I know, feeling poorly is bound to make your grief worse.
One task a day is just fine, it’s very early days still. Be kind to yourself. I too want to phone mum to tell her my news. Walking into the house and seeing her empty spot on the sofa cripples me still after 20 weeks. I always sit there now, imagining that she’s embracing me. 
Take care and keep in touch.xx
Hi Kate,
I know time just keeps moving and each day seems to go by so fast yet i am stull stuck in ground Zero reliving the horrific event… i am not so bad durning the day as i am busy with work, life and my daughter but the evebing snd night times have become a real problem as of late. It only dawned on my yesterday that i will never hear my mum laugh again and it sent me spiraling. I went to Chester today for a walk with my daughter and partner and it triggered me the whole time as this used to be a place me and my mym always went, tried to out a brave face on but inside i was crumbling.
How are you feeling today?
Keep your chin up and keeo posting always here for a chat xxx
Hi Kate,
Thank you for keeping in touch.As you can see I can’t sleep again.Just churning everything over and over,analysing everything I did or did not do etc. I managed to do one job today but that was all as got too chesty and felt worse. I haven’t been to mum’s house for almost a week as he house is 35 miles away but will pop up there for a few days soon. I am going to try so hard to sort a few things there. Goodness knows where I will put everything once probate is granted but I wil try to bring everything back home here as I can’t bear to throw anything out. Maybe some of the things that I really don’t want can go to a table top sale and the money can be donated to the charity we chose at her funeral. I t wil be very hard to do though.My mum was brought up in a tiny village in West Wales and as a child she always took us there.There is a history society in the village so money instead of flowers is going to the society and I am going to the next meeting to hand it over. The lady who runs the society was in school with my mum and knew her all her life as o it will be an emotional meeting I am so glad I chose the society as they put on history events throughout the year and any donation wil benefit them so much.
How are you doing yourself?
Message any time
Deborah x
Hi Deborah. I sleep ok although last night I took a melantonin chew as I didn’t feel as exhausted as I usually do. I woke up to beautiful sunshine, but of course my first thought as has been over the last 20 weeks was mum is gone. I just feel so empty and tearful these past few days. Life just goes on as before but without mum in it. Everything is a struggle. I try to be brave for my son but its hard.
I did probate online too and the thought of going back to Gloucester, going through a lifetime of things, selling the house…just being there without mum …fills me with sadness We were there with mum in August as usual and little did we know what was about to come in October.
That sounds a very good idea about the charity. I will also donate lots of mum’s things to charity as some will be impossible to bring back here.
I know what you mean about the analysing… I do it all the time. It’s our brain’s way to try and find an explanation for the loss I think. It helps to know it’s not just me.
Thanks for your support and I hope your chest eases up soon. Kxx
Hi Emma Louise,
Sorry you are finding it hard to sleep. Have you tried any natural sleep aids? I find melantonin helps me to go into a deeper sleep, I take one now and then. Lying awake is the worst and reliving those events is awful I know.
I’m trying to be strong for my son, but as you say everyhing triggers memories of mum. I’ve always been a nostalgic person, but now I just can’t stop thinking of the old times. Where do you live? Are you finding support? The lack of “how are you doing” really astonishes me. My best friend hasn’t even messaged me since 5th January! I feel hurt, but mostly very disappointed I know life goes on and everyone has their own problems, but it’s unbelievable to me. Thank goodness for this forum.
K xx
Hi Kate,
Had another in functional day doing nothing much.
Tried so hard to make a start on my to do list of sorting every cupboard and wardrobe etc in my house but it took ages doing one kitchen cupboard so that’s all I did
Yes I am dreading sorting mum’s house but I am not putting it up for sale for a while as I need a little sanctuary to go back to. At the moment I am trying to get used to her not being there when I stay there and just spend my time there feeling close to her again. I haven’t put her ashes down yet so that’s the next thing to do. Dreading it.
How are you feeling today ?
As you can see again I can’t sleep so this site is a god’s send.
Deborahx
Hi Deborah
Am feeling a bit better today, the sun is shining again.
Sorry that you are finding it hard to sleep.
Don’t rush yourself re your mum’s ashes, take all the time you need.
Mum said she wanted to be scattered in our garden so she could be near to us, but then I thought what if we move house? Mum’s ashes are in a picture frame (well it’s an urn, though you wouldn’t know), with a photo of us taken together on Mother’s Day 2021 and I like that she’s with us at home. I think she would approve. Maybe one day I will scatter her ashes, but for now I’m happy like this. I often talk to mum’s photo, it helps me.
I’m hoping that when I go back to mum’s house, I will be able to feel close to her and not be totally overcome with sadness and nostalgia.
Do you have any siblings or are you an only child? I’m finding that having no siblings right now is tough going.
Hope your chest is better. Kxx
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Hi Kate,
How are you doing? The terrible dread is coming back as mothers day looms… feel like the funeral is coming uo all over again then wxactly a month later will be my mums birthday… a special one… her 60th. I had it all planned out but now i feel lost, i know i shouldnt be to sad about mothers day as i am a mother and the day is to celebrate ALL mothers but i dont know i just dont feel like celbrating just feel its a day of mourning again. The only thing i am going to do is light a lantern on the beach my mums favourite place and let it flort over the sea. How about you? Are you doing anything for mothers day? Xxx
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@EmmaLouise I am glad to hear that I am not the only person who doesn’t want to do mothers day to and I am also a mum. I would usually take my mum to her favourite restaurant for lunch, think it will be a quiet day at home with my son and we will get a takeaway from there instead.
I have her birthday coming up to 5 April and she would have been 75.
Valda xx
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Hi Emma Louise. March will be a tough month with Mother’s day then mum’s birthday. 
I won’t be celebrating Mother’s day, maybe put some Spring flowers next to mum’s photo, but I think it won’t be easy, especially looking at social media.
Where I live they celebrate it in May, so I will celebrate with my son then.
My emotions are up and down still. Some days it still seems like a bad dream, I miss her sooo much.
How are you doing? Are you off work for half term?
Keep posting.
K xx
Hi Kate 111,
I too am dreading Mother’s Day this year. I always did something special with mum. Think I will just go out in the car somewhere and have a walk on the beach. My son wants to book afternoon tea for me but i don’t want to be around other people enjoying themselves with their mums. It was really upset me .
Where do you live that they celebrate Mothers Day in May ?
Thinking of you all
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah
I too am already dreading Mother’s Day. The first one in 51 years without my dear mum to honour. I may do a little gesture to honour her, but I won’t feel like celebrating.
I live in Italy, here they celebrate it in mid May, so at least there’s not all the hype around me.
With mum I always celebrated the Uk one.
How are you doing? Hope your chest infection has cleared, there’s nothing worse than feeling sad and ill at the same time.
Take care. Kate xx
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Hi Kate,
I am afraid grief has had the better of me today and nothing can console me so I have been in bed for most of the day.Yesterday I was ok but today is a thousand times worse.Just haven’t been able to function at all.Its been a hell of a day.
My chest infection has gone so it’s not that.I just miss my mum so much.I know you understand. I don’t think it’s fair on my husband seeing me like this so I have just escaped to my bedroom all day.He suggested going out for a spin in the car or a meal out but I just want to be alone with my thoughts and crying.
Thinking of you
Deborahx
@seychelles
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. Hope you are doing better today. I think when you are like that nothing helps.
I have not had a great week and yesterday it came to a head when I had a melt down on a teams call with one of my colleagues. I just want my mum back, she lost her mum and she said this is all part of it and she is no longer part of my routine. It was also a month to the date since her funeral.
I am going out today to meet a friend they lost their mum last year, we might just be a couple of emotional wrecks but I know I don’t have to put on a face.
You take care of yourself and hopefully the next few days will get a bit easier for you.
Valda x
Hi Deborah
I understand. You need to do what makes you feel better. If that means crying in bed then so be it.
I hope you feel better soon.
Thinking of you.
Kxx
Hi Kate and Valda,
Thanks for replying. Got up today and tried to carry on. It was hard but I forced myself to. Planned to go for a spin in the car but didn’t manage that. It is half tern week here so maybe i will go next week when the shops are quieter. I am content with staying at home where i feel safe at the moment.
i am dreading going out if i am honest Cant bear to meet people asking me how i am
Am throwing myself into planning my new bedroom so have made a start in ordering new wardrobes today. That is a start anyway.
Tomorrow is another day as they say.
Thinking of you both
Deborah x
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Hello Deborah and K,
I haven’t posted for nearly a week as have been trying to absorb myself in work. It didn’t work out well. I feel worse this week and tonight I feel really upset. I broke down in the hairdressers today. Have been trying to lose myself in self care. Had a pedicure yesterday and hair cut and coloured today but none of it seems to matter. I just want to cry. I seem to be getting worse 8 weeks on. Is a godsend reaching out to people on this forum. Somebody asked me how I was today but they had already answered with a ‘ that’s lovely’ before hearing me finish. They had the humanity to apologise but got me thinking about how some people aren’t listening at all. Xx
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@Julest I know exactly how you feel I have been back at work for the last 2 weeks and thought it would help and keep me busy. This week I had a melt down on a teams call with one of my colleagues was putting on a brave face all week. Luckily she is sympathetic as has been there when she lost her mum. She said it may be because you are getting back into a routine and it no longer involves your mum. This week was also the month anniversary of my mums funeral. I saw my mums neighbours daughter today and she to asked how things were, I could feel the lump rising and just said I am getting there. I got to my car and just broke down and have been crying on and off since. I hope you feel better soon I don’t know when this is going to pass but agree doesn’t feel like it’s getting any easier.
Valda xx
Thanks for your kind words. Is just awful. Mum passed on the 27th December and funeral was on the 10th February. I’m feeling at my saddest today and not sure why - although I know will come in waves. I’m worried I’m going to lose it at work at some point and so scared about doing home visits ( I’m a social worker for Children’s Services). I wish we could afford to live without my salary for now so I could take a sabbatical but it cannot happen… I hope you are doing ok? I’m not sure how to get through the future feeling like this . My mum keeps popping into my head and I keep hearing her voice. I feel like I should be moving forward but tbh feels like I am
In reverse. It all feels pointless but I have a young daughter to think about and a career which needs me back ( or so I have been told!). X
I know @Julest if it wasn’t for my son it would be so difficult to keep going. He picked up that I wasn’t right (I try not to get upset in front of him) and he just sat beside me and cuddled in. I had that indirect way of making you feel guilty about being off and that the team were struggling without me. My team have been great, HR I am onto her she messaged the day after my mums funeral to ask if I was up for a chat about my back to work plan then said I would have to take annual leave. Your job will be tough when you have to see folk day in and out, I work from home and so glad I don’t need to go in the office. 10th Feb is a long time to wait for the funeral and can understand why you feel how you do as it’s after it realisation hits that they are gone.
I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day and that I won’t get my 3am wake up that has started again.
Take care
Valda xx