i am 7 months into my grief journey but still only feels like yesterday, the main thing i am struggling to process is where has the time gone? In July my mum will have been gone 1 whole year… i must asmit the forst e months for me was a blur so i dont really remember much i was on autopilot. But i am hopeful that one day i will find a good place. How are you feelinf today? Xxx
Thank you Deborah it means a lot to have the support. I seem still to be a bit melancholic, going through the motions but just sad and missing mum. How are you today? Xx
Still ill with this awful chest infection so my grief seems worse. Did manage to do one thing on my list of to do things though so that’s a step in the right direction I suppose. Everything is or seems pointless to me at the moment. I just want her back Just want to phone her. The feeling is unbearable
Hi Emma Louise
I know what you mean about the time just flying by. It will be 20 weeks on Tuesday!! I keep going over the last few days in my mind and thinking why didn’t I realise her body was giving up? Why wasn’t I closer to her emotionally? Did she feel that she was near the end of her life? Was she scared?
I know we all have the benefit of hindsight now…then we didn’t know, but periodically I keep on reliving those days and trying to find an answer. Just feeling very sad. How are you doing?xx