Death is so unforgiving, it doesn’t just take the departed, takes some of us , those who are left as well.
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That should read some part of all of us.
Keep, going, it seems like hard work, at a time, when you just don’t need it.
Hi …. I’m so glad I have read this post. I am struggling with the same guilt and it constantly plays in my thoughts. My husband passed away March of this year from a heart attack.
He woke me at 5 in the morning saying he didn’t feel to great but couldn’t explain why.
We talked for awhile and fell back to sleep. At around 6.30 he woke me with a cup of tea, he was washed and dressed and said he was going to do some work in the study before taking our dog out for her morning walk. I must have fallen back to sleep because I was woke a few minutes later by our dog barking at a horrible noise. I rushed in to the study and found my husband slumped over the desk.
I realised afterwards that the noise I heard was the air leaving his body.
I am so angry with myself for not noticing any signs, for not doing more, for not being there when he passed away.
He would have been scared. He was frightened of dying. Everyone tells me it would have been sudden and he wouldn’t have known anything and it’s the best way to go but I can’t take any comfort from their words.
All I know is I need and want him here with me but I can’t turn back the clock.
Thanks for listening
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Nothing can prepare you for what it’s going to be like sitting with a loved one in their final hours. I was grateful to have been with my Mum when she took her final breath, but like others here, I wasn’t really ready for it. Hospital staff see it every day and know what to look for, we don’t. The awful breathing sounds at the end, the almost waxy look of the skin, even a certain smell - no one tells you about any of those things. My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered through losing someone in this way. Living with the memories and the flashbacks is horrible.
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I was with my husband when he passed away and apart from the awful breathing, all I can see is the tear that trickled out of his right eye as he died…… Its been 42 weeks now but that image will stay with me for ever.
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Not exactly the same, my partner phoned me, I can’t breath, I was at work, I was back in 5 minutes, I found her on the floor, I gave her CPR, I thought she breathed, now, I realise it wasn’t her breathing, after 5 minutes, which seemed like forever the paramedics arrived, they said they found a pulse, they took her away, I couldn’t go, because of Covid, 2 hours later, I got told by phone, she had passed.
Just after that I had to self isolate, in the very same room, I replay that moment in my head, all the time.
Omg Trixie 1
The same happened to my beautiful Lucy,I’m sorry for your loss,I gave Lucy a hug and told her I will always 
you 
I had a very difficult experience watch my husband pass, for 2 days he deteriorated dramatically and he was very agitated. The hospice where fantastic talking me through the steps and ensuring I understood! I did not really understand as it was a blur. Sadly no one could of prepared me for what happened, I re-live the last moments daily, the noises, the way he didn’t look like my lovely geoff . I feel numbness and sadness each day, I hope these feelings pass.
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Something you will live with for ever. It’s 2 years tomorrow, since we lost Shell, the day I rushed home to find her collapsed on the floor, failing with my C.P.R. I will not remember her anymore tomorrow, more than any other time, she is always in my thoughts. The nightmare of that day, may well.return in my thoughts. I wish peace on you, and all the others here.
Take care x
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Thank you pete59 for the response. I hope you get some peace. Wishing you well
you have nothing to feel guilty about ,you were there for her when she passed away.
My daughter an myself were with my wife when she passed away. All her pain has stopped, the ones like us who are left have all the pain .Rebecca would have found it very hard to cope with everything if i had gone first, i am glad she dos not have heartache that i have everyday.
God Bless You All.
Mine is a similar story, Shell would of found it hard in this horrible world we live in,
Take care all x
I’m the opposite, Ian would have coped much better than I am. Even after 44 weeks I still can’t believe he has gone and that I will never see him again. We used to joke about it not realising what was to come. I see his smiling and kind face everywhere and just wish I had gone first. I feel as if I am in a nightmare which I can’t wake up from!
Take care everyone,
Julie x
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Hello Julie
My wife Rebecca was in very poor health an became very dependant on me the last year or so. she could not leave the house on her own an needed me or someone for support. My daughter is very good but she has her own family an also works. As my health is ok at the moment i can get out an about an more or less look after myself. Rebecca would have been housebound an have to rely on outside help, i know she would not like to live that way.
When in hospital if they offered her home help or any kind of care package she would always refuse saying i am very good an i could see to everything. Which i wanted to do anyway. So that is the reason i am glad that Rebecca has been spared that pain an suffering.
God Bless Everyone
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My husband was in a care home when I got the call saying he had deteriorated and they were calling for an ambulance. I went straight to the care home and followed the ambulance, my brother met me there. There was nothing any one could of done he had developed sepsis and his organs were shutting down. We were told it was only hrs away.I was grateful that we were allowed in as COVID was still around.It was 1.00 am and we sat with him until 3.00 pm the next day my brother decided to go home for a couple of hrsand I was left on my own
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The hospital staff came into the room to turn him over,as soon as they left he became agitated and his breathing was becoming shallow. I don’t know why but I was frightened and I rang my brother to see where he was,he was just coming in to the hospital. By then I was hysterical and everything was a haze,by the time my brother came into the room he had gone.I think he only wanted me there when he passed over.An image I won’t ever forget.
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My daughter left the hospital at about 12.30am to check up on her family we live about 10mins from the hospital. She had not gone for very long when Rebecca began bringing up a lot of brown coloured liquid, tea an water i think. ,Her eyes were rolling in her head but she was not retching like being sick more like her body rejecting the liquid ,maybe as her organs were closing down her body could not process the water she drank. Maybe some medical people here could explain it, after that she went back to sleep i rang my daughter an she came up an we were both with her when passed away peacefully. The image of her bringing up the liquid will never leave me as she nearly filled up one of the little sick trays.
Sorry if this offends or upsets anyone who reads this account of my wife,s passing away.
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My husband passed peacefully. I had been at the hospital sleeping in a chair by his side for a few days. Myself & our children were there. I told them to go home to rest & I would let them know if anything changed. It happened so quickly though . His breathing changed & I called the nurse as I got back to him he took one more breath and he was gone. I think he chose to save them from the trauma. It does go round in a loop in your memory though.
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