i never appreciated what i had when i had it...

I am now in a situation, a position of looking back to what i-we, once had, and i now see that i once had everything, everything i ever wanted, i needed, only back then i just took this all for granted not even appreciating what i had, well that was-is, until nor my Richard has gone…We tend to sail through life when life is good, and we have our health, and we have a life ahead of us that the last thing we thing of, or that enters our mind is at some point, one day, this great and happy life will be no more, well here it is…
Time can be our best friend, and it can also be our worst enemy…


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Evening Jackie
I feel the same as you. You never know what you had until you lose it.
My Mike passed away in January. He was a quite man and we were married for 43 years. I spent a lot of time out with friends which he loved me to do but now he is gone I wish I had spent all my time with him. Mind you my friends have kept me going. I have no family at all and if it wasnt for my friends I wouldnt be here today.
Life is hard and I am so lonely on my own. Friends are great but life is not the same.
Take care and keep those messages coming as such a comfort to everyone. Regards Sue

…if only we could put back the clock and re-live what we know now, oh how we would change, only this time we would get it all put right…no mistakes that we tend to be regretting of now…sadly we dont get a second chance of it…

Jackie…sending a…((( hug )))

If only I know…I think it’s natural to feel this way, but at the same time heartbreaking x

I didn’t realise what I had until it’s snatched away from me . The things that i moaned about i would give anything to have it all back. Just to have my old life back.
Christine x

Same here
All I did was moan
All irrelevant now

I think there is not a single person on here that doesn’t have a regret somewhat or another. Actually makes me feel so Much better to know we are actually just human.

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The regrets are like a knife going into my heart. Terrible regrets.
We are not perfect and we can not be in a state of constant affection towards people. They probably weren’t perfect either.
Isn’t it terrible. This sudden loss and our change of life. I feel lost. I’ve no idea what direction I’m going in. Grief is so tiring.

Another way to look at is “what if I died”. They would also be living with regret too. Because they are also human. I think when people die we forget that they too were human with human faults. We put them on a higher level. My mum was not perfect but I have put her on a perfect platform and regret my less than perfect ways. But none of us are perfect. Does that make sense


Jooles45, Yes, it absolutely makes sense. I know my mother would be full of regrets and remorse too, if it had been the other way around. She’d also be grief stricken.
(When it came to other peoples departures, she come to conclusions like “they were getting old” or "there was nothing to be done. " Eventually, I try to adopt the same attitude.
I think this grief is going to be hanging around for a long time.

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So today I was thinking about my wedding and I suddenly thought. I didn’t dance with my mum. It was such a hectic night I barely danced myself. And now I’m sitting here crying my eyes out. Mum and I always danced together when we went out to weddings. Why not at my wedding!!! Such a stupid thing to focus on. But normally I would ring her and go “argh mum we didn’t dance at my wedding”. And she would probably laugh at me. And say “why are you thinking of that 15 years later”

Try to stop thinking of the things you didnt do. Just focus on all the good things you did do.
I never even got married so mum missed a day like that but she got to see my daughter, bring her up with me.
I more stupidly focus on the fact that she diesnt know the latest with her beloved emmerdale and coronation street x

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Cheryl sorry that made me really laugh!!! I think I’m delirious today. Just such a simple thing like her soaps. Bless her. Mum would miss watching her films. She had 250 dvds. Her iPad was a lifesaver in the evenings when she got bored and dad watched the footie. Just the mundane stuff. I know i will try and stop focusing on the bad I will try!!! My anxiety is awful today. We’ve had a hell of a week in our family with someone being seriously ill.

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I wish so much my mum had lived with me. Actually probably would have driven each other crazy so maybe not. :crazy_face:

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Sometimes I regret her moving in with me because it has made my house so difficult to live in without her.
I know I dont really mean that as we had a wonderful 10 months but her living room and bedroom just sit unused and pristine.its very upsetting x

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Oh no. Hope they are ok jooles x

I think it must be very very painful having that constant reminder. When I go to see dad and stay with him. My grieving goes back to square one. It’s a very stark image. The empty chair. The empty room. Sometimes I go on street view and look at their house and when I really want to punish myself further I look at my childhood house. I imagine her walking in and out of the front door, she used to sit at the kitchen window and people watch whilst she had her cup of tea. My friend saw her on the morning she collapsed looking out the window. But she had a blanket round her shoulders and my friend said she did not look well, that image haunts me. I wish she had never told me that.

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I know. My sister told me that mums hands were freezing when she was in ICU
I didn’t know that until then as I chose not to see her in a coma and I thought why would she tell me that.
I so wish I had held them and warmed them up

Mum’s hands were very cold too and then suddenly they slightly improved. Little signs perhaps that things were not going well.

I’m cared and lived with my Mum for 23 years. Upstairs has mostly my identity. Downstairs, is full of Mum’s and Dad stuff. Mum’s seat is empty. Everything is more or less exactly the same, except Mum is missing.
I coped eventually twenty years ago when I lost my Dad. I remember thinking about Dad not being in his chair, but I had my Mum then. We pulled together and it was considerably less traumatic. It was a depressing 18 months after my father passed away.
I was also very much a mummies girl.
If I lift my eyes from the computer upstairs - I see a photo of Mum.
I’m struggling terribly with tiredness/exhaustion. I’m anxious too about the future. I’m trying to keep steady, as I have been diagnosed with CFS in the past.