Hi Wendy
I’m in Kent, I didn’t realise it might be as long as that.
I went to Mind as I was really struggling and feel I need extra support (on top of my counselling I have privately once a week) but if you have counselling already they won’t accept you.
I feel that even though I do have counselling, 50 minutes once a week isn’t enough to see me through the week.
As Wendy said, I hope everyone is doing as ‘ok’ as we can be
Hi Folle
If you think that’s bad, when I called the phone number my GP gave me they told me I had to wait a year for counselling. Absolutely ridiculous, I lose the most precious important person in my life. I have never felt so low or in such pain yet I’m supposed to cope for a year, it beggars belief!!!
I’m really hoping it will help at Mind on Weds as I think I’m falling into a deep depression. I cry nearly all the time, almost everyone of my friends has stopped messaging/calling as they’re back to living their lives and I feel so alone. I don’t have a partner or children, after my 12 year relationship ended I just never met anyone decent and was so busy with work and spending time with Mum and family I couldn’t be bothered to date.
I just want to be with Mum, everything feels so painful and meaningless to me now without her. I actually hate life:(
Sorry to offload, I guess you could say I have Monday morning blues… (to go with all of the other days too)
Hope your week has started better
Everyone else too 
Wendy
Xxxx
Hi Wendy
Please don’t apologise, EVERYTHING you say makes sense to me.
I’ve been really hurt by so called friends aswell - they all say if you need anything then to let us know, but not one bugger has been free when we’ve needed support.
For some reason over the last couple of days I’m feeling completely emotionless and my mind won’t allow me to think of my wonderful Mum, it’s almost as I start thinking about her my mind just shuts down and I find myself in a daydream.
I miss her so so much, and the craving I have for her is still so painful to carry, that certainly hasn’t disappeared.
Dear Wendy and Folle,
Thanks for the Cruse info, much appreciated. I’m glad that there is someone else out there who can say they know how it feels. It’s really hard talking to people, who say “sorry about your mum”, or “there there” sort of thing. It feels too flippant. It makes it clear that they don’t appreciate the excruciating pain of losing someone. Worst pain.
Wendy - don’t apologise. You’re hurting, and it’s better not to bottle up how you’re feeling. How are you feeling today? Losing someone you love is a really slow and long journey we take in accepting they have gone, and learning to live without them.
I went to collect mum’s things today from the funeral directors. It was fine, and I held it together. I was a bit sad that I didn’t get to keep all of her clothes though, because they would have been dirty and disposed of by the coroner 
I think I’m just going to float along in this weird sort of existence for a while. Nothing else I can do, really. I know that mum would want me to keep going so I guess I’ll just do that.
I think I’ve managed about 2 or 3 days the past month where I haven’t cried, so that’s some progress. Do you get tearful? I get tearful at silly things. Seeing a woman and her daughter carrying flowers, buying a card for my partner’s mum’s birthday. Silly stuff. I guess we’re in for a year of “firsts” too. I think the first year is just a total write-off in terms of emotions.
Hope you’re both doing ok. Thank you for listening xx
Hi Kimberly, I hope you hear from them soon.
I went to mums grave for the first time- and I cried - a lot.
What you say about floating is something I can totally relate to, I feel like I’m not really here.
The ‘firsts’ are really difficult and so painful.
I get frustrated when I see mums and daughters our age out and about - they don’t realise how lucky they are.
I hope you’re all doing ok
Nick x
Hi Kimberly and Folle
Hope you’re both ok? I’m not great to be honest, I went to my first counselling session this morning and not going to lie it was brutal. I had to tell the whole story and relive everything that happened with Mum again, I cried all the way through and walked out of there feeling like I’d been hit by a freight train.
I have felt like I’ve been in a daze and shed many more tears since so in answer to your question about being tearful, yes it is an every day occurrence to me. I have actually forgotten what it’s like to feel normal, the pain just never leaves. I too look at Mum’s and daughters like you both and feel jealous, in fact I have to look away as it hurts too much.
It’s silly things like when the colder weather started coming we would always text each other in the morning to wrap up warm and I’d say to her to make sure the heating was on. I’d check on her throughout the day, take her shopping after work on a Friday then for fish & chips or a carvery. She always loved a nice dinner out. Now I wake up and think how much I want to go get her and drive her somewhere, treat her to her dinner. I miss her so so much. People are saying I should be feeling better by now but I’m not, if anything the longer I can’t see her/talk to her the worse it gets. I just can’t see anyway past it at the moment.
I am having lunch with friends tomorrow and Friday and seeing family on Sunday but all of the time I’m with them I know I’ll be two seconds away from breaking down about Mum.
Hope you two are coping better with your days.
Take care
Big hugs
Wendy. Xxx
Hi wendy
Probably telling it in full for the first time to somebody (other than yourself) has been the worst thing since your Mum passed.
I still can’t even go there in regards to accepting Mum has gone.
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling - your relationship between you and your Mum was totally unique to you two, and nobody will know the depth of your relationship so when they say you should be feeling better just remember that. There’s no way we can even start feeling ‘better’ and the fact that they use that words just says that people don’t ‘get it’.
Your grief is also unique to you as it is all of us on here.
Hope that helps.
I get annoyed when my own family talk about closure and moving on - as I’ve said - they don’t understand the relationship I had with Mum and if they did they might understand that I can’t even start thinking about that and probably won’t for a good time yet, and for me- I don’t want to ‘move on’
Hope everyone is ok today
Nick
X
Hello to everyone on this conversation. I hope you don’t mind me jumping in for a minute, but I was just wondering if anyone feels up to replying to a new user? Missymelissy is only 25 and has lost her mum very quickly after diagnosis. You can read and reply to her post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/losing-my-mum-after-only-6-weeks
I’m sure she’d appreciate hearing from someone who understands.
Hi Wendy
I’ve found that I cut myself off from seeing new people, because I know it’ll end in tears. Even though not being alone feels better/easier than being alone.
I’ve found it difficult and frustrating to see other people with their mums. I saw a post about randomly calling your mum to tell her you love her and how much she means to you, only to find myself frustrated and upset that i couldn’t, and then basically angry at everyone else on the planet for not calling their mums.
Keeping busy sounds really good, although quite exhausting. I’ve found recently that i want to sleep more and more and more.
No - people are wrong and you can take as much or as little time as you want to feel differently/better. It’s not just about “feeling better” anyway, it’s so much more than that, and it’s not ok for other people to put a timescale on how you should feel and when. I’ve told myself that I’ll probably feel pretty rubbish for 12/18 months, but actually, my lovely aunt pointed out that if it comes to then, and i don’t feel supercalifragilisticexpliaidocious, that’s totally fine too. Grief is very personal. Don’t ever feel guitly for feeling however you feel.
I’ve found myself saying a few of mum’s phrases. Like picking a scab (eww, I know, sorry!) she’d snap “dont pick it!”, or when someone’s about to have a tantrum, she’d say they were about to have a wobble. Silly things like that bring a smile to my face, but then instantly make me sad that I won’t get to hear her say them. Emotional rollercoaster.
I think I might give talking therapy a go but the prospect of sitting there balling my eyes out (a certainty) doesn’t make me want to do it very much. I wonder if I’ll look back and wish I had, or wish I hadn’t. No way to know i suppose. Sometimes when I think more about the silly times I had with mum, it hits me that it’s going to be different this year and every other year. It sounds really silly, but I’m already feeling guilty and stressed at the prospect of not going to her grave on Christmas day or on my wedding day (when I have one).
Hope your day is going a bit better than yesterday. Please be kind to yourself. Take care. Kim x
Hi all
I’ve had a really crappy week this week, I think maybe I’m acknowledging the fact that Mum has gone but I’m not even close to accepting that she’s gone - does that make sense?
The hurt just seems to be getting stronger, I didn’t think that was possible when Mum left us, but it’s now combined with the feeling of being totally lost, alone and almost like I’ve lost my foundation.
Hi Nick & Kim
Hope you’re both alright considering? Ever since the first counselling session on Weds I just cannot stop the tears, it’s just constant heartache since reliving it so not sure how it’s supposed to help when all it makes me want to do is go be with Mum. I miss her more than life itself
It makes complete sense to me that you’re struggling Nick, I haven’t accepted it at all even with all that’s happened. I just don’t want to, I keep thinking back to when she was here desperately wanting to go back. I’m so lost now, I used to be so organised and structured with work and everything done in my life and Mum’s. Now I can barely get out of the house. I’m trying to get some of Mum’s strength from somewhere but it’s proving very difficult.
I keep dreaming of Mum too, do any of you dream about yours? Last night she was back on the buses (she was a conductress on the No 8 from Bow to Victoria) in her uniform and I was with her. We were in our house with the old decor, it was very real. I was helping her although with what I’ve no idea, it’s a bit of a muddle now… she was happy though and so was I, could’ve stayed with her forever but then I woke up back into this nightmare
Last week I dreamt of her again and this time I was helping her down some stairs and she leant forward to hug me tight and kiss me. It felt so real, what I wouldn’t give for it to have been. Everything I own and then some… I’ve read that these dreams are actually visitations and Mum could be trying to comfort me. I hope so, I know she would if she could.
Tomorrow I’m going to see my aunt and uncle for dinner (Mum’s sister who she adored). I do love them but bottom line is they’re just not Mum. I have no doubt there’ll be more tears.
Off to bed soon so will say goodnight to you both and anyone else reading.
Take good care
Sending hugs
Wendy
Xxx
Hi Wendy
I’m sorry you are also having a tough time still.
I have only had nightmares which is just awful. They’re not specifically about Mum, but she is in them.
What I hate is that I will still feel the same when I wake in the morning, every morning.
Hi, yes, I can relate to the subject of nightmares and waking up. I have had some weird nightmares and dreams and Dave is in some of them. I HATE waking up. You have that awful time of thinking "oh no, the despair and loneliness is here and am back to reality without my loved one. The pain and hurt then kicks in and I feel depressed at having the long uphill struggle of the day ahead. Best wishes from Karen
Hi All
I have had very few dreams about my Mum, mostly I hear her calling my name in my sleep. I wake with a start each time and find it upsetting knowing I will never really hear her voice again properly.
Soon after she passed I did have one lovely dream, Mum was on a boat with my Dad, Aunt and Uncle. They were all laughing together and very happy. I liked that they were happy but was worried as my Aunt was still living then and the others not. She has since passed away almost a year after the dream.
I have been having a bad time recently since my Aunt died. I didn’t see a lot of her but miss her. The comfort of knowing someone is there even if you don’t see them everyday makes a difference. I have also heard a date has been set for interring my Mum’s ashes.
Hoping everyone is doing OK.
Mel
Hello everyone, how are you all getting along lately? I was just wondering if any of you feel up to replying to a new user? Robert lost his mum in February and is feeling very low - I’m sure he’d appreciate hearing from someone who understands: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/mum-died
Struggling terribly
Yes me too, especially with Christmas and Mum’s birthday looming!
It’s just awful isn’t it?
Everyday is a challenge
I just want my old happy life back complete with Mum in it. I honestly cannot ever envisage feeling happy again:(
Sending hugs to you all. Xx
Hi Lonely
Wow that’s truly amazing to get a text. I’m always wondering if ‘there is anything out there’. That must have been so so comforting. I’ve even thought about seeing a medium but I just don’t know if they are genuine.
I have Mums phone and I will, when I’m ready read her texts we had between us.
Its been nearly 3 months and in a way it’s even more painful now that when she first went. It feels like she’s just on holiday and will be coming back. I guess that’s unconscious way of saying I’m not ready to deal with that yet.
I’m so happy for you that you got that lovely text though, how so beautiful for you in what was and may be still, a very dark world.
Kind regards
Nick
It just doesn’t seem to get any easier. I’ve started a thread ‘dreading christmas’ so feel free to add.
Xx
I would love to know if anyone out there has ever NOT dreamed of their loved one. My husband died in June this year, and I have never, not once, had a dream about him. It is almost as if he has been wiped out of my life completely. Surely not, after being married to him for 66 years? It makes me feel even sadder than ever, if that is possible. Incidentally, my Mum died 56 years ago and I still dream about her occasionally, after all this time. I just want my husband to visit me when I am asleep but he doesn’t. Is there any meaning to this do you think? As for waking up in the morning, I hate it too. In fact I hate everything about this widowhood and wonder if and when I will begin to feel better. Best wishes to you all. Eileen